Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Oliver

She ran.

And to be honest, I didn’t know why.

My name on Lya’s lips echoed through my head all the way to the training grounds. I let Adair take over for the run there. I needed the release. I wracked my head to figure out where I went wrong. Was she not as into it as I thought? Did I push too far? Why couldn’t I just kiss her and then wish her goodnight?

Adair offered no words of support or encouragement in regards to Lya. He was smug and so certain he had Tala on his side, he could hardly be bothered with the human half of our mate.

We crashed into the field of the training grounds, interrupting the first year recruits morning session. I shifted quickly, grabbed a pair of shorts from the stash of spare clothes kept on the field and marched over to the head of the field. Cody was in a nonverbal pissing or eye-fucking contest with Elise - I couldn’t tell which - and didn’t even bother looking my way until I cleared my throat.

“Yes, Alpha?” he grumbled when he finally turned toward me.

“How are the recruits?” I snapped, cocking an eyebrow at Ellie. She quickly turned and sauntered off, back to the warm ups the rest of them were doing.

“Combative.” He shot a glare over his shoulder at his mate. He stepped a bit closer and lowered his voice. “What’s going on?”

“I want to see how sparring is coming along,” I bluffed. I just needed something to keep my mind off of Lya’s departure this morning. “I’m a bit concerned that someone who has nearly completed their first year could be so easily beaten by someone with no formal training.”

“Yes, Alpha.” Cody flagged down the full timers who were on the field and paired them off with the recruits to spar, then followed me over to the sidelines to watch. “You look like shit. Get much sleep?” he asked.

“No.”

“Things with your mate keep you up?” he prodded.

“Yes,” I huffed, scrubbing a hand down my face. If only he knew.

Cody crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels. “Well, I’m not the one to talk to about mate advice.”

He was right. My circle was small - just him, Trevor, and Brandon - and even though only one of us didn’t have a mate, we were all effectively single but spoken for. I gritted my teeth, cursing the Goddess for not allowing me to have one thing that went simply and easily.

But Lya was not a thing.

I turned my attention back to the recruits, taking some time to actually study their performance. One of the first things I had done once taking over as alpha was expand the school more or less for training. There were three components - warriors, scouts, and IT. Each program was four years, like college, and we even had contracts with other packs to allow their pack security to train with us. Since its development, the recruits we picked up were just getting better and better. It truly was considered an honor to make it into one of the programs, let alone graduate.

“So Elise,” I started, watching her flounder and take blow after blow.

“She’s not good enough,” he confirmed.

“I can see that.”

Cody sighed. “I think it’s because we butt heads so much in training.”

“Don’t make excuses for her,” I said. “I don’t care what goes on off the field, but here, you are Gamma, and she cannot not listen to you.”

I made my way over to her. I don’t know if I was just looking for a fight today, but this was sure to result in one. I nodded to Jace, signaling for him to return to whatever he was doing, and took his place.

“Alpha,” she huffed, already breathing hard.

“Ellie.” I didn’t waste time on greetings, instead just taking up a defensive stance.

I quickly saw where she struggled. She wasted so much energy, moved around too much too slowly, and made no attempts to cover her weak side. If we actually put her in a field, it would be her blood on my hands. Most of my recruits by the end of their first year rivaled other packs seasoned warriors, but not her. I genuinely thought I could put one of the pre-recruit high schoolers against her and consider it a fair fight.

I dropped my arms and straightened. “What’s going on, Ellie? You were top of the class when your year started.”

“Well maybe if you didn’t have some jackass in charge-”

I put up my hand, cutting off her reply. “I’ll remind you once you are speaking to your Alpha, not your mate’s friend. Your Gamma is in charge of training, not your mate. He’s put out too many quality fighters for me to listen to one complaint. It’s a trainee problem.”

Ellie crossed her arms and looked down. “It’s really hard to get training like this from my mate,” she mumbled to the ground.

I cocked an eyebrow at her. “If you want to be here, that shouldn’t be a problem. Figure out your priorities - your ego or your pack. Your first year is over in a few weeks. If you haven’t shaped up by then, the decision will be made for you.”

“Yes, Alpha,” she said quietly.

I turned away from her, heading toward the building that held Cody’s office. He was quick to fall in stride with me, and shoved a cup of coffee in my hand once we got there.

“Thanks,” I grumbled, collapsing in one of the chairs and slumping my shoulders.

Cody sat down, propped his feet up on his desk, and looked at me quizzically. “Did you talk to Lessa yesterday?” he finally asked.

“Yep,” I said, popping the ‘p.’ “She and Ric will join the pack at least temporarily while this whole ordeal is seen through. Then they’ll decide where to settle.”

He nodded slowly. “And did you find out anything else from Lya yet?”

I sipped my coffee, delaying the answer. I’d found out plenty, but not regarding what he was asking about.

“I saw you guys in the packhouse last night. Most mates fuck as soon as they meet so stop stressing about that.”

My eyes snapped up to him. “You saw that?” I demanded.

Cody didn’t look up at me. “Came by to ask if you’d seen who Ellie left with. Saw myself out pretty quickly. Might be enough to get the ball rolling for you two, though.”

I went back to glaring down at my coffee, still kicking myself for losing the tight hold on my control last night. I truly hoped he had a point and she had run for a reason other than regret.