Chapter Forty-Three - The journals

“How far have you gotten?” Adam asked as he came into the library where Xavier and Nadine were hunched over the same journals they had all looked at a couple hours earlier. They had made some headway, but not much in the little time he’d been away.

“We know when the experiments started” Xavier answered.

He and Nadine had been hunched over the books for what felt like hours, and they were still no closer to figuring out anything of importance. All they knew what when it started, and what if had started with. Loads and loads of tests.

“The one thing I can’t wrap my head around is why. Like, we all know there are black sheep of every family and every species. And there are many witches and warlocks who dabble in the dark magic. But this. Chaos isn’t dark magic; Chaos is a weapon. Why would someone have to create a weapon?”

That was the thing that bothered Nadine the most. They could find out everything about the how and when, but the answer would always be why. Why her, why now.

“Why now? I know the world isn’t a peaceful place, there is war upon war, humans against humans, shifters against shifters. But it’s been like that since the very beginning, and it’s going to be like that to the very end. So, why now?”

Adam and Xavier looked at the young witch with an empty expression. They had no clue what to answer her, or even how to try and find those answers.

“Someone wanted to create a weapon. I they chose the least like species to do so, because in all honesty, who would have expected the fae to do this?” Xavier said after a moment of silence, his hands trembling.

The more he read, the more he learned, the more he thought about it anger filled him. It ran through his veins like a fire refusing to settle down. His element was water, calm and collecting, healing – but now all he felt was the desire to destroy. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how Talia felt with all of this power floating through her body.
“That’s true. You’re pretty notorious about your bloodline” Nadine chipped in, earning herself a look from Xavier.

“What? It’s the truth. Fae’s are notorious about their blood, the pureness of it, and how to continue their pure lines. A fae don’t have offspring with anyone but other pure fae’s. That the general rule – and I believe it’s stupid” She continued.

“And they don’t typically marry out of love, but status and power, and what will make them look better. Doesn’t really scream healthy relationship goals”

The more she talked, the more worked up Xavier got. He got it, his kind was old-fashioned and notorious. She didn’t have to keep remind him any chance she got.

“What if someone settle with something who isn’t fae?” Adam asked as he took a seat by the table, grabbing one of the journals closer to him and opening it on a random page. The page was filled with small, curly letters. The words nearly unreadable. But the date – July 21st 2002, was clear as day in the upper right corner. It made his insides twist.

“Who knows? It’s unheard of” Nadine answered with a glance over at Xavier.

“It’s unheard of for a good reason. If you’re the reason your offspring have “muddled” blood it’s not only shame on you. Your entire family is shunned for eternity. It doesn’t help that the elder fae’s are all ancient men with outdated ways of life either” Xavier answered Adam with a huff.

“Just how uncommon is it?” Adam continued to ask; his curiosity now peeked. He’d never given much thought to the fae’s way of life. To anyone but the wolves to be honest. It was time to rectify and educate himself on other species as well.

“Very. Most children born hybrid fae don’t live to see their first birthday” Xavier answered through clenched teeth.

“Why?” Adam could tell it was a difficult topic just from Xavier’s expression alone, but he couldn’t help himself.
“Why not? If it’s not pure it doesn’t deserve life. That’s what they say, not what I believe, just for the record” Xavier busied himself with another journal, flipping through the pages with such violence that the paper threatened to rip.

“How about we focus on something else? Like – how did your grandmother get this kind of knowledge in the first place?” Nadine had come over several paragraphs in the journal she was reading that told her the old woman wasn’t working alone.

“And why would she experiment with something pure?” Adam added with an afterthought, earning himself a glare from both Nadine and Xavier.

“But think about it for a second. Fae’s don’t experiment with blood because they believe in the strength in purity, which begs the question. Why would your grandmother do it to her own flesh and blood? Was she truly that desperate?” Adam continued.

“She claimed she was trying to find a way to help restore her people. And she probably believed that Talia was the right person to experiment on because some of the elders told her” Xavier answered. But had to hand it to the alpha wolf, he had a valid point.

“But what if – and just go with me on this – she didn’t experiment on her own flesh and blood?” Nadine chipped in, putting the journal she was reading in down.

“What if she chose her because she was different, and she was picked because of that difference?”

“She told me she only did what they told her to do – who are they?” Xavier added.

“Someone who hasn’t been treated fairly in a long long time” Nadine answered.

“That doesn’t really narrow it down” Adam said drily. “Every species has had their ups and downs”

“But you weren’t burned or drowned” Nadine argued.

“Werewolves were hunted like beats, vampires are surprising enough close to extinction, witches were burned or drowned, shapeshifters decrease in numbers every year because humans hunt animals for sports. The only species that hasn’t been targeted are the fea’s”

Adam recapped, both him and Nadine looking at Xavier, waiting for her to say something. But he had nothing. They had a point, and he hated them for it.

“So someone who holds a grudge used the kind who have the best chance of success of hiding their true nature” Xavier sighed, massaging his temples. He could feel a headache sneaking up on him.

“That doesn’t answer who them are though” Nadine sighed.

“Witches. They can manipulate many things, I’m sure they could also disguise themselves as someone else, making desperate people believe they are someone they trust” Xavier hated to blame Nadine’s kind, but it was their best bet.

“But witches only hold grudges against the humans. Why would they trick another kind into creating a weapon for them when they could have easily created on themselves? You said it yourself once, ‘she’s the purest of them all’. What if that’s why? They targeted your family for that reason. How much to you know about your heritage?” Nadine put the journal she’d been reading down, shifting to look between the other men in the room.

“Or, what if that’s what they wanted me to believe” Xavier started to frantically look through the journals, not exactly knowing what he was looking for.

“They started the experiment when she was young, too young to show her true source of power. So they had to know, somehow, that she was in fact different. Which begs the question – what if they lied? What if she wasn’t flesh and blood, but a gift from someone else?” Xavier kept looking, frantically flipping through every journal he could get his hands on.

“And what if she wasn’t created so a weapon, but to destroy the bloodline?” He continued. The pieces were coming together, the bigger picture starting to reveal itself.

“No one would ever question it, because she’s a Bell, and the Bell’s are as pure as they can be. But what if she’s not. What if…” The headache had settled, making tiny dots of light flash before his eyes.

“Xavier, slow down” Nadine’s voice was filled with worry as she went to his side, placing her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at him.

“You’re not at fault. You hear me. You didn’t know. And when you learned, you did the right thing. You’re not at fault. Repeat after me, it’s not my fault”

“It’s not my fault” Xavier repeated, but he didn’t believe it. It was his fault. She was his baby cousin, and had always been more like a baby sister, he should have protected him.

“Again. It’s not my fault” Nadine continued.

“It’s not my fault” Xavier echoed; the little dots of lights faded.

“Not my fault”

“It’s not my fault” Xavier repeated again. And again. And again. He said it over and over until his headache subsided.

“You’re not at fault. I know it. He knows it” Nadine pointed to Adam.

“And I know it” Talia said from the doorway.

“I’m so sorry” Xavier chocked, making Talia close the distance between them, hugging him from behind as Nadine still had her hands on the sides of his face.

“I know you are” Talia whispered into his hair. “You did the right thing then, and I know you’ll do the right thing again” She hugged him tighter. She’d been so mad at him for what he’s done, not stopping to wonder just how he was feeling. How much it had hurt him to stay away from his family and pretend she wasn’t alive.

“I just wanted to protect you” Xavier sniffled, forcing away the tears away.

“I know. And you did. You protected me in every way you could, and I’ll always be grateful for that. I’m done being mad at you” Talia released him from the hug, straightening her back.

“And we’ll figure out this all together, one way or another. There are answers here, and we’re gonna find them. Together” She gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before she got seated on the table, her hands lingering over one of the journals.

“You’re not going to like this” Nadine warned her, but Talia took a deep breath. She was ready. She couldn’t hide from the things that might hurt. Her past hurt, and she wasn’t hiding away from that.

“I know – but I have to this” Talia opened the book, feeling tears prick at the back when she saw her grandmothers handwriting. The same letters that had grazed her birthday cards for so many years. Written by the same person who had loved her like any grandmother could, but at the same time experimented on her. How could it have been the same person?

“Did Lilith find out anything of use?” Adam asked as he took the seat next to her, moving the chair over so he sat as close to her as possible, their shoulders touching.

“Not yet. It takes some time to match DNA” Talia answered. Taking the test was easy, it had taken less than two minutes. Waiting for the results, that was a whole other task.

“How do you feel?” Adam wondered, taking her hand in his, lifting it to his lips.

“Like my whole existence have been shaken to the core” Talia answered truthfully. “And you?”

“Like I’ve woken up in a bad dream” Adam answered, rubbing his face with his free hand.

“It will get better, I’m sure of it” Talia said confident. Though everything was looking down right now she had faith it would get better, one way or another. But when, that was a whole other chapter.