Chapter Eighteen - How could I?

Freya Rose

He pulled his fingers out of me and lifted me up slightly, placing me above his throbbing cock. I held onto it and guided the thick monster into my pussy, letting out a low hiss as my body tried to stretch around it. I eased myself gently down onto the large member until my thighs hit his. He groaned with pleasure as his manhood filled me up. We began kissing again as I lifted my ass up, then slowly slammed myself back down onto him, both of us moaning into each other’s mouths. As much as I wanted it hard and fast, I was enjoying the slow and steady approach too much.
We had a nice rhythm going and I could feel his member getting even harder inside me. Our tongues explored each other, touching and caressing one another, while our lips moved around in perfect time. I sped up a little while biting down onto his bottom lip. My fang pierced the skin, making him hiss, but that hiss turned into a groan of pleasure when I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth. The metallic taste of his blood had the hunger inside me growing, like a knot at the bottom of my stomach. I pulled away from him, scared that I might take it too far again, like last time. Searching his eyes for worry, I found none. He smiled at me, showing off his own pure white fangs. With eyes as black as night, he lifted his wrist to his mouth and ripped open his vein.
Within seconds he hissed into the air as I sank my teeth into his wrist, holding his arm with both hands so I could get a better feed. My hips lifted higher and slammed back down even faster and harder than before. As I rode his giant cock and drank his delicious crimson liquid, I could feel my orgasm building. The rush from his blood had me light headed like a drug. I felt like I was floating on air as I bounced up and down on his member. His hand delved into the water and his fingers quickly found my bud, circling around faster and faster. Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any more pleasure, he sank his teeth into my neck.
There was a huge surge of electricity that rushed through my body and slammed into my core, sending me into my orgasm with an intense explosion. I ripped my head away from his wrist and screeched into the sky, activating my ascension and flinging my wings out into the air. He pulled his head away from me and roared into the air, joining me in a glorious, if not slightly demonic song of pleasure. When our climaxes began to ease, I dropped my head down and rested it on his shoulder. We sat there for a while catching our breath in the bubbling, blood-stained water. If a human had walked out right then, they would have thought it was some sort of murder scene.
Regardless of how it looked, it felt amazing. It was strange, each one of the men I’d fallen in love with, managed to satisfy that part of my being. Tristan always satisfied me, he was my first, and I’d always have fond memories of him. Mason fulfilled my hunter’s side. The flames were an impressive added bonus. And Sam, well Sam was what my vampire side craved. I couldn’t see Mason or Tristan being happy with me feeding on them while fucking them. I still wished that I could cut out all the bad from each, then put all the good parts of each together and create the perfect guy. But to be honest, I didn’t deserve a perfect guy. I’d probably ruin his life. Maybe I was never destined to settle down, and the way my life was right now, what could I offer a man? I couldn’t think of having a normal life and a family.
Stop thinking so much, Freya, I moaned at myself, telling myself to just enjoy the moment before he had to scoop me out of the water like a dead porpoise. Hey wait!
“I can still move.”
I opened my eyes when he didn’t answer, and when I felt him slipping beneath me, I sat back to see what was happening. His eyes were wide open and the guy looked dead. If it wasn’t for his chest rising and falling, I would have thought I’d just killed him. I scrambled back and placed my hands under his armpits. His body was ridged but he had no control. What the fuck is going on? He began to slip into the water again, so I bent over and hoisted him onto my shoulder. I stood up and stepped out of the hot tub, making sure not to slip on the balcony. The last thing I needed was to slip or stumble and accidently throw his paralyzed body off of the balcony. We must have looked ridiculous, a small woman like me carrying his tall and muscular, naked ass through the house.
We made it to the bed and I threw him onto it, letting him bounce a little too much. I was lucky he didn’t bounce right off the damn thing. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the state of him, soaking wet and stiff as a board, everywhere. That’s right, even his cock was stiff. If I could stop laughing for more than a few seconds, I could have taken advantage of that, but I couldn’t stop giggling. I felt a little bad, because when I was in the same position, he made sure to protect me and show me pure love. I just stood there laughing at the guy. I hoped that he was finding the funny side of it too. It would have sucked if he didn’t. Once my laughing eased, I headed off into the bathroom and fetched a towel each. I dried myself off and put on my pajamas, before going back into the bedroom. I sat above him on the bed and used the towel to delicately dry him off.
Once I’d dried him as much as I could, I curled up beside him, stroking his hair. The paralysis seemed to last a lot longer than mine had, and after a while I found myself dropping off to sleep beside him. I hoped that he would see the funny side of it all when he went back to normal, but I guessed he'd be a little uneasy with the situation. I didn’t think it had ever happened to him before, so this would be a new and probably scary experience. But at least he would know what the women he slept with felt like. Maybe it would give him a new appreciation for the whole crazy process.

Samael Wulf

I laid on that bed, absolutely mortified. I couldn’t work out how it had happened. I could understand my sperm not affecting her anymore because of her new transition. But how the hell I got paralyzed, I didn’t know. The only thing I could think, was that she was now a vampire Queen. If that was the case, it complicated things somewhat. It meant that she was Traian's Queen. She hadn’t mentioned being mated to him, and the only mark I knew she had was the healed over one from Tristan. That wasn’t active any longer, since he bonded with Elsa. Thoughts ravaged my mind as Freya dried me. I was beyond embarrassed, and hated having her take care of me while I was so vulnerable. But I couldn’t think about that, I had to work out what I was dealing with. If she was Traian's queen, and he found out that we were together, I had no doubt that he would hunt me down and kill me. I loved her with all my heart, but what could I do if she was destined for someone else?
Freya eventually drifted off to sleep, leaving me alone with my thoughts and fears. I could ignore it. If she didn’t know that she was his Queen, we could run away and be together. But that wouldn’t work, he would hunt us down for eternity. He would kill everyone we knew to get her back. Why hadn’t he told her? Or did she know, but she didn’t want him? If that was the case and she chose me to save her from him, of course I would do everything I could to save her. Maybe that was it? Maybe she wants me to save her from him. I mean he wasn’t there when I went to see her. When a King finds his Queen, he doesn’t leave her side.
Nothing made sense, and I wasn’t sure when the paralysis would wear off. I’d never met a true Queen before, so never knew for sure how long their effects lasted. I’d heard stories, but they said it could last for hours or even days. I hoped to God that it wasn’t the case in our situation. Being stuck, unable to move and drowning in my own thoughts was driving me insane. I couldn’t even close my eyes to sleep. Not that my mind would let me sleep right now anyway. But my eyes felt like they were drying out. Imagine of she slept all day. Would my eyes shrivel up and make me blind? Oh, no, perish the thought.
What’s that? Oh crap! Freya! I tried my best to call out to her, but it was no use. I needed a pee, and I couldn’t hold it much longer. If I pissed myself, I think I’d die of embarrassment. Not to mention, if I did pee with an erection like this, it would cover the pair of us. Oh my God, Freya, please wake up!

Freya Rose

I woke up screaming. It felt like someone was hosing me down, but when I opened my eyes, I could see that it was Samael peeing everywhere. I grabbed the towel and dove on his member like I was trying to catch a snake. When it finally stopped, I collapsed onto the bed in fits of laughter. I’m sure he was devastated, but I found it absolutely hilarious. After the poop incident this morning, we were now even on the embarrassment scale. Our relationship had hit a whole new level. I rolled over on the bed and whispered into his ear,
“I love you Sam.”
I jumped off of the bed and ran into the bathroom, as much as I loved the guy, laying there in his pee, was not something I could tolerate. I undressed and hopped into the shower. It wasn’t too long before I was joined by a red-faced Sam. And by the looks of it, he was ready for round two. He stood there completely naked, dick rock hard, and brandishing a new latex coat. He'd come prepared, hopefully, he wouldn’t end up like a mannequin after this session. I opened up the shower door and held out my hand for him. As soon as he took it, he rushed me and picked me up into the air, slamming me against the shower wall. It was his turn to take charge, and I was happy to oblige.
After both reaching our climax, we both stood in the shower catching our breaths. Not having either of us paralyzed afterwards was an interesting experience. Within a minute or two we were able to move around, at which point we finished off our showers. We got dressed and spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch watching movies. To most it would have been a boring day, but for me, it was the most incredible day I’d had in a long while. Relaxing and not worrying about anything was exactly what I needed. I had no worries, no concerns, and no stress. It was perfect.
Eventually, it was early hours of the morning, and the movie we were watching was coming to an end. I turned around to ask Sam something, but soon noticed that he'd fallen asleep. He looked so peaceful, and I didn’t want to disturb him, but I wasn’t tired just yet. I carefully got up off of the couch and headed out onto the balcony. I took in my surroundings and stared up into the nights sky. I could have stayed there forever, just Sam and I, living a calm and secluded life, high in the sky. I loved being that high up. It felt as if I was closer to my mom and dad. Like I could almost reach out to the stars and touch them. I missed my mom so much, and had been thinking about her a lot recently. Feeling so alone made me miss her even more.
I knew she'd be proud of who I’d become, but what I would have given to speak to her again. Ask her advice, or just cry on her shoulder. I would have liked to get to know my father more too. I know he made mistakes, but he never had a chance to make it up to me. I missed Cass and Tyler, the whole pack really, even Amber fucking Wade. I had a new life now, one I didn’t particularly like half the time. A lonely and scary life, but one I hoped I could make better. Sam being here had helped me a lot more than he realized. To him, he probably just saw this as getting me away for a bit to help relieve stress. To me I think he saved my life.
I hadn’t admitted to myself how low my mood had become. I was so used to ignoring my feelings, pushing them down and carrying on like things didn’t affect me. But as time went on, those locked up feelings began seeping poison into my system. It started out with the occasional self-doubt, and by the time I realized what was happening, my thoughts were of full-blown suicide. Not that I knew if trying to kill myself would work, but I wanted all the bad thoughts and pain to go away. I couldn’t cope with it anymore. The paranoia, the loneliness, and the constant expectations for me to be strong and have all the answers. When Savanah left with Lucy and Evan, I couldn’t cope. The pack looked to me for support, but I could barely support myself.
When Savanah returned, a sense of relief washed over me. I hadn’t noticed how much I used her as a buffer between myself and my pack. I think I built up that wall after killing Chase. I still couldn’t believe that I’d killed one of my own hybrids. What kind of person did that make me? I’d done so many horrible things in the last few years, and each time I did something a little worse than before, a little more of my heart turned to stone. That’s how it felt, like I was losing tiny pieces of my humanity as time went on. Like my heart was turning to stone, one tiny piece at a time. I think the bit that sent me into a complete depression was the betrayal of the twins.
I chose them over Mason. I threw true love away, to secure power for the fight against their father. Now, Mason was lost to me forever, and they were working alongside their parents, planning God knows what. How could I have been so stupid? They are the spawn of pure evil. Why would they be any different? How could I believe that they loved me enough not choose their parents? I didn’t regret pushing Mason away, at least now he had a chance at a happy life. It would have been selfish of me to drag him along with me on this journey. You could say that it would be selfish to drag Samael along, and you'd be right. I definitely needed to have a word with him. Make sure he knew that this wasn’t a forever thing.
I couldn’t risk his life, and I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I knew he wanted me, but I couldn’t give him all of me. Hell, I didn’t even possess all of my heart anymore. Tristan had a part of it, as did Mason, and the twins, I only had a small bit available for him, and I didn’t think that would be enough. Maybe I was destined to be alone? Maybe I needed to focus on the fight ahead, and building a happy and peaceful empire. Maybe that’s where my happiness laid? In the hearts of my followers, in watching them create happy lives for themselves. I felt like I’d used Sam for my own gains, but I couldn’t help how I felt. I couldn’t give him what he wanted.
His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into his chest. My own hands rested on top of his and his head dropped down and he kissed my cheek. The cool breeze swept through my hair, carrying on it the strong scent of his Joop. It really was a gorgeous smell.
“What has you so wound up, love?”
I twisted around in his embrace and looked up into his golden-brown eyes and my heart melted. The love and respect he had for me was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe I was about to break another man’s heart. What is wrong with me?
“Sam, I…” I said in a low tone.
He stepped away from me and walked away slightly. Running both of his hands through his hair he sighed heavily. I stepped forward and touched his arm, which he promptly ripped away from me.
“Don’t, Freya…”
“Don’t what?” He turned to face me, making me gasp when I saw tears in his eyes.
“Don’t say that you can’t give me what I need. Or that I deserve better than you…”
I stepped forwards again and grabbed both of his hands,
“But I can’t, and you do deserve better than me.”
He snatched his hands out of mine and snapped,
“Just having you around me is enough. I won’t ask you for more than you can give. And I don’t deserve better than you. Trust me. I’m not a good man, Freya. There's something seriously wrong with me. I’m selfish, and cold, and…”
“Stop, Sam. Please. You’re none of those things.” His head hung low, so I softly raised it to stare into his eyes. “You have your faults, Sam. We all do. But you have a good heart. I can forgive the things you’ve done to me, I’ve done worse, trust me.”
With a slight sob he pulled my hands away from his face and turned away from me.
“You have no idea, Freya. You don’t know what I’ve done.”
“Then tell me. Tell me everything.”
“I can’t. You’ll never look at me the same again.” He faced me again, taking my face into his hands, while resting his forehead onto mine. “I don’t think I could live with myself if you hated me.”
“I could never hate you, Sam.”
“Even if I was a murderer?”
“How could I? I’m a murderer too.”