Chapter 125: Grace
“Maizie,” Rhys said calmly, but there was a hint of danger in his voice. “I thought we agreed not to push.”
Maizie rolled her eyes, but there was a part of me that knew she was right.
“No.” She replied, not even the slightest bit scared that he was Alpha King. “You said, not to push... I never agreed to such a thing. She needs pushed.”
“Maizie!” Rhys said sharply. “I mean this nicely but get out.”
“Not until she agrees to shower and then meet me on the training field.” Maizie pushed, her eyes meeting mine with a determination I could only ever dream of having.
I looked at both of them. There was something in Maizie’s fire that seemed to spark something in me. I still felt numb and useless, but there was a little edge. A tiny voice saying that I wasn’t done yet. I stared at her as she gave me a, ‘let’s play with fire’ look, but we had played with fire, hadn’t we? We had lost. Game over. I was incapable of anything special. But the look she gave me screamed, ‘try again’!
So, without agreeing to anything, I made my way slowly to the bathroom. A shower would feel nice. I felt grimy and gross. I couldn’t remember if I had showered when we had gotten back from the mountain, or if I had just crawled right into bed, but either way, if they were right, two weeks was a long time to just lie away.
I still felt like I was in a fog, and I slowly closed the bathroom door, and started the water before undressing. A part of me just wanted to crawl into its stream without bothering to take my clothes off, but that would be counterproductive. I could do this.
When I finally climbed under the stream of water and sat down just letting it hit me. It was like the sudden, the dam I had built over the last several weeks to hold back all of my emotions, broke. A sob made its way up my throat, and for the first time since getting back, I let it escape.
The bathroom door opened after a few minutes, but I didn’t know if it was Maizie or Rhys or someone else entirely, but I didn’t really care. It wasn’t until the shower door opened after a few minutes, and a pair of boots clouded my vision, and the water was no longer hitting my skin, but his.
He didn’t have a shirt on, but his jeans were now clinging to his body in a way that looked increasingly uncomfortable as he knelt in front of me and wiped away my tears with his thumb.
“Gracie,” His voice was desperate, begging me to understand something that I didn’t.
“I’m sorry.” I gasped out, the full flood of everything hitting me so hard it physically hurt. I had been tortured my whole life. I had never been wanted. I would never be good enough. I was only ever meant to rot away, and be something everyone could destroy. That was my purpose. I had been naive to think otherwise. I had been naive to believe I was worthy of anything else. “I understand if you want to reject me.”
“Reject you? Why would I want to reject you?” There was a fierceness and an anger that I hadn’t expected in his voice.
I looked up and met his eyes for the first time in a while. All I could see was distress and exhaustion in them, and I knew I was the cause of both.
“I’m not enough.” I told him honestly as another sob wracked my body and I rested my head on my knees, refusing to look at him anymore.
“If anyone is not enough, it’s me, Gracie.” He said quietly, shifting slightly so the warm water would hit us both.
I looked at him in surprise. “What?! That’s not true! You saved me from them! You’re perfect!”
“But I can’t save you from yourself.” The raw emotion in his voice, shook me to my core. God, what did he mean? He couldn’t be serious. He had done so much. This was all me...
Oh god, this was all me.
I hesitantly reached out and touched his face, the anguish I could feel through the bond, melted away as soon as I touched him. I missed touching him.
“I’m sorry.” It came out barely a whisper, but I meant it this time.
“I’ve missed your voice.” He admitted. “I don’t like when you go quiet on me.”
“I -” but I didn’t know what I was trying to say. Going quiet was my body’s natural defense system. Up till now anyway. It was the only thing that I could control for so long.
“Don’t apologize,” Rhys growled, stopping me from having to say anything more. “I know why you do it. I know why you shut down. I understand. You deserve time to heal, Gracie. You have been through hells that I can’t even imagine, and these last two weeks, have been hell for me. But you needed it. That’s why I didn’t push... You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel.”
“And what if I feel nothing?” I asked.
“Then I hope you let me sit with you in the nothing.” Rhys answered.
I ran my hands down his chest, and he shuttered, making me realize how deprived of touch he was. I shifted so I could rest my forehead on his.
“You are my everything, Grace. Please don’t leave me again.” His voice broke again, and I realized just how bad I was hurting him in my decision to be selfish.
“I won’t,” I promised, breathing him in.
His mouth kissed met mine hungrily, but it ended too quickly. The water no longer was warm, and the chill of the air had me shivering and not in the good way.
“Come on,” He said quietly, pulling me to my feet. “Do you think you can eat?”
I still wasn’t hungry, but I nodded anyway, eager to do anything to ease his worry. I couldn’t feel much, but god, I loved this man.
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