Twenty-two

Everyone keeps telling me that it was all wrong, including my instinct. Could that be the real reason as to why I actually ended my relationship with Dean? So what if I'm not sure on how I feel about him yet? I think what we had was real.
Maybe it wasn't. Maybe I'm right about all of this. I could not love Dean afterall. Is there something that is pulling me away from him? Is it something I did? Was I ever actually into him to begin with?
All these questions, but I still can't seem to find the answers. Sure, Dean and I had fun, what we had was great, but how come I couldn't feel anything? He told me that he loves me and I just froze. I actually had to think if I do love him or not. Could it be a good sign that I'm not sure? Or is a bad sign? What do these signals mean?
The real answer I need to know is how Dean is holding up. He removed me from his class. I think I really hurt him.
"Shouldn't you be with your parents?" Blake's face appears above mine.
I lay under my favorite tree with my legs up against the bark. Blake hovers over me with his hands laced behind his back.
I close my eyes with a sigh. "I should. . .but I don't want to see them right now. Too much is going on." I pout. "Plus my mom discovered lingerie while doing my laundry, so things are pretty awkward now."
He chuckles as he drops down and crosses his legs. His head still hovers over mine to see me.
"What's wrong? I thought you told Dean you loved him?" His expression becomes cold.
I know that he still doesn't believe that Dean and I should be together. However, at least he's trying to be supportive.
"I almost did. . .until he blew up on me." I huff. "I just can't take it anymore. All we do is argue. We argue more than we actually talk." I shake my head.
He watches my expression for a moment before laying down beside me with his body in the different direction from mine so our heads are next to each other. He turns his head so our eyes meet. "It's good that you did." The late sun light glows on his skin.
I frown. "Really, Blake?" I huff. "I know that dating him was risky, but don't make me feel I committed murder." My head turns back at the leaves above me. I love the way the breeze brushes against them to make that water-like sound.
"I'm not trying to judge," Blake presses his eyebrows together. "I just think that leaving him was the best thing for both of you to do."
I suck in my lips, my tongue explores them on the inside. "I hurt him." I admit softly. "He removed me from his class."
He sits up with a frown. "He did?" He huffs. "What an ass."
I sit up with him while folding my legs on top of each other. "He's not the one to blame here. I was the one who hurt him." I snap.
He crosses his arms with his fists clenched. "Which is why you shouldn't have been in the relationship to begin with."
My lips fall apart, my eyes gazing directly into his with my jaw clenched. I can feel my face heat up. "You're an ass." I mutter as I stand up. I then march away from him towards the dorm building.
"Rosie." He calls. I can hear him jog after me.
I stop and turn to face him. "You can't keep blaming me for all that has happened. I don't regret getting with Dean. Now I just feel awful for dumping him like that when Thanksgiving is tomorrow!" My palms rub my face until they slide off. "He and I had our rough times, but he never wanted this. He really did love me and I just stabbed his heart. Can you for once be a little sympathetic?" My tone has become calm and serious. I watch him for his response.
He stands still with his eyes on me softening. He doesn't say anything. He just exhales through his nose.
I nod my head once at him. "Right." I turn back around and head towards my dorm.
* * *
"Hi, sweetie." My mother smiles when I enter. She stands in the center of my room beside my father.
I stop in place while eyeing them suspiciously. "What's up?"
They look prepared to deliver some news. Good or bad?
"As you know, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but as it turns out, we have to leave tonight." Her expression becomes soft.
My eyebrows press against each other. "You have to leave?" I chuckle at the ground. "Why?"
"You see," My father begins while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "your mother and I forgot that we made plans to visit your grandmother in Pennsylvania. So we'll be leaving tonight after dinner to see her." He wraps his arm around my mother.
"You understand, right?" She pouts. "Grandma is only going to be around for so long. We'd take you, but you have class next week."
I tilt my head. "How long are you guys staying there?"
My parents exchange looks before they glance back at me.
"A month." My mother replies.
My eyebrows shoot up. "Oh, wow." I stare at the ground. "That's a while."
She nods slowly. "So we will be celebrating Thanksgiving tonight. Where would you like to go?" She fixes her purse on her shoulder.
I perk my lips while shaking my head. "Uh, anywhere." I shrug.
* * *
"Honey," My mother snaps me out of my thoughts. She sits across from me with my father.
"What?" My eyes meets hers. I've somehow managed to tune out the restaurant sounds of people chattering and dishes clinking. It all returns back to me like as if I turned up the volume button from mute.
I've been stuck thinking about Dean. I wanted to talk to him today, but I got caught up. My debating thoughts keep screaming at each other what's right and wrong. I'm not even sure what to do anymore.
"You okay?" My mother asks sweetly. Her hand rests on mine.
I shake my head with a forced smile. "Yes, of course."
"You've just been so quiet lately. If anything is bothering you-" She begins before I stop her.
"I'm fine." I nod to reassure her. "Really. I just was thinking about my art project."
My parents grin at me.
"Okay, good, darling." She smiles. "So, what are you going to get?"
I glance down at the menu. "Just the plain Caesar salad." I grin up at her.
My father shakes his head while chuckling. "What else is a vegetarian suppose to order here?"
I smile. "This place was your idea, dad." I remind while folding my menu.
He grins at me. "Only because they have the best turkey sandwhich, since, well, it is our Thanksgiving dinner." He teases.
I stick my tongue out at him just as my phone buzzes on the booth seat beside me.
I pick up to see a text from Blake. "I'm sorry. I was an insensitive ass. Forgive me?" I roll my eyes with a smile. I was already over the argumemt. I can text him after dinner. He'll understand. It's not like I have anywhere to go after this.
* * *
"I wish we could have stayed longer." My mother pouts from the passenger side.
It's dark out here. My phone reads 11:14 PM. The air has become colder.
We're just outside my college in the parking lot. I stand on the drivers side where my father sits. The car is already running and ready to go.
"Mom, it's okay." I smile. "Tell grandma I said hi. Love you." I glance at the both of them.
They smile and both say at the same time, "Love you, too."
The car then begins pulling away. I step back for them to leave while waving. "Bye!" I call out.
I thought I would be more sad than this, but I'm not. Perhaps I already adapted to it from the first time they left me. Maybe I'm glad that they're gone. I mean, I love them so much, but the timing was bad. There's just so much going on and I'd hate for them to see me like this. It's a good thing that they left.
I pull my phone out and tap Blake's name as I head towards my car. My hand searches for my keys in my pocket as I walk. Alex has invited me over for the night. I could really talk to her.
After two rings, Blake greets, "Hey! Did you get my text?"
I smile as I press the unlock button to my Chevy. It clicks in response as the car unlocks. I stop just before the door and rest my hand on my hip. "Yes, I did. That's why I'm calling you. Look, it's fine. I'm over it." I stare at the ground. "Maybe you're right. We shouldn't have been together at all to begin with." I glance at my trunk and remember that my jacket is back there. It's freezing out here. I walk around my car towards the trunk.
"No, don't say that." Blake sighs. "It wasn't my place to say. I should've supported you better instead of being concerned about the past."
I grin as the trunk pops open. "Really, it's okay." I shake my head while searching for my gray jacket. I spot it towards the back. I continue, "Don't worry about it. I was just-" I shriek as a sudden grip around my waist pulls me back, causing me to drop my phone.
I am held against a large body with a hand covering my mouth. I can feel a gun pressed against my head as a voice growls by my ear, "Scream, and I shoot you."