Killing the Feelings!!…

*My mind is full of everything I never said!!...*

**Hades' POV**
"I fucking love her!" I screamed in the surrounding wilderness, my words echoing through the vastness of the space around me.
"Damn me! Damn fates! Damn everyone! I didn't want this!" I screamed all my frustration. My voice was raw and ragged with pain, coursing through my blood like a toxin that would eat away my soul. I felt as if the other part of my soul was being taken away, and I just wanted to tear everything apart until there was nothing left for me to stand.
There is no second-guessing about my feelings for her. But I lied to her in the worst possible way when I told her I hated her. I am doing all this for only one reason: to protect her because I know she is safe as long as she stays away from me. I don't know how or why she is a mate, as I have always heard from my mother that Proserpina is a mate. But if she is my mate, there are good chances she is also Vlad's mate. And if Vlad knows of her, then there is no saving for her. She will be taken from me and be at his mercy.
I can't lose her; I don't want to. I don't care about myself, but for her as I hold her life much above me. If only she could understand what I am doing is only for her.
My heart bled when she cried, pleaded and begged me. I loathed myself when I ruthlessly forced her away from me. Despite my lousy behaviour and selfish snares, I was stunned by the sheer level of love the girl could have for me. I didn't think the strength of her love could match my arrogance, as she was winning over and killing it. She looked up at me; her expectations dwelled on me as if I was her whole world, but what did I do? I had ripped her fucking world apart, hurt her feelings, and damaged her self-respect. The thought of losing her is killing me. I wanted her to be angry with me, curse, loathe, and hate me. It may be killing my soul, charring my skin to ashes, but I will suffer to protect her. I need rage and bitterness between us to stay away from her because I know the effect of her presence will force me to melt into her arms and brace like a magnet to her body. I will succumb to my feelings for her.
I still remember the day I first saw her and sensed her arousal. Trust me; my condition was no better than hers. I was fighting my erection. I still think about her touch, the way she was scared for me when I was fighting to kill every damn person.
Whenever she comes before me, I want to scoop her up and lay her over my lap for a wild kiss. I want to hold her and keep her safe like a protective cocoon wrapped around her body. She is a woman to be worshipped, admired and adorned, but I guess I am not as lucky. To see her crying for me is shredding me into pieces. I should be damned in hell for imposing such cruelty on her.
I could feel my tears falling with no way to stop them, each fully loaded with immeasurable pain. My heart is fucking breaking, and she held all the pieces to hold it together, and what I did, I insulted her, broke her. My heart is burning to see her so helpless, and it kills me to know that I am the reason, but then I convince myself that all I am doing is for her.
"Feeling any better, brother, after breaking her heart?" Cerberus spoke in my mind. Although I couldn't see him, I could imagine a big frown on his handsome face.
"This is not a good time, Cerberus," I said with a frown.
"Has it ever been a good time in your life, bro?" I almost cringed at his harsh words.
"Say what you want to say and have done with it" I almost lashed out at him.
"I will tell you one last time; she needs us, don't abandon her." Cerberus kept repeating the same things, and I lost it this time, cracking my knuckles in anger.
"I can't do what you want me to do. Her life will be in danger," I whispered in a sad, defeated tone, turning away from him.
"You don't get it, Hades; you just don't fucking get it! Even if you keep her away from you, they will kill her. We both can protect her. Please don't take that away from her. I don't know what makes you think that by staying away from her, you are protecting her. You are sending her nearer to her end. We have not learned to run away from our enemies but to face them. You had warrior training; still, you chose to run away."
I raised a frustrated huff and angrily threw my hands over my head.
"Fuck! Fuck...you think I like to run away like a coward? Do you think I don't feel fucking guilty every time I see how she looks at me like I am the reason she breathes? I don't know what to do. I love her so much. I don't want to lose her; he will try to make me suffer by taking her from me. He will torture and use her to force me into doing his dirty work." I wiped out my tears as my voice faded away in pain, but again, I took control of my voice, "Did you imagine I am finding any of these things easy? Did you think making any of these decisions would be easy for me? The most difficult thing is to bear the weight of this responsibility. I don't know what to do. I want to love her, to spend every moment of my life with her. I want her like my next breath," I cried in pain.
Cerberus suddenly turned completely tense as I could sense the vibrations in my nerves.
"What!?" I asked, gaining composure, straightening my back and clenching my fist.
"Danger! Kora is in danger!" Those five words sucked my breath out, stopping me in my tracks.
"Where? Who? How many?"
"Tombs of the condemned!" The moment those words creeped out of his mouth, I was already half a way towards Kora.
"Shadow assassins. Almost hundred. And guess who leads them?" Cerberus said in a playful tone. I know what he meant by that.
"Fuck! Vlad will never stop throwing shit at me!" I complained as my feet hit the heart of that condemned place or whatever the fuck. The small army of shadows started to surround me, but they could fucking wait as I needed to deal with someone before that.
"He fucking hates me," Kora spoke, shivering in fear.
"That's where you are wrong, my little raven. I fucking love you." I growled low after pulling her down to me so she was plastered to my chest. I scanned her and couldn't help the tears that built up in my eyes; only now were tears of relief that she was unscathed.
"You came for me...you...you found me..." She sobbed as my knuckles soothed her burning cheek.
"Of course, I came for you...I will always come for you, Kora," I said as I leaned my forehead to her and whispered, "I love you."
She was about to say something when I saw a flash in the corner of her eye.
"Hades, behind you!" She screamed. I moved my hand in a flash of a second and caught the sword before it plunged out into my back.

"Awww, love you too...honey! Happy to know that you were rooting for me." The voice hit me, making me scoff.
I was well aware of that sarcastic voice and the idiot behind it. The leader of shadow assassins stepped, feigning a fake surprise. His face was concealed, with only eyes on the show.
"Well...that was not for you. I don't have such terrible taste." I said in a cocky tone, making a disgusting face.
"You broke my heart...baby!" Belphagor said in a sad baby voice as if I had destroyed his world.
"Fucker," I snarled at him.
Belphagor is a shadow assassin. I was the one who trained him and his lackeys. Shadow Assassins are wild, frenzied creatures that let blood lust dictate their actions and consume their minds. They are those versions of the shadow vampires which need a host...can be human or an animal. Belphagor and his lackeys' latest victims were the poor teenage boys and their dog. They kill them and then take over their bodies, but their voices remain unchanged.
"Well, it was nice meeting you!" His disgusting voice was a pain in the ass.
"Same here, asshole, for I have been curious about when the shadow fucking assassin I intend to kill would turn up," I said calmly.
"I wouldn't be so cocky, Hades. After all, it's not like I came alone," he said, raising his hands, and almost a hundred assassins stepped out.
"As if I didn't sense your fucking army...well, good for you...you will need them," I commented dryly.
"Do they scare you...love boy?... Perhaps I can help if you kneel...maybe your stray doggie Cerberus can get a pat and a bone as well..." He grinned at me.
"You mistake me...for you will need the fucking army just to give you a head start before my wolf Cerberus rips your fucking heart out," I snarled the threat, almost forgetting the fact that Kora was clutching on my arms...scared...like a little prey, cut out and left open at the mercy of predators.
Belphagor suddenly started laughing out loud, "See, he is so arrogant." And then he snapped his face at Kora, twitching his features.
Kora clutched me tighter as if sensing the bad that was about to come. Because the wave of humour had gone from his voice, and now an actual shadow assassin was staring at her with pure bloodlust. I knew this the second his eyes seeped with blood and skin charred black. Then the other assassins started to shiver vigorously and turned into their savage forms, waiting for their orders.
"Wait...were the words 'I fucking love you' for her?...this girl?... You made a fucking girlfriend?... Well...your brother will be so happy to see your bitch...alive or...dead..." He spoke with a wink.
"Oh, now, I wouldn't say that you dumb fuck!" I snapped with such ferocity that he almost stumbled.
"And why not!?" Belphagor whispered, pretending to be scared.
"Because she's my girl...And I'm not happy with you calling her a bitch!" I snared in a deadly tone.
"And what will you do!?" He spat out the words.
"No doubt I will simply kill you," I said calmly. Belphagor's eyes shone brighter, and I knew this was fear because he knew me and the fact that I wouldn't bat an eyelid at ripping him limb from limb.
"Very well...my death assassins, tear this dog apart...while his bitch is for me!" He commended his lackeys. And just like that, a swarm of rotting creatures ran for me, whereas Belphagor lunged at Kora like a death!!
And here we go, rolling my massive shoulders, cracking my neck to each side, and getting ready. By 'we', I meant Cerberus and me. It's fucking time for Kora to meet Cerberus...three-headed wolf!!

*Just because I'm outnumbered doesn't mean I can't kill all of you!!...*