Chapter Twenty-three

Damon

Have you ever felt pain? The kind of pain that just brings you to your knees and it weakens you instantly. Have you ever felt lost? The kind of lost that makes you wonder if you will ever be enough. Have you ever fell in love? The kind of love that fixes you, makes you become a better person and shows you the happiness you never thought was made for you.

Well, I have.

As I stare down at Alice, seeing her going lifeless and I have no one else to blame but myself. I brought her into my world even when I knew the dangers of it because I was selfish. I wanted to show her love, I wanted her to show me love and now here we are, on our dead end. How can we ever turn back time to change what we've done? It's impossible.

Time. I envy time.

People say that when you're in pain, all you need is a little time. This doesn't work for me because a little time already feels like an eternity. I miss the joy of ageing, the wonders of not having enough time because I know there would be an end to one's life but now, an end is all I can hope for as I watch the people I love . . . one by one, leave me for another world.

My friends, my family, my love.

My first love had left me for another man. She was content and they had beautiful children together, making me wonder if I would ever experience that—with my love. I was there for her once and I had loved her thoroughly without ever questioning her imperfections but she was not made for me as I am not made for her. We were just temporary.

Now, I've found my one true love. My whole soul. My forever.

And, I've failed her.

"Damon . . . we have to do something," Logan says from behind as I try to think of solutions. We don't have much time, there is never enough time for me to save Alice—for me to make sure she stays mine. If I stay here any longer, I'd lose her forever and I would lose myself, too.

"Get the car," I respond, carrying her down the stairs as Logan rushes.

I slowly place Alice at the backseat before entering, caressing the side of her face as I feel the coldness spreading and her skin going pale. If we wait any longer, her heartbeat would stop. My whole body tenses at the thought of losing her, of not being able to have her in my arms and not to have a future with her as my wife, my mate.

I wish things were easier or at least better.

"I want to kill him," I mutter, earning Logan's attention as he drives away, speeding down the highway.

"All that matters now is Alice." He replies, pressing harder onto the gas pedal.

"Does the witch know?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"They've informed her."

"Good. I want her to save Alice,"

"We'll be there in time,"

I look down at Alice, seeing the beauty fading away from her face as she shakes, completely unconscious and slowly fighting for her dear life. It saddens me to see her like this and all I can do is, to help her get through this pain, doing whatever it takes as long as she stays alive. All I want is for her to be happy, to be safe.

My eyes water as I imagine a better world for us:

Alice twirls and spins around in the field of tulips as she holds my hand. The grin plastered on her face never fail to amaze me, as she shows off her beauty. I am, indeed, the luckiest man in the world because I am able to experience all of this with the love of my life—the way she grabs onto my face, to kiss me and to hold me close, I've never felt this happy before.

Her dark hair falls down to her chest, somehow they have grown longer after the years we've been together. I pull her hand near my chest, wanting her to hear my heartbeat as I glance down at our wedding ring; how it fits perfectly and how beautiful it matches with mine. We've said our vows, made a promise to each other, tying our bond for life.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met," I mutter.

She kisses me once more, letting me feel the warmth of her body. I will always cherish my moments with her because there will never be another her—there is only her in my life. I swear by that.

We both stand close to each other as the sun shines above us, the wind caressing our skin. Both of my hands are cupping onto her face, enjoying the softness of her skin against my own. Her eyes twinkle, her cheeks slightly reddish and her lips bright pink, how can I ever lose this woman?

I pull her in, embracing her.

"I love you, Alice Darling Quintero."

"We're here," Logan says, breaking me from my own trance as we immediately step out of the car.

The witch greets us as I slowly place Alice on the bed, surrounded with different dim lights and dreamcatchers. Logan is already waiting outside, leaving Alice and I together with the witch—she runs her hand across Alice's face before seeing the marks on her neck. This witch has been in this pack for almost a century, having the gift of immortality as well.

People fear her for her predictions but I find her mesmerising, when she expects it.

Her light yellow eyes brighten as she leans in near Alice, touching her arm which causes her to gasp. "The venom is nearing her heart, moving fast. There is nothing you can do to save her," She says, glancing at my direction as I tense, wanting to find ways to help Alice. Whatever it takes.

"Please, there must be a way. I want to save her,"

She chuckles, "It took you long to save her, Damon."

"It was that vampire, Luther!" I reply, through gritted teeth as I hold my anger.

"He blinded you, didn't he?"

"I couldn't see her. I couldn't find her anywhere."

She circles me before running her finger on my cheek, "Judging by the weight you've lost and by your dark heart, you're not lying. You've become a better man, Damon—after you met her. Has she changed you? Has she made you soft?"

"I'll do whatever to save her, Benedetta."

Benedetta, smiles at the sound of her name before leaning back, making her way towards Alice before grabbing her hand, "There is something I can do for you, my alpha. There is something that can save your beloved mate. However, there is also a price you have to pay. You know what happens when you play with black magic," She blinks, her eyes changing to purple.

"What is it? Tell me,"

"You're very desperate,"

"Benedetta!"

"Be nice. Her life is in my hand,"

I clench my jaw, gazing down at Alice. Her breath is slowing down as we waste time talking about stupid deals—just do anything, to save my love. "Anything, Benedetta. Please, just do anything to save her."

She places her hand on Alice's neck before mumbling odd words, not fond to the mind. She continues to chant as she moves her hand on her neck, lights and sparkles coming to view. I've never seen magic being done in front of me especially black magic but I would do anything, to make sure my mate is safe and sound.

"A life for a life. I can save her and she'll be alive." She continues to speak before looking away, "But, she won't remember you. No one she knows will remember you. She will forget everything about you, all of the things you've both experienced, from the very first time you both met. You will live with the pain in your chest but in order to keep her alive, you will have to stay away from her."

"What?" I frown.

"If you ever encounter her, if you ever make her remember, she will die."

"Is that the price?"

"The price is you'll be in an endless suffering for the sake of her happiness. Are you willing to go through that for an eternity, Damon?" She asks as I hear the sound of Alice's heartbeat slowing down which causes me to nod, letting the tears stream down my cheeks.

"Whatever it takes. Just want her alive,"

"Good. Wise choice,"

Then, just like that, a blinding light appears from her hands as she continues to mutter foreign words. My eyes begin to hurt at the brightness as everything disappears, leaving me to see Alice nowhere to be found.

--

A few days have passed and I've been staring at the skyscrapers from my office in New York City. I've been drowning myself with endless work ever since the tragedy in order to numb myself from the pain. I can slowly feel my wolf losing control as he tries to reach for her. I understand because he craves for her touch, he craves to hear the sound of her voice. My wolf and I are no different, we both miss her.

The dark circle under my eyes have become more obvious due to the lack of sleep but it doesn't bother me much. Even though I'm exhausted, I need a distraction from thinking about Alice or going through lengths in order to see her—I know she's safe, I know she is alive and well. I just have to keep on hoping that she'll always be happy.

Days and nights, are spent here at the office doing work, reviewing reports and attend meetings with clients. It seems like a never ending cycle but I have no other choice. Whenever I go back to see my pack in Portland, I'd be reminded of the tragedy and of her so the best decision to make, avoid going there for awhile. Logan knows how to handle things. I just want to find peace.

People say that sleep requires peace. That's why I haven't been sleeping.

It feels empty, knowing Alice is not here beside me and knowing well enough she won't be when I wake up in the morning so it's better to avoid the bed as well. As much as my back hurts or my neck is strained, I force myself to work. I force myself to get my day going even when I have gone weak.

"You're killing your wolf." Logan says, breaking me from my trance.

"Doesn't matter," I respond.

"You don't mind losing him?"

I keep quiet.

Of course I mind. My wolf has been with me since the very beginning and it took me decades to finally get ahold of him—he was carefree and possessive but I managed to overcome all of that. Now, he's protective and kind especially when it comes to Alice, my soulmate, that I have lost.

"I don't want to lose Alice," I mutter, running my fingers through my hair.

Logan takes a few steps forward before sitting down, "At least, keep your head at ease. You told me that you can't make her remember you or she'll die. Then, find ways to just watch over her."

"What if she's happy with someone else?"

"Why are you so worried?"

"Because I'm fucking scared, Logan!"

He continues to look at me, not expecting me to burst out that way. The reason why I've been keeping my distance is because I'm terrified of losing Alice. Mostly terrified of watching her leave me. Not just that, I'm scared of watching someone else making her happy even when she is mine, even when she is made for me, even when that should be me . . . the one making her happy.

"Damon . . . she's your soulmate." He breathes, shaking his head.

"I know. I can't risk losing her. Not again,"

"What happens when you lose your wolf, one day?"

"It doesn't matter,"

He slams both of his hands on the desk, " For fuck's sake, it doesn't matter?! You won't be able to be the alpha anymore. You won't be able to lead this pack. Do you understand that, Damon?"

"Then, what the fuck do you want me to do?!" I groan, throwing anything I can reach on the desk before it falls and breaks on the floor as I try to control my breaths.

Logan walks out of the room, leaving me to stare at the blood dripping from my hands.