Thirty-one

I flip through the little handbook that Stanley dug out for me. I rest on my stomach on my bed as I do so.
Somewhere in here has got to be what I'm looking for. I flip the page with a sigh.
Dean has to keep his job, he's completely innocent and has a whole career ahead of him. I'd especially hate to be the reason he lost his job in the first place.
I flip the next page.
He's already upset with me. . .again. I had to tell him that I hate him. Honestly, I don't hate him. I wish that I didn't have to tell him all of that, but if I hadn't, he would've made a huge mistake being with me. I know that I would've only made him miserable.
Of course, I couldn't have told him that. He wouldn't have believed me. He's too stubborn to know what he really wants. I know for a fact that he doesn't want me.
I flip the next page.
I've never seen him so hurt before and so vurnable. How many times do I have to hurt this man? I don't want to be the reason he's hurt again.
I think about what he said earlier when he was yelling at me. Maybe he did mean all of that. Maybe he does regret having sex with me. Why else would he have said it?
I flip the page.
Then again, after seeing him how he was earlier, I have to believe that he really does love me. If only I could love him back the way he deserves. Instead, I argue with him all the time. I feel like I can't ever satisfy him.
All this time, I was blaming Dean for everything, but the problem was me. It always was. I was the one who kept secrets or pushed him away. I was the one to point fingers first at him. I was the one who asked for more out of him than what he could give.
I flip the next page. This page goes on about campus fights.
Dean always tried to fix us, not me. He gave me everything, he did his best to make me happy. He was always by my side. I never noticed these things because I was too busy pointing out his flaws. Maybe that's why I wasn't sure how to feel about him.
Either way, what's done is done. It's best that he hates me rather than love me. It's for his own sake. I am his destroyer, his explosion, a murder of love. He is the one man that truly deserves a woman opposite of me. He deserves the world, which is exactly what I never gave him.
I flip the page. My eyes widen. This page is about relationships with professors.
I read each paragraph thoroghly, reading each detail carefully so that I don't miss anything.
My eyes light up when I see it.
Bingo!
* * *
The elevator ride up to the top floor seems slower than usual. I'm so anxious about this. My heart rate keeps increasing.
I press the school book to my chest and take a deep breath.
Ding! The elevator doors slide open.
I step onto the tile and walk down the hallway.
Dean can't lose his job. Do it for Dean.
When I reach his boss' office, I knock on the door, taking another deep breath.
The door opens to Robert. He tilts his head down at me.
"Miss White?" He asks with surprise.
"Hello, do you have a moment?" I ask in my most formal voice.
He eyes me peculiarly, as if he assumes I'm hiding something. After a moment, he slowly nods. "Alright, come in."
I follow him into his small office and sit down in the chair in front of him.
"What is it that you need to talk about?" He folds his hands.
I exhale and open my saved page in the book, setting it onto his desk in front of him.
"On page forty-two, section eight, the school policy says that relationships between a student and a professor are prohibited except if the student is not in his or her class." I point at the paragraph.
He reads the section momentarily and glances back up. "Your point is?"
"Well," I close the book and slide it back into my lap. "I didn't have him for math before you switched me over to another class. You see, you thought I was in his class, but Dean moved me to another class. Technically, I'm not his student." I explain.
He frowns. "Miss White-"
"Check my schedule. It should be there in the system. " My eyes gesture towards his computer.
He exhales, watching me cautiously while pulling up my name. His eyes draw over to the screen. He raises his eyebrows. "You're right. I must have missed that." He glances back at me. "However, before he moved you, you were his student while having an intimate relationship."
I lower my gaze. Dammit. What do I say now?
"But-" I argue before he cuts me off.
"If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting in five minutes." He glares at me.
I sigh while nodding my head. "Thank you for your time."
* * *
I really thought that would work. He did make a point though. Technically, Dean and I were still having sex even before the class change. It's pointless now, there's nothing I can do.
I just really wanted him to keep his job. I feel that I owe that much to him. He deserves his job. This isn't fair.
I groan while throwing my back against the bed.
Julie walks in with a starbucks cup.
I sit up, pretending that I'm okay. Casually, I ask, "Where were you? With that mysterious sophmore boy?" I smirk.
She sips her coffee while walking in. Her head shakes. "No, he doesn't go here anymore."
I tilt my head. "He got transferred?" I chuckle.
She shrugs. "I think so. You know what's weird, though? I swear he looks like one of the security guards here." She begins to laugh. "Isn't that funny?"
My eyes widen as I puzzle the pieces together: sophmore, transferred, security guard.
"Aaron?" I stand up while tilting my head.
She twists her face. "Who's Aaron?" She giggles.
I suck in my lips at the ground then ask, "Blake?"
Her eyes light up. "You knew Blake?"
My jaw drops.
Holy crap.
"He's practically my best friend." I run my fingers through my hair.
She gasps with a smile. "Oh my gosh! I had no idea!" She squeals and laughs.
I tilt my head. "Are you two. . .a thing?"
Just out of curiosity.
She shakes her head. "I thought we were going to, but he just didn't seem all that interested. Ever since he transferred, I hadn't seen him since."
I consider informing her that he's the security guard here, but decide against it. I'd rather not.
"That's okay. I'd rather not worry about boys this year. How about you?" She smiles and sips her drink.
"Trust me, I'm done with them too." I huff.
* * *
I decided to visit the library tonight. At least it's a place to remove the stress of today from my mind. Too much has happened.
I'm still upset that I couldn't get Dean his job back. There's nothing else I can do, but a part of me wants to keep fighting.
When I walk down the hall, I spot Aaron causally guarding the main entrance. It must be his main job considering I see him there a lot now.
I walk up towards him with a giggle. "When were you going to tell me that you knew Julie?"
"I didn't think it mattered." He shrugs.
I smile. "I still would've liked to know." I nudge his shoulder playfully.
He chuckles at the ground. "Fine, next time I'll let you know every person that I meet and every person I befriend."
I smile and playfully joke, "Promise?"
"Maybe." He smirks.
I giggle just as my phone rings. "Hold on." I tell Aaron as I walk away from him to answer the call.
It's from an unknown number. I answer it anyway, just in case it's my mom or someone in some kind of emergency.
"Hello?" I greet the stranger.
"Miss White," A familiar voice welcomes. "this is Robert, we had spoken earlier. I called to inform you that I spoke with my boss today, Derek. He's allowing Dean to have his job back."