47. Bad Mood

Starla continued to stare at Ha-neul and the woman. Her heart felt hot; a mix of pain and discomfort. Without realizing it, she was clutching the edge of her clothing. It had been a long time since Starla had felt this way, and she couldn’t even recognize if it was jealousy or something else.

She stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to tear her gaze away from the scene unfolding before her. Every smile Ha-neul directed at the woman, every laugh they shared, seemed to twist the knife in her heart a little deeper. Her mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, each one vying for dominance. She tried to rationalize what she was feeling, to push it away, but the ache in her chest refused to be ignored.

The woman with Ha-neul was beautiful, with an effortless elegance that only seemed to highlight Starla's insecurities. She found herself comparing every detail—her own outfit suddenly feeling inadequate, her hair not as perfectly styled, her smile not as bright. The logical part of her mind tried to remind her that Ha-neul wasn't hers to be jealous over, that they were just friends, but the irrational part, the part fueled by raw emotion, wouldn't listen.

Starla’s grip on her clothing tightened as if anchoring herself could keep the tidal wave of feelings at bay. Her breaths became shallow, each one a reminder of the tightness in her chest. She tried to recall the last time she had felt anything this intense, but her memories were blurred, a testament to how long she had buried her emotions under a facade of composure.

She watched as Ha-neul and the woman exchanged a few more words, their interaction so natural, so easy. The realization hit her like a punch to the gut—she wanted to be the one who made him smile like that, the one who could laugh with him so freely. The jealousy, now undeniable, burned in her veins, mingling with the sadness and confusion.

Starla's eyes began to sting, and she blinked rapidly, refusing to let any tears fall. She had always prided herself on being strong, on not letting her emotions control her, but in this moment, she felt anything but strong. The vulnerability she felt was overwhelming, and for the first time in a long time, she felt utterly exposed.

As she stood there, trying to piece together her scattered thoughts, she barely noticed Ha-neul turning his head, sensing her presence. His eyes met hers, and for a moment, the world around them seemed to fade away. He smiled and waved, a gesture so simple yet so loaded with meaning. Starla managed a weak smile in return, her heart aching even more.

She watched as Ha-neul said something to the woman, who then glanced at Starla before nodding and walking away. The relief that flooded Starla at the woman’s departure was tinged with guilt. She knew she had no right to feel this way, but knowing that didn’t make the feelings disappear.

Relief washed over Starla, undeniable and immediate, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The tension that had coiled within her since seeing Ha-neul with the woman began to unwind, easing the knot of unease in her stomach. She knew, logically, that Ha-neul was not hers to claim. They were friends, companions who shared moments of laughter and understanding, but nothing more.

Ha-neul walked over to Starla, his footsteps echoing softly in the hallway. When he reached her, he glanced at her face, searching for any sign of how she was feeling. "Have you been standing there long?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

Instead of answering, Starla turned away from him and walked towards the elevator, her steps measured yet purposeful. "Let's go."

Ha-neul hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to interpret her response. He fell into step beside her as they approached the elevator. The soft ding signaled its arrival, and they stepped inside. The doors closed slowly behind them, enclosing them in a brief moment of silence.

...

A few minutes later, Starla and Ha-neul entered her apartment unit. Ha-neul looked around, seemingly amazed by what he saw. The apartment was clean and tidy despite not being very large. The living room featured a cozy sofa adorned with a few vibrant throw pillows, complemented by a coffee table displaying a small vase of fresh flowers. Against one wall stood a neatly arranged bookshelf, its shelves filled with a variety of books spanning different genres. Soft lighting from a nearby lamp cast a warm glow over the room, enhancing its inviting ambiance.

From the living room, the kitchen was visible through an open doorway. It gleamed with pristine countertops that reflected the soft light, and the cabinets were meticulously organized, each item in its place. A row of potted plants sat on the windowsill, their green leaves adding a touch of freshness to the space.

Ha-neul continued to take in the apartment with a mixture of admiration and curiosity. The simplicity and orderliness of Starla's home seemed to reflect her personality—a blend of warmth and attention to detail. He turned to Starla with a smile, genuinely impressed.

"Your place is so clean and organized," Ha-neul said, praising the neatness of the unit. "You really have a knack for keeping things nice, Starla."

Hearing the compliment, Starla didn’t respond; she still seemed listless because she had seen Ha-neul with another woman earlier. Her mind was preoccupied with conflicting emotions—jealousy, disappointment, and a sense of uncertainty about where she stood with Ha-neul. Despite her efforts to appear composed, her thoughts kept returning to the image of Ha-neul and the other woman laughing together in the lobby. The evening that had started with anticipation now felt heavy with unresolved feelings, casting a shadow over their interaction in her apartment.

As they sat in the living room, the silence between them grew palpable. Starla fidgeted with her hands, unsure of what to say. She glanced at Ha-neul, who was looking at her with a mixture of concern and confusion. His attempts at light conversation about books and movies fell flat against the backdrop of Starla's distant demeanor.

Ha-neul noticed her lack of enthusiasm but couldn’t guess why. "Are you still feeling weak from just recovering?"

Starla shook her head. "No, I'm completely fine now."

Her voice was steady, but there was a hint of tension beneath the surface. She looked at Ha-neul, trying to compose herself, yet unable to hide the turmoil in her eyes. The evening had taken an unexpected turn, leaving her unsettled.

Ha-neul furrowed his brows slightly, sensing that something was amiss. The atmosphere between them had shifted, and he couldn’t ignore the tension that hung in the air like a heavy cloud. He wanted to ask Starla what was bothering her, to delve into her thoughts and feelings, but he hesitated. There was a delicate balance between wanting to understand and respecting her privacy. Unsure if it was the right moment to broach the subject, he decided to shift his focus, hoping to lighten the mood.

"So, have you read any good books lately?" Ha-neul asked, his voice gentle yet carrying a hint of concern. He leaned back slightly, trying to appear casual despite the turmoil of questions swirling in his mind.

Starla glanced at him briefly, her expression softening marginally. She appreciated his attempt to steer the conversation away from the uncomfortable moment earlier.

"Not really," she replied quietly, her gaze returning to the night sky. "I haven't had much time for reading lately."

Ha-neul nodded, his eyes briefly following her gaze towards the stars. "I understand. Life has been quite hectic for both of us, but I do miss those quiet moments with a good book. It’s like escaping to another world, isn’t it?"

Ha-neul tried to engage her in conversation, sharing anecdotes about the latest books he had read and his recent experiences. He spoke with his usual warmth and enthusiasm, yet Starla found it difficult to reciprocate. Her mind kept drifting back to the scene in the lobby, replaying Ha-neul's smile directed at the other woman.

She stole glances at Ha-neul when he wasn't looking, observing the way his eyes lit up when he talked, the gestures he used to emphasize his points—all things she had grown fond of. But now, each glance reminded her of the woman who had captivated his attention earlier. She couldn’t help but compare herself to that woman, wondering what qualities Ha-neul found appealing in her that he didn’t see in Starla.

Ha-neul, sensing her distant demeanor, grew increasingly concerned. He tried to decipher the reason behind Starla’s subdued mood. Was it lingering weakness from her recent illness? Or was there something else bothering her, something she wasn’t ready to share?

...

That night, Starla sat on her apartment balcony, a solitary figure under the vast expanse of the star-studded sky. The cool breeze brushed against her skin, carrying with it a faint scent of distant rain. Despite the tranquil ambiance of the night, her heart remained heavy with unresolved emotions.

The city sprawled below her like a glittering carpet of lights, each flickering bulb a testament to lives bustling beneath her solitary perch. Yet, the sounds of the city were muffled, as if the night had draped a veil of quiet over its restless streets. It was a night made for introspection, for sorting through tangled thoughts and unruly emotions.

Starla’s gaze wandered aimlessly across the celestial canvas above, tracing constellations she couldn't name. Her mind, however, kept returning to the scene that had unfolded earlier in the lobby of her apartment building. The image of Ha-neul conversing effortlessly with the beautiful woman replayed in her mind like a persistent refrain, stirring feelings of unease and insecurity.

Lost in her thoughts, Starla hadn’t heard the door behind her creak open. The sudden sound startled her, and she turned swiftly, her heart racing with a mix of surprise and apprehension.

"Ah, you surprised me," she exclaimed softly, her voice betraying the turmoil within her.