Chapter 121: Rhys
I watched Grace closely. She sat as far away from me as the car allowed, her body shaking like crazy from the cold. The heartbreak she was feeling was flooding the bond, and I knew it was only a fraction of what she actually felt, and right now, there was nothing I could do to help. She wanted space, and I would give her a little since it was my fault she felt like this.
I couldn’t shake the image of her in the snow. Her knees drawn up to her chest in utter defeat. The sobs that racked through her body. The sound of her cries. She had looked so broken. She was so broken. And it was my fault... I had thought that calling upon Sandra to help free her wolf had been a good idea. I had wanted her to be free so she could protect herself like she had with Ethan. All I had wanted was to give her a weekend away and some freedom... However, all I managed to do was make her feel like a failure.
The only thing I could do was hold her tight. I hated that I was the reason she felt so heartbroken. I had been so sure I was doing the right thing for her, only to completely let her down.
Eventually, Leon had forced us to come inside, worried even though we were wolves and Lycan, we were going to freeze to death. Grace had carefully untangled herself and walked inside without a word. Silently, with all the unspoken words between us, packed everything in the cabin that had been scattered all over the cabin over the last 6 days.
And now, we sat on opposite sides of the car, the silence hanging heavily over us as we approached the packhouse. She hadn’t moved in over an hour. Her blonde hair sat in a messy bun on top of her head, and she was turned in her seat, so she was staring directly out the window. Tears were still pooling in her eyes, but she was no longer letting them fall. I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. She had been through hell this weekend and I seemed to be nothing but fucking useless to her.
“Grace?” I tried when the car stopped.
But she didn’t move. I wasn’t even sure she recognized that we weren’t moving anymore. She just stared out at whatever she was looking at but not really seeing.
I got out of the car, and walked around to her side, opening it up slowly, so as not to alarm her. She blinked in surprise as the sunlight hit her face, and she looked up at me helplessly.
“Rhys?” She whispered in surprised.
I held my hand out to her, and she took it reluctantly. There was something about the way she was slowly moving that triggered my brain into thinking your hurt.
“Are you hurting?” I asked, not sure I really wanted to know the answer.
“Hurting?” A small sad smile crossed her lips. “Yes. But hurt? No.”
I sighed and pulled her into my side a little tighter.
“I’m so sorry.” I told her.
She shrugged me off, putting a little space between us.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” She said, turning to face me, but there was still a horrible few inches between us.
“I have every reason to apologize.” I told her, forcing myself to respect the distance she put between us.
“No.” She placed her hand on my chest, the first contact she had initiated in hours.
“Grace...”
“No. You did what you thought was right. You were trying to help. You believed in me even when you shouldn’t have. It wasn’t the bindings that was holding me back from shifting. My wolf or Lycan or whatever the hell I am isn’t strong enough to shift. I am not strong enough to shift.”
“Baby, no,” I cupped her face, begging her to hear me. “You are the strongest person I know.”
“Then what?” Her voice broke. “I’m not worthy enough to have a Lycan? Am I that broken?”
“You are beyond worthy, my love,” I tried to comfort her, but I knew nothing I said would be good enough. “Maybe when you partially shifted, it took a lot out of her. Maybe she just isn’t ready to make an appearance. She seems to be a bit of a showoff, breaking out of the bonds at important moments.” I tried to tease, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew they had fallen flat.
“Come on, we have meetings to attend.” Grace said, ignoring my words because she didn’t believe them.
“Gracie...”
She didn’t answer, and I knew her well enough to know at this time she wasn’t going to talk about it anymore. I reached out for her hand though, and she didn’t pull away, so I took that as a win.
We walked into the packhouse, and the mask of being a leader slipped on like it was second nature. The usual scowl that I wore painted itself on my face without me even realizing I was doing it. Grace’s eyes were still rimmed red, and everyone stared at us, but to her credit, she didn’t falter. She just walked right past everyone and up the steps to my office.
Well, actually, right past my office into Leon’s where everyone was sitting on the floor with books and papers scattered between them.
“You’re back!” Maizie exclaimed happily, jumping to her feet to wrap Grace in a hug.
Grace stiffened for just a moment but then relaxed in the younger girl’s arms, hugging her back.
“What are we working on?” I asked, as they pulled a part and Maizie returned to her spot on the floor.
“Two different things actually,” Maizie answered. “Michael and I are currently mapping out what we know the program looks like. Where they sleep, where the kids sleep, where we know things are, and what we know they hold there. Sawyer and Leon are currently doing a deep dive into some of Sawyer’s med books to find -” She trailed off looking at Sawyer and Leon. I wasn’t sure she actually knew what she they were looking up, or if she didn’t want to say it for some reason. “Something.” She finally said with a shrug.
“What are you searching for?” Grace asked them quietly.
“I’m looking for case studies on the effects of trauma on the wolf.” Sawyer told her.
I felt myself stiffen, no wonder Maizie wasn’t sure if she should say anything, but Grace just nodded and sat down on the floor near Maizie and Michael and began to skim one of the books that was on the floor.
I grabbed a chair and my laptop from my office and began answering emails. Being away for the last week had put me more than a little behind in work. I was lucky to have great people who worked for me and took care of a lot of stuff in my absence, but I was the pack leader and there were things that I was needed for.
Around 5 o clock everyone started putting their things away, but I was still pretty engrossed in work. Grace, who normally waited for me, came over and kissed my check, saying, “I’m going to grab dinner with Alana and Maizie, is that okay?”
“Do you want me to come with?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“No, that’s okay. You can keep working. I’ll meet you upstairs later.”
I nodded, but my stomach clenched. I didn’t want her to leave my sight. I knew that was unreasonable, but I kept almost losing her. And as she walked through that door, I wondered if we would ever be okay again...
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