Subspace [1/2]

"I forgot my wallet," Ethan mumbled, patting his pockets and about ready to turn around, but I stopped him.

"You two get in the car. I'll run up and get it," I said.

I flipped around and started jogging towards the elevator before either of them could argue. I needed a moment to breathe. This 'appointment' was a huge step for me and, from Seth's brief description of what would happen, I could possibly be denied membership. BDSM clubs were very careful who they allowed to join. It made sense to me, I mean, of course, they would be selective. Keeping one's privacy was a big factor, I'll bet. All the same, a moment by myself to collect my thoughts was needed.

When I got to the door I shove it open, closing my eyes for a brief moment from the air that fanned my hot face. I did a few breathing exercises, letting my shoulders and back expand with the slow rhythm I set. After a minute of this, my eyes popped open and darted to the black leather wallet sitting on top of a piece of mail.

I'm not a snooper. I don't go through people's mail or drawers to get the down-low info. I'm not like that, but this—this was just right in my face.

Ethan Frost... London, England?

I lifted the letter, closer to my eyes and blinked. "Who do you know in London, Ethan?"

My fingers itched to open the lapel of the envelope, which wasn't glued shut. It was like this thing had a magnet. Before I could think better of it, I flipped the envelope open and pulled out the letter.

"An acceptance letter?"

Dear Mr. Frost,

We are pleased to inform you that your externship has been approved. Mr. Phelps, an alumnus, speaks very highly of your talents.

I started skimming to get a quicker picture, but one paragraph made my heart drop.

You start on August 15th, but you must arrive in London on August 10th for the mandatory speed training class. You will be provided with an apartment, free of charge for the first six months of your externship. You are to provide for your food and necessities yourself. If we agree to keep you longer, the apartment contract will extend. Legal forms will arrive within the week. It's best to fill those out as soon as possible. You may fax them to the following...

Was Ethan leaving? Six months in London was a long time to be away.

The vibration of my phone against my thigh jolted me and I dropped the letter as if it had scalded me. I folded it and pushed it back into the envelope, placing it back in the same position it had been before I'd disturbed it. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell.

Ethan: Where r u?

Was he going to tell me that he was leaving? Was he going to tell Seth?

I paused and read the 'six-month' line again.

Did Seth already know? Were they not gonna tell me? Or were they going together... maybe to make a clean break? Let me off easy.

I shook the thoughts out of my head. It would be a problem for another day. Tonight, we were going to have fun. Tonight we were all going to pretend. Seth was going to pretend that I wasn't going to have a baby for another couple. I was going to pretend that Ethan wasn't leaving in less than two months and Ethan... What was Ethan going to pretend?

Letting my fingers fly, I sent a quick 'on my way' text, shoved the phone into my pocket, and walked out the front door. Once the elevator hit ground level, I jogged to Ethan's car.

"Sorry. I walked right past it on the way in and spent all that time searching in the wrong place," I mumbled. "I hope we aren't going to be late."

Ethan's tires squealed as he turned the wheel, pulling out of his designated parking space. "Nah, it only takes about fifteen minutes to get there from here. We'll still have about three minutes to spare."

I nodded.

"Cassie put your seatbelt on," Seth said, pushing the belt up from the back seat.

"Yes, sir," I said and buckled myself in.

He reached around and tweaked my nose with his finger. "Aren't you the fast learner?"

We arrived a few minutes early, just as Ethan said and once the car was parked Ethan immediately got out of the car, rounded towards the passenger side, and hauled me out. He flipped me around and plastered my back to his front so we could walk to our destination at the same time. His arms wrapped tightly around my midriff. I could feel his entire body vibrating. Ethan's excitement—or was it nerves?—was on another level that I couldn't touch. I cast a glance towards Seth to see if he was just as razzed by a simple appointment as Ethan was.

Seth looked cool as a cucumber to the naked eye of a stranger, but I knew different.

"I really want to tie you up," Ethan growled against my neck. "Avery is the most beautiful artist in the world when it comes to rope and restraint."

I didn't know who Avery was, but it sounded like fun and the idea of being tied down took away my impending doom. "Well, tomorrow night you can. I'm all for it."

Ethan shook his head, the excitement and need on his face falling. "No. You're not ready for that."

I frowned at the approving stare Seth gave Ethan. They were clearly on the same wave-length, but I wasn't. "Isn't that my choice?"

"Not when you orgasm at the drop of a hat," Seth mumbled.

My pout face was in full mode and I folded my arms across my chest, stopping so fast that Ethan stumbled. With his hip, he nudged me forward to continue walking.

"I don't either," I said. "Besides, what does that matter?"

"You'll hurt yourself, especially since I'm talking about full-body restraint," Ethan said, and even though his face wasn't showing it anymore, I could still hear the anticipation in his voice. It didn't seem like it would take much to convince him to at least try it.

"We need to work on getting you to last longer, and then we'll try it," Seth added sternly letting me know it was a no go for tomorrow night.

I snorted but caved. "I thought lasting longer was a guy problem."

"So did I, but then there was you," Seth said with a chuckle. "I think we should do a little orgasm denial."

"I don't like how you're using 'denial' in that context," I said. "Tell me that's not what I think it means." Then the events of early that night hit me. The counter. Ethan. His question about whether or not I knew what it was. I turned my head towards him, eyeballing him. "Is that why you didn't let me cum tonight? What in the actual fuck, Ethan?!"

Ethan placed a kiss against the side of my throat. "It'll help you. I think it's a good idea. So," he paused to look over at Seth, "no orgasms for Cassie until tomorrow night?"

Seth nodded and my mouth dropped open. No way. No freakin' way was I—

"Of course, that's only if you agree to it, Cassie. We will never do anything without your permission," Ethan said, rubbing his hand in circles over my belly.

Oh. Well then.

"I thought I was the submissive here. Didn't realize I'd have a say."

Seth frowned as he swung open the door to Subspace and stepped aside, letting me and Ethan walk in first. "That's not how it works. And you're not the sub all the time, just when we're in a scene. Do you remember your safe word? One word—well, three in your case—and it all stops."

I nodded, remembering he'd said something similar once before. "Hmm, sounds like the sub is the one with the most control then."

Seth seemed to consider my answer before responding, "Everyone has a safe word, but yeah." The surprise tinged admiration in Seth's voice as he spoke sent chills throughout my body and I bit my lip to keep from showing how much I appreciated his reaction.

"I keep imagining a dom in full domination mode, turned on, doing what he—or she, I suppose—wants to their sub and then all of a sudden is doused with cold water because the sub had enough and they 'have to stop'. Or at least, are supposed to stop," I said. "Yeah, the sub is definitely in charge. I kind of like that. It'll make me feel all needy and powerful at the same time."

The small smile playing across Ethan's and Seth's face was enough of a reward.

"We will always stop when you use your safe word. That's not something you have to worry about with us," Ethan whispered the words against my neck.

I placed my hand over Ethan's and squeezed him. "I know," I said, before gnawing on my bottom lip. I wasn't worried about that, but what I was worried about might be the death of me. "So, how would orgasm denial help me?" I asked the question while trying not to be completely close-minded to what they wanted in this situation.

Seth tilted his head and watched me as he spoke, "A lot of it has to do with control. The ability to hold it back, to make it last longer, it's more pleasure for a longer amount of time and when it happens it's explosive. It's also about giving up control too, in this case, giving up control to Ethan—"

"Why not you?" I asked.

Seth hesitated before answering, "I-I'm not sure that I want to dominate you, but I'm not submissive either. All the same, I think I'd give in too soon to you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really? What does that mean?" I felt like I was missing something, that maybe even Seth was on the verge of missing too.

Ethan cleared his throat and I could just barely feel his smile spreading across the side of my neck. Ethan got it. So what was Seth and I missing?

"I-a," Seth started, then stopped once we got to the front desk. "I don't know what that means, Cass."

But I did. I knew. Seth had a way in how he treated women. He would open the door for them; sit in the backseat so they could have the front, let them walk in front of him so he could see all incoming threats... I'd noticed this early on, in his and Ethan's relationship. It didn't matter who the woman was. She could be a vapid, conniving bitch—I've seen it—and he would still treat her like royalty. Seth was careful. He treated each woman like they were a precious commodity. Now that I'm thinking about it, he'd always been that way with me too.

Well, except for that time at The Coffee Barn, but that had been explained.

I wondered if his 'no desire to dominate me' had anything to do with his past or his family's business. I think I knew.

"Hey Seth, not to be a downer," I started, "but do you know what happened to that girl?"

I didn't have to specify. He knew I meant the girl he'd lost his virginity to. And my hunch was right; I'd decided when his face softened. Instead of thinking about the force in the situation, he thought about the girl. I was thankful for that. I didn't want to change the mood, but I was still curious.

"She was killed," Seth spoke softly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, not pushing the topic any more than necessary.

"Holy shit! Look who it is!"

I jolted as the deep, gritty new voice jerked my attention away from Seth and I glanced towards the man behind the desk. It looked fairly normal... the desk, not the man. The man was a little taller than Ethan, but not as tall as Seth, and his arms were the size of my head.

Perhaps a little over-exaggeration, but this guy was getting close to the wrestler status of the John Cena/Rock variety. His sun-kissed skin, bedroom brown eyes, and plump red-tinted lips had nothing on his numerous tattoos and piercings. Honestly, if it wasn't for that, I would've felt like our appointment was at a doctor's office and not a BDSM club.

I bit my lip and frowned. Was that me passing judgment? This guy could be a secretary if he wanted too. Tattoos and piercings shouldn't matter.

"Hey, Avery!" Seth said, his sudden happiness breaking the somber atmosphere I'd created.

I watched as they did the usual 'smacking hands, bumping fists' thing that guys did and tried to listen casually to their small talk.

Avery? Wasn't that the guy...

"Ooh, you're the tying up artist Ethan says we can't use because I cum at the drop of a hat, which I don't, by the way."

It took me almost a minute to realize I'd spoken. Another minute for me to register what I'd said and still the quiet in the room continued. I could feel my face burning. It was spreading down to my chest. I had a low cut shirt on so I knew anyone that looked could see my splotchy throat.

Avery released a deep breath. "Well, that happened."

I slapped a hand over my mouth.

Oh my God. I'm dying.

Avery chuckled and stood up. He pressed a button and a beep sounded. "Gabe, you're eleven o'clock is here." An 'affirmative' from a gravelly voice sounded and Avery's intense gaze settled on me once again.

"If only there was quicksand beneath my feet," I mumbled. Ethan's arms tightened around my waist and I sighed, settling back against him. "Why can't you ever tell me to shut up when you know I'm about to say something stupid, Ethan?"

He gave a helpless shrug.

"I didn't think your third party was a woman," Avery said to Seth and Ethan, but his eyes remained on me. "Does that blush go all the way down?"

Ethan shifted and nudged the bottom of my shirt up so that he could splay his warm hand against my bare stomach. "Yes," he said, his voice heavy with desire.