Chapter Sixty – The ugly truth

The portal closed behind them, leaving them outside by the clinic, the sun still shining down on them, the sky a clear blue. The breeze was soft, carrying a scent of flower with it. Everything was a mixture of joy and happiness around them. The little ones were running around not far from them, their laughter echoing through the entire property. Families were gathered on the makeshift porches on their huts, talking and smiling. Everyone had found a little time to be happy and relaxed with the sun raining its warmth over them.

But Talia didn’t smile. Couldn’t smile. She heard the laughter, but it didn’t bring a smile to her face like it used to. She could feel the sun’s rays in her body, warm and inviting, yet she felt cold.

“I need a favor” She looked to Lilith.

“As long as it doesn’t involve sneaking you out of here” Lilith answered.

Talia shook her head. No, she didn’t need that. She’d been so afraid earlier, when the storm had raged over their heads, when she’d felt a fire burn within her, threatening to devour her whole. And she’d thought that maybe it would be better if she left. Or if she got answers. She didn’t want answers to who or why any longer. Not answers on what she could do – she would figure that out in time, as she learned to control it. Learned to use it to her advantage. But she had to be sure that what she’d read in that last journal entry was the truth.

“It’s a medical one” Talia whispered, pulling the doctor with her towards the clinic. It was the most private building of them all, every room soundproof for privacy.

They found an empty office with the equipment needed. Talia hadn’t said a word on the short walk, no explanation before the door closed behind them.

“Nadine found an entry and asked me to read it. I need you to tell me if the words on the page is true, if they, if she…” Words caught in her throat. Anger had been her salvation earlier. Then adrenaline. Now both were gone, and she broke into tears.

Lilith was quick to embrace her, allowing her to cry and make incohesive words and sounds while she tried to understand. Lilith was a trained doctor, good at her job dealing with both the dead and alive. And she knew how to decipher the mumbling words that came out of patients who were at a loss, crying or couldn’t make normal conversation because of everything they felt. She listened to the mumbles, the sounds, and tried to make it all come together to explainable sentences. She didn’t like what she was hearing.

“Come here” Lilith guided Talia to the examination bench once her shoulders had stopped shaking.

Talia sat down on the bench, folding her hands in her lap. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and she could still feel it linger in the back of her throat. Her voice was sure to be nothing but a thick whisper if she had to answer questions.

“This might be some uncomfortable questions, but I have to ask them. If not as your friend, but as your on-site doctor. I would recommend asking someone else go through this with you, but I assume you don’t want that?” Lilith started, and Talia shook her head. She didn’t want anyone else.

“Good. Now I need you to tell me, when was the last time you bled?”

Talia knitted her brows together, thinking. She knew what Lilith meant, she could bring back memories of the sudden need for both new clothes and sanitary products on surprise visits. But – that was all a long time ago.

When she’d woken up with amnesia she’d not known much. Not who she was, or what had happened. It was all a blank canvas inside her head. But she’d known she was female, for some unknown reason, it was just that feeling inside of her. And she’d come to learn that she was a fae from Adam, and his mystery friend, who undoubtedly was Xavier. Out of sight, but always watching out for her. But this, a part of human anatomy, they’d never talked that over. Not once.

“I don’t know” Talia answered in the end, feeling a pit settle in her stomach. She didn’t know much about human anatomy, but she remembered why women bled. And she knew why they didn’t. And there was no way she could have been pregnant for almost ten years.

“Let’s do a pelvic ultrasound, to be sure” Lilith found the machine in the corner and rolled it over. Ideally, she would have done an internal one to check everything, but they’d start with an external one for now.

Talia laid down on the bench and moved her sweater up like she’d seen women do when they were getting an ultrasound to check how their baby were doing. But she wasn’t checking her baby, she was checking if she could ever have one. Tears stung in her eyes once again, and her throat felt tight. She’d never given it much thought, kids and family. She’d just lived her life, surfed on her own wave. But now that she had someone she wanted to spend her life with, and learning she might never have a family with that person. It was a lot.

“Deep breath” Lilith reminded her, squirting the cold, blue gel on her stomach before tracing the transducer over her lower abdomen. One time, a second time, a third. The crease between her brows grew deeper. She didn’t have to say a word for Talia to know. To understand exactly what that doctor had done to her years back.

“They removed it” Talia said casually, trying not to let it get to her. Trying to not let it feed the anger she was already feeling. Her own grandmother had allowed them to do it. To be sure she never passed on whatever was passable to a next generation. To think that she’d actually been sad to find her dead now angered her. It was absurd now to think of.

“I’m sorry” Lilith didn’t know what else to say. She put the transducer back and found some tissues to wipe away the gel on Talia’s abdomen. All the while the other woman just stared at the ceiling, taking in deep and controlled breaths.

“Do you want me to tell anyone?” Tell Adam was what she meant. Nadine knew, but she wouldn’t tell anyone but the one person who could verify the truth. She wouldn’t tell Adam or Xavier. Lilith hoped she’d stashed the journal away, so they didn’t find it.

“No” Talia didn’t know what else to say. She felt obliged to tell Adam, she didn’t want to hide the truth from him, keeping him in the dark about this was out of the question. But what would that mean for their relationship? The one that had just started and made her feel so good. Being with him made everything bad fade away for a little while, he gave her a sense of calm, gave her a chance to breath before the storm continued to rage on around her. She wished he was there with her.

“He’ll be here soon” Lilith said like she’d read her mind.

Talia had been so focused on the ceiling, to keep the tears in her eyes from escaping, that she hadn’t seen the doctor pull up her phone and send a message. She should have been mad, but she wasn’t. She was thankful. Lilith saw what she needed, and she acted like the good doctor she was, doing what was right for her patient.

“Don’t leave me” She whispered, reaching out for Lilith’s hand.

She was still laying on her back, her stomach exposed and tears in her eyes when the door opened and Adam came barging in, only half clothed. Devan had mind linked him mid run, and he’d turned back around in a second, hurrying as fast as he could.

When he saw her lying there on the bench, the ultrasound machine by her side, and her abdomen exposed his breath caught at his throat, words refusing to come out. For a brief moment he allowed himself to travel down the road, the happy road, before he noticed her tears and the look on her face. It wasn’t tears of joy.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was soft, Damir nudging him to thread carefully. He still held his shirt in his hand, thankful for the small distraction the fabric gave him. It gave his hands something to focus on, grounded them in a way.

Talia couldn’t say a word. The brief moment of joy she’d seen flash in his eyes made her heart break all over again. He wanted her, she was his mate, but she could never have his children. Not in the traditional way.

Lilith looked to Talia, who focused on the ceiling again, before gesturing Adam to come sit in a chair she pulled up beside the bench. The gravity of what she was about to tell him would surly even knock the legs out from under a strong Alpha.

“Can someone tell me what is happening?” The nonverbal communication made his skin itch. He now understood how Talia felt whenever he conversed with someone. It was annoying, he’d have to get better at that.

“I… I can’t… They… My…” Talia tried, but words failed her time and time again as new tears welled up. Adam moved the chair closer to the bench, taking her hand and focusing on her. And only her. Everything else blurred out as he focused on her eyes. On the tears. On the pain she felt. He couldn’t feel it, couldn’t share it over the bond like mated mates could, but he tired. Tried to show her that he was here, and he wouldn’t leave.

“I’ll give you two a moment” Lilith took her leave. Talia had asked her to stay, but this was a conversation best held in private, something the two of them should share alone. “I’ll be just outside if you need me”

The door closed and Talia took a deep breath. Then another. Her eyes shifting from the ceiling to Adam, to the look on his face, the love in his eyes. Their bond was strong, forged by a Goddess or not. Their paths had crossed on a faithful night, and he’d never left her side. Even when she was thousands of miles away, he still supported her. Always nothing but a phone call away, day and night. He wouldn’t push her away or leave, that much she could be sure of.

“Nadine showed me a journal entry. The last one, just weeks before…” She let the sentence die, both knowing what she referred to. “And it said that a doctor was there to ensure I could never reproduce. And…” Talia had to take a break and look away, the look of horror and disgust on Adam’s face too much. It wasn’t meant for her, she knew, but it was still difficult to look at. “And they removed it. They made sure” She was unable to continue, but Adam understood.

He moved from the chair to the bench, scooping her up into his lap, his hands circling around her, embracing her in his warmth, his love. How much would he not have sacrificed to go back in time and made sure none of this ever happened. To live in blissful unawareness of how deep this went, how much they had done to change her, to form her into their image. He couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around why. And a part of him was glad, it made him believe he was some sort of decent being for not understanding the need or will to do something like this.

“Talia – I” He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say he was going to fix it, because he couldn’t. No one could. It was irreversible, one didn’t need to be a doctor to understand that. And he couldn’t say it would be fine. It was the wrong time and place for such a word. Maybe in time they would find a way to accept it, be fine with it, but not now.

“Don’t say anything, please” She pleaded, her voice raw from crying. She’d cried her heart out time and time again in such a short timeframe, she was surprised there were still any tears left.

“We’ll figure this out, together” Adam whispered, ignoring her plea. He had to say something, otherwise his own thoughts were going to drive him crazy. Having someone who wasn’t wolf as a mate was something he had accepted a long time ago. He didn’t care, because why would he? So what if he didn’t have offspring’s who weren’t pure wolf? But this. Having no offspring at all with the woman he wanted to build a life with, he needed time to adjust, to come to terms with it. They would be fine, he was confident in their relationship, but he also knew it would take time.

“Together” Talia echoed, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, relaxing her body and mind into his embrace. Letting the bond she had with him surround her, let it chase away the chaos and panic for just a second. Her tears had dried, and she promised herself to take a break from crying. The very foundation of her life had crumbled, reduced to dust, but his love for her stood strong, providing her with the footing she needed to compose herself, to reign herself in from the edge of emotional disaster.

They had hit rock bottom, and it couldn’t get worse.