Chapter 18

With a sob, I turned and began pushing my way through the men who had gathered in the hall and doorway, obviously having been watching the fight. But as I passed Rook, he reached out, trying to stop me. With a shake of my head, I continued forward. I couldn't deal. I couldn't emotionally handle what I had just learned, and I needed time. Time alone.

Satan…was Torin.

~~

The courtyard was lit up like Wrigley Field, but I kept to the shadows. Phantoms within the bright lighting. The same type of phantoms that wandered within my mind. A collection of shapes and ghost events. Torin was alive, yet he wasn't. Satan was Torin, and Torin was Satan. But they were definitely two different men.

The Torin I had said goodbye to, the Torin I had grieved, was not the man I had come to know as Satan. And Satan was not the Torin I had known, the Torin whom I had loved.

Yet there was so much of Torin in Satan, my heart had recognized him, had reached out to him, but my mind had told me Torin was dead. That I was just wanting to see the man I had lost, within the face and actions of another.

It was all so damn confusing. The bottom line? Torin was alive and had kept the fact from me. Even after Rook had introduced Satan to me, Torin had withheld the fact.

Hurt bled within me. Anger stripped my reasoning. What kind of person could do that to another? Why would a person do that to another? But most of all, why would Torin do that to me?

Reaching up, I wiped at a tear, then examined the moisture on the tip of my finger. I felt betrayed. Lied to. I had even shown my hurt, my pain of Torin's loss when Satan and I had first been introduced and I had told him he reminded me of the man I had loved and lost. I had told him I was fucking in love with him, and he'd still bald-faced lied to me, denying it was him.

No, I had to back up, he had never actually denied he was Torin.

I had deeply loved Torin, had fallen apart at his loss, and though Satan's birth name may be the same as Torin's, I had, indeed, buried Torin. And out of that six foot hole, had arisen Satan.

Now, if he told me he needed me, I wouldn't help him. He had become my enemy, I'd seen this game—played this game, and if he didn't know who I had become after his death, as well now because of his lies…he would.

I'd never show him my heart again. He'd turned me inside out for the last time, and I wouldn't allow him to have what remained of me. He'd eventually come in search of me, and when he did, Hell would be waiting.

**TORIN**

The next morning I sat on the edge of my bed, my head in my hands. I didn't know which hurt the worst, my head or my heart.

The hangover, I would get over, but tearing Marlowe to pieces again—what a wicked thing—so, with little doubt, I knew it was my heart that suffered the most.

I'd never dreamed in my life, that I would need to hurt her like I had over and again in the past four years. And in the struggle to keep my secret, as I hadn't been ready to be so sacrificial as to give what little of her I had gotten back yet, I had fucking broke her.

In the end, neither Burdock, nor myself had had to tell her, it was a simple slip of the tongue.

I knew just as soon as it slipped from my mouth and her eyes had dazed, she'd put it together. Dear God, the look she had given me as she'd walked out the door… She hated me. She had emotionally walked, closed her heart—and I couldn't blame her.

Now, what I had to tell her would help her cement it closed forever. Sliding the picture I kept of Marlowe out of my wallet, I whispered for the second time in four years, "Bye, baby."

An hour later, I had showered, and trimmed back my beard and mustache for the first time since the explosion. As well, I had let down my man-bun. The thick mocha-brown locks fell around my waist in their natural state. After sliding on my jeans and kutte, I made my way out of my room. I no longer had reason to hide my identity.

I wasn't going in search of Marlowe yet, I just couldn't. Not yet. But I knew It would be me going to her and not the other way around. She'd just as soon spit in my eyes than listen to anything I had to say right now. And I needed her to listen.

Just as I was stepping into the bar to get some breakfast, the alarms outside the compound went off. With a swear, I turned and began hunting for Rook. I didn't know where Marlowe was, but if anybody knew, Rook would.

I slipped out of the bar, and men were shoving knives into their boots and loading guns, many already heading out the door.

As I ran past several of the men still locking and loading, I yelled out, "Anybody seen Rook or Marlowe?"

I got headshakes in return. Fuck. Where were they?

Spotting Jitter, I ordered, "Find Marlowe and get her to safety." I didn't have time to hunt any longer. It was time to get dirty in battle.

~~

I hadn't even made it out of the doors before I began hearing the ping of bullets hitting the buildings.

All around me chaos had broken loose. Men shouted, cursed, and I could hear the dull thud of fists against flesh.

I began running toward where the largest grouping of men had gathered, and jerking my knife out of its sheath, I waded into the milay, at the same time evading the knife from the man that stepped in front of me.

With an uppercut, I pushed forward, shoving my knife into the man's stomach.

I could feel the slight resistance as it sank into his flesh, destroying muscle and tissue as it continued moving forward under my strength, until unable to push it any deeper, I twisted the blade, seating it to the hilt.

A sudden onslaught of liquid seeped over my hand and spread between my fingers, the coppery ting of blood greeting my nostrils. Pulling my knife free, I made to step around the man, but the glint of moonlight on steel brought me up short. Mother fucker was still coming at me.

With a swivel and a step sideways, I positioned myself behind the bastard, then grabbing a handful of hair, I jerked his head back. Raising my knife, I made a smooth glide across his throat with the blade. The man dropped instantly, and kicking him off my feet, I went for the next one, then the next one….