Seth, A History

Warning: This might be a triggering chapter for people who have experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.
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I was sitting across from Seth, my arms crossed over my chest as I glared at him. It was hard glaring at him when he refused to look at me though. Ethan was forcing this on us. Our very first 'relationship counseling' he'd called it, but I didn't see why it had to take place on my lunch break in such a public area.

Even if we were tucked in a snug, secluded table in the corner of The Coffee Barn, it was the lunch rush. Normally, I'd never have taken a break at this time. It wasn't fair to the others during this rush hour when everyone's morning boost was sputtering out and another round of espresso was needed to complete the rest of the day, but my ever-present boss noticed the tension between the three of us.

"Why don't you take your lunch break now," she suggested.

"But-"

"Go ahead, Cassie."

So there we were ten minutes into my half-hour lunch and nothing. I didn't even have time to get anything to eat. It was either sit at this table and talk (stare really), or waste twenty-five minutes in line to get a Panini that I couldn't afford. I'd been too upset to make my lunch and figured I could talk to my boss's husband, Mason, into a free sandwich.

"Would one of you talk? Stop acting like three-year-old brats! Seth—" Ethan started but paused when Seth's knuckle cracked against the circular tabletop.

"What do you want me to say?" Seth snarled.

"What you told me... tell her about your sis—"

"My brother," Seth interrupted.

I glanced back and forth between the two. Ethan's frown deepened and he shook his head, clearly puzzled. Seth curled his upper lip at him before he continued.

"Look, Cass, it was my brother," Seth said. He sighed, but swiveled his chair towards me more and scooted closer. His arms shot forward, grabbing the legs of my chair, pulling me to meet him halfway. The scrapping of the wooden legs on the tiled floor was loud enough to make people cringe and cast dirty glares, but not loud enough for any of those glares to continue longer than half a minute.

I inhaled at how close he brought me to him. Nose touching distance close, and even though I knew something wasn't right with the story he was telling me, I could tell that it was at least some of the truth.

"He was way too interested in you. He doesn't deal with human traffick, but he knows the business and he isn't one to back down when he sees something he wants. It just worried me. Grant sees me happy; Grant sees a way to break me down. Sibling rivalry and shit... it's why I haven't seen him or any of the rest of the family for the past few years."

I tried not to scowl at him because I could just barely see the half-truth in his eyes. He was serious about being worried about his brother, but it was Ethan's disappointed glance down as he stared hard at the tabletop that reaffirmed my suspicion. If Ethan hadn't been there, I probably never would've known. Seth could lie to anyone and get away with it.

No wonder he wanted to be a lawyer.

"You know what, when you're ready to tell me the real truth, we can talk. Until then, I only have about fifteen minutes left of my lunch break and I'd like to not waste my time with half-truths," I said, just as my stomach growled.

I pulled away from Seth as his eyes glanced down. I thought it would be loud enough in here to cover up my talking stomach. Pushing on the back of the chair so I could get up, I turned, only for a strong hand to tug gently at my arm.

"Cassie, I'm sorry," Seth whispered, his eyes searching mine for understanding. "It was just a bad night for me."

"Oh really? Well until you freaked out it was one of the best nights I had ever had. You have a wonderful gift of ruin," I snapped.

Seth's grip on my forearm tightened and he pulled me back until I tripped over his outstretched leg and fell into his lap. I pushed off him, trying to pull back, casting him a vicious glare, but he slouched in his chair and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head against my breasts and holding me tight to him.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "Can we leave it at that? I made a mistake. Too many unwanted people in one night and I panicked. I'm human, but I do know that I—" His breath hitched and he cleared his throat before continuing. "I like who I am when I'm with Ethan, but I love who I am when I'm with you both."

My heart thumped at his words, but I'd had too many people leave me behind, willing or not, to let simple words overshadow actions and I felt myself emotionally shutting down. It wouldn't be forever, but right now Seth and Ethan weren't the only ones that needed this distance. I just had to be strong enough to stick with it.

I pried his arms from around my waist and bent down to eye level. "Actions speak louder than words, Seth. I can't be in a relationship with you... with either of you, if you're gonna tell me half-truths and then have Ethan stand behind it! I just don't have the strength for that type of drama," I whispered the last words and then added, a little louder, "I don't want to damage what you two have already and it's very clear that Seth doesn't trust me enough for the truth. I get it. I'm not holding grudges, but let's be honest, this relationship stopped before it even started."

I started to pull away but felt a wave of guilt. They had given me something priceless and I didn't want to end, whatever it was we'd had at that time, like this.

I turned back towards them, "All the same, I don't want to sound ungrateful for what you both did for me. I do appreciate that and I will always love you both for it! I just think, for the sake of your relationship, that we need some space."

With that, I pulled away from Seth, ignoring their protests, and walked towards the front of the store, still hoping, as my stomach grumbled unhappily, that I could sneak a couple of bites of the free sandwich I had half a mind to demand.

Sighing, knowing I wouldn't ask, I reached into my apron and pulled out some bills. The two dollars worth of crumpled money wasn't even enough for a black coffee. I shoved the bills into my apron and patted my stomach, knowing that by the end of my shift I'd be ravenous. It would be the perfect ending to a horrible day.

---

Ethan and Seth stayed the entire day—something I hadn't noticed until my shift was over—so when I hollered a bye to Megan and rounded the counter, their quick descent on me was unanticipated.

"Have you guys been here the whole time?" I asked, eyeing their rumpled clothing and disheveled hair.

Seth actually looked unkempt. He never looks anything less than perfect.

"We sat at that table the whole time. These seats are hard as hell," Ethan mumbled grumpily, rubbing his tush for good measure.

"Oh," I said. "So, what are we doing? Grey's Anatomy marathon?"

It would kill me, but I was the one that promised things would be the same if the relationship status didn't work out. I remembered the promise and it had played over in my mind all day. I eventually concluded that I needed to prove that I would keep my promise to them and me. I also argued with myself that we'd been friends longer than lovers and it wasn't their fault if my feelings had gotten hurt. The longer I'd been away from them (a whole whopping eight hours today), I'd realized losing both of them wasn't an option either... friendship was better than nothing and that 'space' I'd been talking about had been those same hurt feelings talking.

I hadn't wanted to Adult today, but it happened anyway.

"What?" Seth finally spoke up. His voice was scratchy and his eyes tired as he rubbed a fast hand through his hair.

Ethan scoffed at him. "Only you could sleep in a chair as hard as a rock."

Seth rolled his eyes. "I'm awake now and there isn't going to be any Grey's marathon. I feel like singing a Katy Perry song when I'm around you. You're hot then you're cold... We're gonna talk like Ethan wants," he said, seeming to add that last part with a hint of accusation.

"Well, you're yes then you're no! I'm not the only one wishy-washy here, and Ethan may want that, but if you don't you shouldn't have to. It's done. It's over. I thought we needed space, but let's just pretend it never happened because I need you both in my life, you two are all I have. So let's move on," I said, untying my apron from my waist and shifting my weight on my feet to soothe the ache. "But whatever it is we are gonna do, I need to eat something first."

"Cassie—" Ethan and Seth spoke at the same time.

My eyes watered at how hard I stomped my foot on the floor. I was going to need to take a hot bath and rub them to death if I planned on working a double shift tomorrow. "Do not make me raise my voice in my place of employment. It. Is. Done!"

It was Seth that stepped forward, a dangerous glint in his eye as his hand clamped down on my arm, making me cringe. He jerked me towards the door and I let him because there was no way I was assaulting someone in The Coffee Barn. This establishment was too good for such horrible displays of violence.

The cold wind whipped through my hair and stole my breath. I took a minute to adjust to the rapid temperature change before I yanked my arm, trying to pull free of Seth's hard grip, but he continued to hold my arm, dragging me to Ethan's car.

When he finally let me go to open the passenger door, I reeled back, rubbing my arm. He turned, raising an eyebrow in question as he gestured for me to get in. I shook my head. My arms rested at my side and I wiggled my fingers contemplating if I wanted to go for the girl bitch slap or a hard punch to the face.

Just as I'd made my decision and took a step forward, large warm arms wrapping around my waist stopped me. Ethan placed his chin in the slope of my shoulder and whispered enough that Seth couldn't hear. "Cass, he didn't mean to drag you like that. He's grumpy, he's hurting, and he's about to tell you something that ruined his childhood. I'm sorry he lied to you. I'm sorry I let him lie to you, but we both recognized one thing while we watched you working and when we talked last night. We want this type of relationship with you. Please give him time."

I'd stiffened when Ethan started talking and remained so throughout. "I'm sorry, but I don't have a lot of it," I mumbled and walked towards the car, shoulder checking Seth on the way in.

Seth rubbed his shoulder, surprise evident on his face. When he got into the back seat, he voiced his surprise. "What was that for?"

I whipped around to glare at him. "I'm not a fucking dog! I don't appreciate being manhandled and dragged around like one," I snapped. I lifted my arm to show him the fingerprints he left and his frown deepened. "I'll probably have a bruise tomorrow."

Seth scooted to the edge of the seat and gently took my arm before I had the chance to pull it away. His thumbs rubbed over the marks and the only thing stopping me from saying or doing something even worse was the clear distress etched on his face.

"I didn't mean to be so rough. I'm sorry," he whispered and when Ethan jogged to the driver's side and got in, rubbing his hands together to ward off the cold Seth spoke to him, "I'm doing everything wrong. You talk."

Gently, I pulled my arm out of Seth's grip and settled back into the passenger seat. "There's nothing to talk about. We experimented and it failed. End of story. I don't need this long explanation. My feelings are only hurt a little, but I'm a big girl. What happened isn't going to change our friendship. I told you that. I won't let it! I may have been too hasty with the words I'd chosen early, but that is the truth."

"It already has changed our friendship. We're lovers. We already see you differently. You're in the kitchen banging into everything trying to make food and instead of giving you a hard time for your lack of grace, I can't stop staring at you, thinking to myself how I'm going to kiss every bruise and lick every cut because you were trying to make us dinner. You're watching a horror movie glorifying in the blood and guts and Ethan's cowering behind you because horror gives him nightmares..."

I interrupted Seth. "What the hell do you want from me, Seth? You're the one that said you couldn't do this and started packing your shit up."

His jaw clenched and he licked his lips as I watched him through the rearview mirror. "It was too much."

"You said that and I get it—"

A slam sounded in the car, making me jump. "You don't get it, Cassie. I know you've lost people in your life, but my sister wasn't just my sister. She was my mother, my friend, the person I went to when my brothers or father forced me to watch them torture some poor schmuck who overextended himself. Or when they decided it was time for me to be a man how they took a trafficked girl and put her in my room—damn, my father stood and watched until it was finished. The sad thing is I'm positive that's how it happened for all my other brothers too. So, when I tell you that you have no clue, I mean it."

Ethan's eyes lifted to mine and the shock there let me know that Seth hadn't been so forthcoming with Ethan either. Ethan got out of the car and opened the back door to take a seat by Seth. He didn't touch him right away. Ethan's hand rubbed at his thighs like he was drying clammy hands-off before he turned his whole body towards Seth.

"Y-you told me you lost your virginity when you were eleven to one of your many girlfriends," Ethan whispered.

The tears welling in my eyes pooled down my cheeks.

"Well, I didn't lie about the age," Seth said through clenched teeth. "I-I hadn't planned on saying all that. I just-I'm--I don't know what to say to make this better. You said you were too hasty with your words. I was too hasty with my actions!"

I brushed at the tears streaming down my cheeks, startled that I hadn't noticed them until now, and turned in my seat. "Can I come back there too?"

Seth tilted his head and stared curiously at me as I squeezed through the middle console before he had a chance to respond to my question. I pushed him towards Ethan so that he sat in the middle of us and the sudden rigidity of his body didn't go unnoticed when I had to touch him to do it.

And then, without warning him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him the tightest side hug I could. I felt Ethan's hand bump into my stomach as he wrapped his arms around Seth's waist. It took twenty minutes for Seth to finally relax enough to settle into the hugs and when he spoke again there was a notable tremor to his voice.

"I didn't want to tell you any of that. I didn't want either of you to look at me differently," he whispered. "I just—my sister cried with me for days after that. We didn't talk, she didn't touch me—I think if she had I would've vomited all over her—but she stayed in my room for a week. We never left. Father had left on a business trip so no one bothered us. The maid brought us food, but I couldn't eat. Into the second week, she started talking to me about Hunter and then it was Simon, Max, all the way up to Grant, who's the eldest. The same thing. She'd been there for all of them except Grant—she'd only be one when it had happened to him—but she was just a girl herself."

I could tell he was getting lost in the horrifying memory when his body began to shake. I lifted my head and whispered in his ear. "You don't have to tell us. You don't have to relive that."

Seth paused. "But I do because this seems to be the only way you'll give us another chance. My past constructed my future self and this--this!--is why I reacted the way I did last night. Not because of what happened to me, but what happened afterward. The deeper bond between my sister and I. Ethan was your best friend growing up. Maddie was mine."

I kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I pushed you to this. It's not worth dredging this up. Seth, you're shaking, you don't have to do this," I said, letting my hands caress his shoulder.

Seth heaved a sigh. "I don't understand you sometimes, Cassie. You undervalue your worth so much that if I didn't know you better I'd say you were doing it to get attention."

"I-I—" I stopped when Seth turned his face towards me.

"Why do you think you're not worth it?"

I giggled.

What else could I do? Sob? No, that wasn't going to happen. So I giggled and gave him a crooked smile. "Help!" I shouted in a sing-song voice that was only mildly on key. "I need somebody, help! Not just anybody—" Seth leaned forward and pushed his lips against mine silencing me. He kept his eyes open and he watched me, his warm lips still.

When he pulled away, my burst of inappropriate humor had left me and I was so close to breaking down that I needed something to stop me. I bit down hard on my lip, letting out a tiny gasp at the pain and the sudden burst of copper tainting my mouth.

"Why Cassie?"

I shrugged as casually as I could. "I don't know, but this isn't about me right now. It's about—"

"It's about what happened last night and how I ran like a scared little boy. The idea of having something so amazing torn away from me because of death was too much," Seth said, his voice taking on a hardened, determined tone.

"Death? What death? Did someone die? I mean, I know you lost your sister when you were fifteen and I understand a little better how close you were to her, but—"

"I never told you how she died."

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "H-how did she die?"

"Well, her boyfriend was a jackass, the type that says 'if you love me, you'll fuck me.' And she did love him, which was beyond me. It was the only time I ever questioned her judgment. When he found out he got her pregnant and that she wanted it—it didn't matter that, as devout Catholics, my father wouldn't have let her have an abortion anyway—he left. Maddie still wanted that baby something fierce. She was happy even after he left her. I think she was using the pain to be stronger. And she was so strong! My father was overjoyed at the prospects of having a grandchild and he started being around a lot more. We almost felt like a real family there for a while."

Frowning, I pulled away from Seth, placing a hand over his chest. "Seth, how did she die?"

He took a deep breath. "She bled to death."

I gasped as another shooting crossed my mind. It was how his mother had been taken from him, but to have his pregnant sister meet the same fate...

Seth took another shaking breath. "She was sixth months in and stressed beyond belief... she was ashamed that her fourteen-year-old brother was going to Lamaze classes with her, that it was her father taking her baby clothes shopping, that it was Grant who built a new wing onto the house just for the baby. She remained strong on the outside, but on the inside... You know, she didn't want to know the sex but Father knew it would be a boy. He said the only miracle he'd ever witnessed was when Mom gave birth to Maddie. He said a man is only graced with one miracle in life and the male gene is strong in my family. Well, he was right. It was a boy."

Seth licked his lips and turned his head, making eye contact with me before he continued. "She went into premature labor, on my birthday of all days. There was a life-threatening complication and they gave her a choice. Father tried to intervene, but she was an adult and could make her own choices. She chose the baby, but with all the hectic commotion—I mean, my father was the head of this power-hungry Mafia he had people all over screaming at the hospital staff. He was threatening the doctor himself. So I guess mistakes were made—someone missed that the baby's heart had stopped beating. By the time they realized it, it was too late. Maddie had lost too much blood. She died trying to give life to a dead baby inside of her."