Chapter Twelve

Damon

I place a hand on my chest, feeling it clenching in pain as I look out the glass window of New York City. In my entire centuries of existence, I have never experienced this kind of pain. A pain where it brings uneasiness, discomfort and anxiety. All I can think of is Alice, wondering where she is or what she is doing at the moment—wanting her to be somewhere safe, someplace good.

A werewolf feels the overwhelming sensation whenever we meet our soulmates.

Truth be told, during the first few decades, I was busy searching. A life of a werewolf can be lonely and self-consuming. Therefore, I turned towards looking for true love; knowing it is a gift by the moon goddess after being cursed into this state forever. It was heart-wrenching, knowing that everywhere I looked, I couldn't find my mate. It was leaving me emptier than I was before.

Deep down, I was slowly dying . . . letting the emptiness and the loneliness consume me whole. I ended up working towards my pack, making it the strongest in North America. Many has joined and become apart of this family, they train everyday to ensure we remain the strongest and the deadliest. Then, rumours began to spread about their alpha . . . about me.

In their point of view, they thought I know nothing about love. They thought all I ever wanted was revenge and to kill those who would come in my way but they knew nothing about me. They could see the outer part of me, the ruthlessness but they never saw the patience and the kindness I was being with my pack. I was always putting my pack first, still am.

Some even said, I killed my soulmate the moment I found her.

Up to this moment, remembering that exact sentence would make me laugh. Trust me, I met Alice, I met my soulmate and my future—it would be insane of me to even harm her in any way. All I can think of is to protect her, be her saviour and cherish her. All I can do is love her in many ways more than one, to make sure she feels important. How can anyone even spread rumours? Stupid ones too.

I can never forgive those who began these rumours but they all seemed to have faded away from my memories the moment I met her, the moment I laid eyes on her. They are as beautiful as the night sky and the evening sunset. The way they are looking up at me and how her lips would unconsciously pucker to the front, she's seductive. She doesn't know it . . . but she's seductive.

Thinking about her would make me go wild.

I wonder how her lips would feel against mine and how cold her hands would be compare to mine. She is truly a gift from heaven—a blessing.

Yet, it worries me. An alpha falling in love with a human, it has never happened.

As long as I have lived, I have never heard of a werewolf being mated with a human except for once. It was decades ago and it didn't end well for both of them—now, I begin to wonder if this true love is actually a curse in disguise? Was I meant to suffer until the final breath? Even when all I did was trying to live my life and unexpectedly bitten, forced to turn into a beastly creature.

I had a flower. A beautiful flower.

Lily was the highlight of my life. How she would shine underneath the sun and how her smile would fade away my sorrows but the moment I came back to her, she was already with another man. The moment she laid eyes on me, she was afraid because she didn't see me . . . she was a monster in disguise. She couldn't believe herself nor her eyes because she thought I was dead.

I had her in my mind, almost everyday and every second. All I could think of was her beautiful eyes, her luscious lips and her rosy cheeks but I was the one to blame, she ended up leaving me for another man who could give her more—while I am left forever cursed.

I recall back the fainting memories:

"Oh, Damon. You are . . . alive," Lily gasps, her eyes wide and her hand covering her mouth.

I continue to make my way towards her before leaning in, kissing her full on the lips. However, my heart feels empty. It feels as if I'm betraying another, an inexistent beloved, even when I know deep down I only have my flower; my Lily.

"Have you been waiting for me, my dear? Have you been crying?" I ask, caressing her cheek.

She stands frozen in her place, shivering. "Oh, Damon . . ."

"What is wrong, my love?" I frown, gazing down at her hands to find a ring occupying what was once an empty spot. My hands clench in fists before I look up, realising it all to be true. "You are married? Who is this man? Who is he?!"

"I thought you were dead, Damon. I needed to move on," She replies.

"I wouldn't be here if I was dead,"

"Please, leave us alone."

It was just like that. I didn't think much before leaving because I know, she deserves to be happy with someone else—not me. She deserves to grow old with her beloved, have a future and live it. I kept track of her life, watched as she conceived and birthed a baby boy. They were beautiful and I imagined it would be us, our son.

Then, it felt like minutes when it has actually been years, she finally conceived another. The difference is that, at this moment, she didn't survive. That was the end of Lily, my beautiful flower, as she wilted and passed to rest peacefully. Not once did I held a grudge nor wanted to ruin her life because I know she deserves better than a monster like me.

I could never give her the life she wanted.

Time just flew, from years to decades and from decades to centuries, a lot has changed. Humans have evolved to become more intelligent and many inventions have been created to keep up with the change. I saw many foolish men killed themselves for their failures but I also saw many accomplished men being lost in their riches while the unaccomplished remained in the dark, being poor.

It was worth to witness every moment. Every detail.

I followed the improvements, I trained my pack to be stronger everyday and I gained income from many different sources—up till now, being able to live my life easily. I ended up finding ways to disguise myself from being known by others. Nobody can get too close because I was terrified of them finding I was immortal.

I faked my identities. I even faked my death.

As the decades passed, I witnessed friends die. All were good friends but I saw as they grew old, they started having wrinkles and grey hair while I remained the same. I watched as they talk about their grandchildren while I couldn't even find my mate. They lived a beautiful life and I was grateful to watch them pass.

"Don't tell me," Someone says which causes me to turn around, seeing Logan making his way towards me before sitting down.

"Tell you what?" I ask, inserting both of my hands in my slacks' pockets.

"Oh, boy. You found her, didn't you?"

It is as if he knows me too well. I can't even lie or hide it away.

"Is it too obvious?"

"Very. You are rarely daydreaming,"

"I wasn't daydreaming. I was thinking,"

Logan shrugs, "It rarely happens. You wouldn't think,"

"I think a lot throughout the day."

"Not like this, you don't. So, tell me, who is she? Is she worthy of a luna? Is she from an enemy pack? You seem troubled," He continues to speak before leaning back, eyeing me.

"You know me too damn well, it's starting to scare me." I chuckle, sighing. "She is someone that I met at the charity event last week and I couldn't stop thinking about her ever since. Is she worthy of a luna? She is perfect. Is she from an enemy pack? That's the problem,"

"She is from an enemy pack?" He raises an eyebrow.

"She's not. She's not from any packs,"

"She's a lone wolf? A rogue?"

I blink, "She's human."

Logan stares at me, eyes blinking in confusion before sighing. There it goes, the troubled look plastered on his face rather than my own—letting me wonder if I am actually blessed or just cursed. "That hasn't happened before . . . in a long time," He mutters.

"Exactly. It's rare,"

"It's too rare."

"It's not impossible. Just rare,"

"And? You think you might survive this?"

"I don't know—I've been trying to think of anything else but her. I can't seem to do that because she's on my mind all the time," I breathe, trying to relax. "I can't stop thinking about her, Logan. She's there, she's there inside my mind, twenty-four seven . . . just begging me to go and see her,"

"That's your wolf playing tricks." He chuckles, "Fucking hell,"

"I want her. I really do,"

"Of course, she's your mate. She's your everything,"

"And, I've been waiting for a long time."

"I'd run after her if I were you—regardless of the issues. I wouldn't be able to keep myself away but you're different, your inner strength is stronger than mine. You think ahead of your future, you try to map and plan things out but I wouldn't be able to do that. I'd risk both of our lives,"

I shake my head, "You know what happened to Lee,"

"It wasn't his fault. He followed his heart. Any of us would,"

"But, it caused him. It would cause me,"

Logan stands up, sighing as he pinches the bridge of his nose. "We are talking about the future of this pack. We are talking about our luna, about your mate. We need to figure things out in order to make this work, we need to bring this up to the board, we'll ask our ancestors."

"They wouldn't have a clue." I smirk, "This is what the moon goddess gave,"

"Damon, you need an heir."

"I never thought of that, Logan. Not once,"

"Without an heir, this pack would fall. Our enemies are targeting you,"

I nod, "They are. They have always been eyeing my every move but if they find out about her, they'd be trying to take her away from me—they would know, she is my weak spot. They'd ruin me and this pack by taking her," My heart sinks at the thought, knowing well enough I never want to lose my soulmate. I would never want her to be taken away nor killed due to my own selfishness.

"And, you expect this to go away? Your feelings? What about your wolf?"

I keep quiet, thinking. "My wolf?"

"You know well enough,"

My wolf. The other part of me. Ever since I was bitten and transformed into a beast, I have always had this other creature inside of me—at first, it was terrifying, hearing voices and being able to have all these spectacular abilities but then, it became a part of me. An important part. My body would not be able to survive nor maintain its health without my wolf.

If I was a human, I'd be turned into ashes before I could even reach a century.

"I'll keep him at bay," I breathe.

"That won't last long. You're going to torture him,"

"There's not much I can do. I need to sort this out,"

Logan walks out of the office, leaving me alone to think.

Deep down, meeting Alice was the best moment of my life in my entire existence but I can't help and think about all the possibilities of our future.

It might turn out beautiful or it might turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life.