Chapter 41

LAYLA

As I watch Jake leave my room to go and do his soundcheck, I fall back down in my seat. Now, I am not just exhausted from jet lag but also emotional from trying to fight the sexual tension between us. I do not know whether the tension just comes from my side or if he can feel it too.

I look at my cup of coffee that Rita brought me earlier on and I know that it is empty. I think that I am going to need much more than just this one cup. I stand up with a lot of effort and take my cup with me.

The best thing for me to do right now is go to the kitchen and get myself something that can help me wake up again. I do not know exactly where the kitchen would be but I follow my nose. It is clear that I am not the only one with jet lag.

Then I see Rita sitting at the table and she is also drinking a cup of coffee. She almost looks just as tired as I do and then I grab the coffee pot to pour myself some coffee. Rita then looks at me and says.

"I see that all my work was a wasted effort"

I frown as I walk closer to where she is sitting and then I take it sit across from her.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I thought it would be a good idea to take everyone a cup of coffee but almost everyone came for a second one"

I laugh and then I say to her.

"I think if you did not give us the first cup of coffee we would not be able to make it to the kitchen to get our second. So look at it this way. Without you, we would not be able to walk around"

We laugh together at the most simplest joke that we can find. Everything is funny now because we are beyond exhausted. We sit and chat for a while and I keep a close eye on my watch. I know I have a little time to spare before I should get ready for the show.

Then, not long after I came to the kitchen, Jason decides to come and get himself another cup of coffee. I start to feel nervous and I can see that Rita is keeping a close eye on me. She probably wants to see my reaction toward him.

At first, he does not see me but then after pouring himself a cup of coffee he looks over to our side. He started to walk in our direction and I feel my heart starting to race. I am so happy that Rita is here with me and that I am not alone.

"How are you ladies doing on this fine day, today?"

Luckily, Rita is the one who answers him first.

"I see that your one cup of coffee also did not work for you?"

He takes a seat next to Rita but he keeps his eyes on me.

"Yeah, I went out yesterday instead of resting and I just can not seem to get myself to do anything today. What about you?"

Then Rita realizes that he is not talking to her but he was directing the question to me. I can feel my mouth starting to dry out of pure nervousness and I wish that I can just go back to my room.

JAKE

As I walk with Mark towards the stage, I try to take a few deep breaths to forget what happened between me and Layla. I was once again very close to touching her probably inappropriately and without her permission.

I realized that I only have one show in each country and I start to feel that I am not giving my full attention to my fans. I have been distracted ever since Layla got on the plane. I have to give my all to my fans because they have paid a lot of money to see me.

Finally, we get to the stage and we start to do the soundcheck. I sing a few songs and dance a few dances. Everything works perfectly and I know that I am ready for tonight. I can see Mark smiling from ear-to-ear and he is happy about everything.

I then excuse myself and make my way back to my dressing room. As I close the door behind me, I try to get my mind focused on the show tonight. I know that I should go to the makeup room in a few minutes and I know that I will be distracted by Layla again.

I look at myself in the mirror and then I say.

"You can not be with her. She will not accept you. You are going to have to lie to her about yourself. Now...forget about her"

Suddenly, I feel a sadness filling my heart. I guess I did not want to say those words out loud because then it becomes a reality. I realized that I have to rather spend my time figuring out how I am going to live my life with the wolf that wants to manifest within me. It is as if I agree with myself and then I make my way to the makeup room.

I knock on the door and then I walk inside. This time Layla is standing in front of the clothes and it seems like she is hiding her face.

LAYLA

I know that I have to answer Jason but for some reason, everything in me does not want to answer him. I want to stand up and run away. I have realized a very long time ago that it is the best thing to do. Run away from danger and do not face it.

So, I try to answer in the best way that I can but I make sure to stand up as if I am ready to leave.

"Yes, we are just as tired. I got to go. Good luck out there"

Then I start to walk towards the door and I hear him say.

"I got to go too"

Suddenly my nervousness turns into being afraid. I can hear his footsteps as he moves closer to me and I know that he wants to walk with me. I have no way desire for him to follow me but there is only one way out of the kitchen.

As I reach for the door handle I feel him touching my hand that is now on the handle.

"Let me get that for you"

I give him a slight and nervous smile and then I say.

"Thank you"

I quickly pull my hand back to my side and then start to walk. I walk as fast as I can and I hope to see my door faster than what I expect but then I hear him laugh as he struggles to stay next to me.

"You are a fast walker"

I only slightly laugh because I am afraid of what I might say and how my voice might sound. I can feel my heart in my chest as it is racing against the speed of light. Finally, I see my door and then I stop just before it. I turn to him and say.

"Well, good luck out there. I got to run"

I do not give him a chance to react as I quickly try to hide in my room. I stand against the door as I close it behind me listening to whether he is walking away. I do not hear a footstep and then, after a little while, I think I hear him walk away.

I take a deep breath trying to release the fear that has taken its place in my heart. All the memories about my past relationship come flooding back to me. I feel a tear falling down my cheek and I realized that being so exhausted as I am, that every emotion is amplified.

I straighten my clothes and wipe away my tears as if this will help me not to feel the way that I do. I have to tell myself that this is in the past and that not all men are like that. I have to remember how I swore to myself that I would not find myself in a situation like that again.

I walk over to the clothes and it is as if I find comfort in the scent of Jake's close. Somehow he is making me feel safe just by knowing that he was here. The thought of safety somehow brings me to tears.

I prepare his outfits and struggle to keep my tears away. It is as if I can not stop from crying as a new memory of my past runs through my thoughts. Every time I would wipe away my tears and then another memory will follow.

Then I hear a knock on the door and it opens. I am too afraid to look at who just walked through the door but I know I have to face it. I make sure to wipe away any tears and as I turn I see Jake with a concerned look on his face.

"What is wrong? Are you okay?"