Chapter Fifty-Five – The confessions

“I’m putting everyone at risk. I should leave”

Talia sat rested against the headboard of Adam’s bed. He’d carried her upstairs after the whole turmoil down in the library. The emotions. They had been overwhelming, overpowering. Some days it felt like she was managing. Head above water, floating around on a quiet lake. Other times it felt like she was caught in a storm, huge waves crashing against her, forcing her under water, further down the deep.

“You’re not” Adam said, settling on the edge of the bed next to her, placing his hand on her knee.

“I’m losing control Adam. Today it was a storm, what if next time it’s a raging fire? What if…” Her voice caught in her throat. She didn’t have to say it, they both knew what she was thinking of. The safe havens. The fires. No one made it out.

“Deep breaths. Remember, deep breaths” Adam soothed. He couldn’t say it would never happen, that he wouldn’t allow for her to get out of control like that. But it was a promise he couldn’t keep.

“In. Count to five. Out. Count to five. You’ve said it half a dozen times already” Talia said annoyed. He’d repeated it over and over again, like he didn’t believe she would remember on her own. She knew he was only trying to help, but he didn’t. But the breathing, that helped.

“I just want to help. And I don’t want you to leave. I want you here. And I’m going to be so selfish and say that I need you here. We need you here” He gestured to himself and everywhere around him.

“I’m scared Adam. I’m terrified to the bone scared. This – it’s so much. So much unknown. So many secrets. I’m not who I thought I was. I’m not even what I thought I was. I have all these emotions running wild inside of me, happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, rage. I don’t know how to control everything” Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as she spoke. Letting it all out was better than keeping it in. “What if I lose control and someone I love get hurt? What if I lose control and everything turns into a tornado of destruction? I don’t want to hurt anyone. Least of all you”

She crawled into his lap, curling up into a ball, resting against his shoulder.

“And what if you don’t? What if you find a way to control it?” Adam asked back.

Talia stayed silent, just resting against his body, letting his calm and loving aura surround her.

“What if someone else gets hurt because you weren’t here?” He continued.

“´What if someone who deserves it get hurt?”

“What if…?”

“I get it – there are lots of what ifs” Talia interrupted him. She got it. The future was unknown, a whole lot of what ifs. “But I’m still scared. I feel like a little lost girl who just wants someone to give her a warm hug and say that everything is going to be okay, even though it might not”

Adam wrapped his arms tighter around her, holding her against his chest, embracing her in a warm hug. “It’s going to be okay. I don’t know when, or how, but one day everything will be okay” Adam whispered into her ear, his hot breath tickling.

“I want to believe you” Talia whispered back, still feeling tears prickle her eyes. She felt calmer when he was around. He was her anchor when the storm was raging, keeping her from drifting away. He couldn’t keep her from going under, but he could keep her from being washed away.

“Just take one minuet at the time” Adam mussed.

“Easier said than done with everything happening at the speed of lightning. I’m dead, then I’m not dead, but I don’t remember that I should have been dead, so all is good. Then I start to remember everything, and I realize, hey I should have died that day. But I didn’t die, so yay for that. But then my cousin explains why, and suddenly, I am this dangerous creature that was created by mad scientists. That’s fun to learn, let me tell you. And then there are all these new wolves, all these new people, and the ball just kept on rolling. My life feels like a ball of snow rolling downhill, growing bigger and bigger until it hits the rock bottom and splash into a million little pecks of snow once again. And I don’t know when that will happen, but it will happen, cause the downhill will flatten out and I will explode”

Adam just held her in his arms, rocking slightly back and forth, letting her vent out all her feelings.

“I don’t want people to get hurt Adam. Watching you take those arrows, knowing you had full well taken one of them for me, watching you hurt, I was so angry. And all I could think about was save him. Make sure he’s okay. Help him heal. I didn’t care about Ariel; I didn’t care if she shot me. I just wanted to keep you safe” She crawled closer to Adam, as clinging to him as hard as she could.

“I was scared” Adam admitted. “I was scared she would hurt you, and that there was nothing I could do about it” His voice was shaky, his throat tightening as he choked up. It didn’t matter to him if Ariel wanted him dead. She wasn’t the first and would likely not be the last. He could take it. But the fear of hurting Talia. Having her in the line of fire. He knew she was strong. Stronger than most. But she didn’t heal. She couldn’t take hits like he and the pack could.

“I wasn’t scared of her hurting me. I was scared of her hurting you. And I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to hurt her so bad. And I think I did. I think my words broke her. And now she’s suffering in ways I never imagined. I didn’t want that for her. I just, I needed her to stop” Tears were sliding down her cheeks once again, reliving the memory of the that moment almost worse than the memory of her own near-death experience.

“I’m surprised you didn’t toss her five feet into another tree trunk” Adam admitted. She’d given Xavier a good taste of her powers over way less. “Why didn’t you?” He had to ask.

“I don’t know. I felt my power, like this prickling feeling right under my skin, warm and vibrant. But I just couldn’t attack her. I thought about you, needed to save you. And I saw the look on her face, the desperation, she was so lost. And I – I didn’t want to make it any worse. She doesn’t know what I can and can’t do, and I believe it’s a good thing” It was hard to explain really. She had been able to, it had been right there with her. But she couldn’t. Wouldn’t cross that line. Now that same huntress was at their clinic getting much needed medical care. It was ironic.

“I believe you made a vise decision” Adam agreed with her, kissing the top of her head and releasing her from his embrace. She didn’t move away from him though, just adjusted her seating, so their eyes were somewhat level.

“Thank you” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“For what?” Adam asked.

“Everything” Talia smiled at him, her hands tangling in his hear as she leaned in, kissing him deeply. Savoring the taste of his lips, the feel of his hands on the small of her back. She leaned in deeper, parting his lips, her tongue finding his.

A soft moan escaped her as they parted to catch her breath. Her cheeks were flustered, her hands still tangled in Adam’s hair. His eyes kept flicking between amber and yellow, both wolf and human wanting to enjoy this moment. It made her smile. Made her feel special.

“Stay” His voice was a deep, raw rumble. Human and wolf blended together. It gave her goosebumps.

She couldn’t answer him. Despite everything she had shared with him, the fear, her worries, she still wasn’t sure. It was still a risk. Always a risk. What if?

“Don’t think. Just…” Adam asked her, pressing his lips against her once more. Hands moved from her back to the side of her head, covering her ears. It blocked out the noise of the outside. She couldn’t hear the kids laughing, or the wolves training. The outside was blocked out, only sound was her beating heart.

Eyes closed, ears muffled, lips locked.

The only sensation was his lips against her, their body pressed together. Her hands in his hair, tugging at his roots as the kiss deepened, sending shivers down her spine. She could feel the love he put into it. Could almost taste it. Sweet, but passionate. Tender, yet fierce. She moved again, straddled his lap, pressing against him, feeling how his body responded to her. She would be lying if she said she didn’t like it. If she said she didn’t want more of this. More of him.

She couldn’t leave. Couldn’t flee just because she was scared. Couldn’t give up on this feeling. This love. This home.

Their lips parted, both breathing heavily.

“Mark me” Talia asked looking up at his closed eyes.

It took his brain a moment to register what she had asked of him. He opened his eyes slowly, locking his with hers. There was no doubt in her blues, only determination.

“Talia” He tried to protest, Xavier’s words still ringing in his ears. Don’t mark her until we know what she is. They knew what she was. Yet. He hesitated.

“I will promise to stay and never leave when you mark me”