Gilded Lily
Lya
Last night, the big black wolf barked at my door to be let in. I sighed when I saw him, telling him I had always wanted a dog, but it seemed like this was the closest I was going to get, so he could stay. This morning, he had woken me up with a cold nose to the cheek before nosing open the sliding door to the patio and scampering out.
Tala was still riding on the high of besting a pack warrior yesterday, even though I kept trying to remind her she was just a pack warrior in training.
Oliver had made sure to tell me he really didn’t want me fighting just anyone again. I was barely healed, most fighters here are actually good, blah blah blah. But she was a bitch. And I would never apologize for taking up the opportunity to put a bitch in her place. I had done it before, and I would do it again.
I couldn’t explain what snapped in me yesterday. I think it was more Tala that couldn’t stand the way Ellie spoke and acted, but I was still fairly certain I hadn’t done anything to deserve the attitude. Last I checked, my existence wasn’t a crime in this pack. That being said, it was almost a relief to run into someone who wasn’t warm and welcoming - it made the place seem more real.
The packhouse was empty when I made my way out of my room, so I had retrieved the book I was reading and found my way to the patio to read while drinking way more coffee than I needed. I was exceptionally good at getting lost in books, especially when I was avoiding thinking about something. I had two topics to avoid thinking of today: one being the failed attempts at shifting yesterday, and the other being the full moon party thing tonight.
Working with Rose yesterday didn’t go well, to say the least. She wanted me to work on shifting at will, and that happened a grand total of zero times. She had been so upbeat and insisted it would be so easy, going so far as to say it was even natural.
Rose had shifted first, explaining the process. Envision your wolf, think about what it’s like to be in your wolf form, then just relax.
She had shifted back to her human form - sans clothes - and said, “Your turn now! Give it a go!”
So I did. I closed my eyes, thought of the auburn fur, tried to remember what it was like to feel the wind rustling through it.
'Nope,' Tala scoffed.
I furrowed my eyebrows and Rose encouraged me to try again.
'Not happening.'
I huffed in frustration.
“It just takes a few tries,” Rose insisted. “It’ll happen, don’t worry. Make sure you really relax and call on your wolf to come forward.
I sighed, but did as I was told.
'Please, Tala, can you please just do the wolf thing and we can shift?' I begged.
'Not gonna do it.'
Tala didn’t even humor me with a response after all the following failed attempts.
We gave up after the sixth attempt. Rose tried to be encouraging, but she seemed worried, too.
“Don’t stress it too much,” Rose told me. “Just maybe try and focus on getting on better terms with your wolf so she wants to work with you. Remember, the wolf and human counterparts are both individuals that just share a body and mind. We have to get along. If we don’t get along, bad stuff really can happen.”
And for that reason, I was immensely grateful there would be no shifting at the thing tonight. I wouldn’t have to show off that I had absolutely no control over my wolf and couldn’t shift when I felt like it - only when she deemed it appropriate. I didn’t really know what was going to happen, other than a bunch of pack members were going to get together to celebrate the full moon. Who knows what those celebrations included, though. Maybe there would be a virgin sacrifice or something.
I heard the patio door slide open and felt as the cushion dipped beside me. I looked up to see Oliver sitting just a little too close for comfort, bringing on an onslaught of butterflies. I looked down at my book, pretending to keep reading, but really just trying to hide my blush.
I needed to get control of this infatuation. He had a mate out there, and it wasn’t me. It was probably better I didn’t waste any time pining after other werewolves.
Was it any use pining for anyone? If I’d end up with a mate someday, even if I didn’t want one, was there even a point?
I will say, though, the one aspect of having a mate that was reassuring was not having to hide the wolfy thing. Maybe it’d help Tala and me figure things out if we found someone who appreciated and loved both of us the way I’ve always dreamed of.
“So are you just going to read the day away?” Oliver asked, peaking over my shoulder at the pages.
I smirked. “I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.”
Oliver reached out and tucked a strand of hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear. “Well I regret to inform you today is not that day,” he murmured. “Barbeque starts in a few minutes.”
I looked up to the sky, surprised to see the sun already descending. Had I really been reading for most of the day already?
Oliver stood up, reaching a hand out for me. I took it and let him lead me through the packhouse.
“Do I need to change or anything?” I asked, realizing this could be a more formal event than I was dressed for.
He looked down at my navy blue sundress covered in sunflowers and smiled. “You look beautiful.”
I dropped his hand and tried to create some distance as we walked through the doors on the other side of the packhouse to a large group of people. I felt like getting caught holding hands with the alpha would just raise questions I personally didn’t feel like answering.
“So what’s the whole deal tonight?” I asked, scanning the crowd for a familiar face.
Oliver shrugged. “Nothing big,” he assured me. I cocked an eyebrow. This certainly looked big - there were a lot of people. “The pack members just all get together, have dinner, and then usually go on a pack run. Full moons are when the Moon Goddess is closest to us, so we take the opportunity to thank her for what she has gifted us with and pay homage to our ancestors whose wolves were dictated by the cycles of the moon. It isn’t required to come by any means, but as the alpha, it also gives me an opportunity to see pack members and make announcements if need be.”
“So why no run tonight?” Not that it bothered me.
“Total lunar eclipse on a full moon,” Oliver said. “Back when werewolves could only shift under moonlight, they wouldn’t be able to shift during total lunar eclipses. They don’t line up on a full moon often. This is only my third one since taking over as alpha.”
“So what’s it like? What do I do?” I was still waiting for the weird stuff.
Oliver looked a little confused. “You uh… eat food… drink a beer if you want… there’s corn hole set up. Have you been to a barbeque before?”
“So no weird ritual stuff?” I confirmed.
“What? No!” Oliver laughed. “We’re werewolves, not a cult.”
“Some would argue that a pack of werewolves is, in fact, a cult,” I chided.
Oliver slung his arm over my shoulders. “Oh, Lya. So much to learn.”
Making our way through the crowd to just grab a beer proved more difficult than it was at any barbeques I’d been to. But, Oliver was getting stopped and pulled into a sidebar every couple strides. I suppose I could have navigated through on my own, but Oliver’s arm had migrated down to my waist, pinning me to his side. I didn’t really have it in me to fight it.
A hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me away from Oliver. Tala whined in complaint, trying to stay by Oliver’s side. I looked up and locked eyes with Rose.
“Let’s just create some distance before people start talking,” she whispered in my ear. I looked back over my shoulder at Oliver. He was staring after us, but made no move to follow. “If you’re going to be walking around arm and arm with the alpha, people are going to start to talk, and I for one have no problem with that - I actually think you and Oliver would be really cute - but I don’t think you want to be the center of attention just yet, am I right?”
I just nodded and followed after her, already missing the warmth and reassurance of Oliver’s arm around me. Getting to the beer was much quicker this way, and lord knows I’d need a lot of it if I was going to make it through this night.
I wasn’t his mate, and I owed it to whoever was to keep my hands off of him.