Twenty-nine

I woke up before Julie today. It's hard to sleep with all of this on my mind. With Dean losing his job, Aaron not speaking to me, how am I suppose to rest peacefully?
The elevator opens for me.
I can't help but feel so guilty about all of this. Dean didn't deserve to lose his job, but I caused him to anyway. This should've never happened.
I walk past Dean's classroom. His door is open to expose him packing objects into a box on his desk.
I sigh as I watch him. He seems so sad and sluggish. He should be. He just lost the one job he spent four years of college to work at. All because of me.
I step in the doorway while tapping my knuckles on his door.
He glances at me and turns his head away, continuing to pack office supplies into the box.
I exhale. "Dean," My voice utters gently.
He avoids eye contact with me.
"Dean," I try again and continue anyway. "I never wanted this to happen."
He turns around to the file cabinet behind him. "I know you didn't." He mutters while digging through the second drawer.
I walk closer. "I'm sorry."
He pulls out a stack of files and stops to face me. "I told you this isn't your fault."
"But, it is, Dean. I was the one who told Alex about us. It's all my fault." I choke down my tears.
He sets the stack of files down in the box and faces me with his hand on his hip, the other resting on his desk. "We both knew what we were getting into when we started this. This is both of our faults." His voice becomes rough.
I march towards him with my puppy eyes. "It's my fault. I was the one who caused all of this. If it weren't for me, you'd still have your job."
"Fine!" He snaps. "It's your fault. I'm not going back and forth about this all day." He snatches a plant off the floor and places it into the box.
I watch him momentarily. "Don't be mad." My voice softens.
He turns his head towards me with a frown. "How can I not be? I just lost my god damn job." He yanks his drawer open.
I inhale deeply while staring at the ground. "I know." I declare softly. "I just wish this didn't happen."
He faces me with his jaw pushed forward. "I wish none of this happened. I wish I never had sex with you."
My chest tightens painfully. "You don't mean that." Tears rest on the waterline of my eyes.
"I do mean it. You wanna know why?" He narrows his eyes. "Because even though we had fun and all, you never loved me. You walked away, all for nothing. So yeah, I do regret all of it." He grabs scissors from the open drawer and places it in the box.
My teeth press together tightly. "Only because you made it hard to love you!" I shout with fists by my sides. "You always wanted things your way, you never listened to what I wanted. You couldn't take 'no' for an answer!" My throat dries up as tears roll down my cheeks.
"Have you ever thought that you were the one who was complicated?" His eyes narrow. "You were always the one to start the arguments, you were the one who wouldn't even listen to me, and you were the one who never loved me! You know what? I never loved you either!"
I gasp, my face wet from my tears. My teeth grit when I growl, "Go to hell." I quickly turn my back and march out of his room so that he won't have the last laugh.
I wish I never met him. I too wish we never had sex. He's the one who's complicated, not me. I was the one who tried over and over again to keep us strong, while he never tried. He's just too stubborn. He always has to have things his god damn way. I'm done with him. I'm so do-
My body slams into someone roughly from my fast pacing.
My eyes meet Aaron's. His hands are on my biceps while his eyes are lowered down at mine. He presses his eyebrows together. "Rosie? What's wrong?"
I try to free myself from his grip, but he doesn't let go.
Tears keep streaming down my face as I squirm beneath his grip.
I'd rather go back to my dorm to be alone. I don't think I have it in me to explain my misery.
"Rosie," He snaps while restraining me.
I try to pull harder, tears still pouring down my face. "Let go of me!" I growl and stab my right elbow into his stomach, causing the momentum to throw me forward from his grip.
I quickly sprint towards the elevator, trying to get away so I can be alone at last. Before I can press the button for the doors to open, I feel arms wrap around my stomach, pulling me against a hard body.
I kick my legs while banging my fists on his arms.
Aaron quietly sushes, "Sssshhhh." He whispers by my ear, "It's okay, Rosie. It's okay."
I surrender, relaxing all of my muscles until my body slides down onto the floor.
Aaron relases me and walks around to face me. He offers his hand. "Come. I know a place you can talk about it."
* * *
I'm glad he took me here. We're at the beautiful cliff he took me last time to talk.
We stay inside his car with the heater on, watching the snow turn the earth white.
After a silent moment, Aaron finally asks, "What happened?"
I stare at my lap, finding a way to structure my sentence.
How do I explain everything without crying again? I know that I should talk about this, but I can't figure out how.
"You don't have to reply." He assures. "I can take you back right now, let you sit with your thoughts. . .or we can both stay here. We don't even have to say a word. Your choice." He grins to the side while leaning his head against the seat, his eyes on mine.
I think about it just as Dean's words haunt me again. He claims that he never loved me, that I'm too complicated to love. I try to work things out and he just pushes me away. How could he? After everything we've been through, this is how he's going to treat me? I frown.
"No." I snap, fury building up in my chest. "There's nothing to talk about."
Why waste my time crying over someone who told me upfront that he doesn't love me? Just because I never said it, didn't mean that I never loved him.
My teeth grit together, my face burning from my anger.
"Are you sure?" He asks, his eyebrows raising.
Why couldn't Dean be more like Aaron? Dean was never as considerate as he was? Aaron never wants to control me or be a dick about anything. He's always been there for me. He's patient and generous. How come I've never noticed this before?
"I'm sure." I declare and push myself towards him, my lips pressing onto his.
He stills beneath me, his hands in the air as I continue to kiss him. After a couple seconds, he gently pushes me away, his eyebrows pressed together. Our faces are inches away from each other.
"What are you doing?" His eyes glance down at my lips, then up at my eyes.
I slowly pull away with a sigh. My eyes shut tightly. "I'm sorry. . .I didn't mean-"
Suddenly, his hands grab both sides of my face as he presses his lips into mine. He kisses my bottom lip while his right hand finds my waist.
I crawl over the gear shift so I can straddle his lap, our lips not moving away from each other. His hands grab my hips as I grind against him, his boner pushing against my underwear beneath my skirt.
I can hear him softly groan in his throat.
Without thinking, my libido urges me to unbuckle his jeans.
His hands fetch my wrists as he pulls his lips away. Breathlessly, he asks, "You sure you want to do this?"
I nod and smack my lips against his again, my fingers unbuckling his jeans. His hands slide up my thighs and to my hips to fetch my panties. His fingers pull them down until they're off completely.
He quickly pushes me onto the passenger seat so that he's on top of me. He thrust into me, causing me to moan.
My hand smacks against the window and slides down.