Chapter 142
The words hit me like a blow to the chest.
Rowan was on his feet in an instant. "What do you mean gone?" His voice was dangerously low, the kind that promised violence.
"Ambushed," the guard coughed, blood staining his lips. "We didn't even see them coming. It was like planned.”
No. This wasn't supposed to happen.
It wasn't how things were meant to have gone. How could this have happened?
Rowan crossed the room in three strides, grabbing the guard by his tunic. "Did he betray us? Did he say anything about the Queen?" he demanded, voice like steel.
The guard shook his head weakly. "No, Alpha. He fought. He saved me — told me to get back to you."
I exhaled shakily. He didn't betray us. He was taken.
Rowan let the guard go, his fists curling at his sides.
"We'll find him," I said quietly. "We have to."
Rowan didn't respond. He stormed out, barking orders to his men.
\-———-
That night, I couldn't sleep.
The wind howled outside, rattling the windows. The castle felt too big, too empty. I stared at the ceiling, feeling like a ghost in my own life.
I didn't hear Rowan come in until the bed dipped beside me.
"You're awake." His voice was softer now, worn down by the day.
I turned on my side to face him. His hair was a mess, his face drawn. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.
"Of course I'm awake," I murmured. "What will happen now that the plan didn't work?"
Rowan didn't answer right away. He reached out, his hand finding mine under the blankets. His thumb brushed over my knuckles slowly, like he was grounding himself in the touch.
"I don’t know," he admitted after a moment. "Lucian isn’t loyal to me. There’s no telling what would happen. I should have killed him when I had the chance to."
My throat tightened.
"I couldn't let you kill him," I said softly. "No matter what he's done, even though I don't remember anything. It's not right."
Rowan's eyes burned into mine. "Even without your memories, you're still the same Ariadne. I wish you could remember at least half of your memories, so you can know how horrible he has been to you. And how he wouldn't extend the same courtesy to you."
"I know," I whispered. "I know he has done some bad things. But he is also the only one who knows about what I truly am. And he hasn't exposed me. That says something doesn't it?"
Silence stretched between us, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was heavy, full of things neither of us knew how to say.
Rowan moved closer, his forehead pressing against mine. His breath was warm against my lips.
"I thought I lost you," he murmured. "Every day you were gone, I felt like I was losing pieces of myself. And now you're back, but you don't remember us — and I don't know how to fix it. This is torture."
His voice broke on the last word.
I closed the distance between us, kissing him softly. He froze for half a second, like he wasn't sure this was real — and then his hand was in my hair, pulling me closer like he couldn't get enough.
The kiss wasn't gentle. It was desperate, raw, filled with all the things we were too afraid to say. I felt the weight of his fear, his love, his anger.
And I gave him mine in return.
When we finally pulled apart, I was breathless.
"I might not remember everything," I said, voice trembling. "But I know I love you. I know that."
His eyes darkened, something fierce and possessive flickering behind them. "You're mine, Ariadne. Memory or not. You're mine."
I swallowed hard, my heart racing. "Always."
\-——————-
The knock on the door came too soon.
One of Rowan's commanders stood there, his face grim. He held a letter in his hand, sealed with Braam's crest.
"We have the prince," he read aloud. "If you truly want a truce, surrender the Queen and our army will retreat."
My stomach dropped.
Rowan's expression turned to stone. His voice was low, deadly. "They're not getting her."
I stepped forward, heart pounding. "Rowan —"
"No." He didn't even let me finish.
"I have to go," I said firmly. "They want me. Not you. If I go willingly, I can buy you time to find a way to end this war."
His eyes burned into mine, his jaw clenched tight. "Absolutely not."
I took his hand, squeezing it. "I'm not asking for permission. I'm telling you what I'm going to do."
His voice was rough, broken. "No. I don't care if I have to go to war..." He paused, his voice dropping lower. "I don't care if my men will die. I'll rather go to war than surrender you to this assholes."
I stared at him, my heart aching. "You can't possibly think of going to war with them Rowan!"
I exclaimed and Rowan shrugged.
"War is what they want. That's what they'll get."
He said as he took the letter to the fireplace and burned it.
............
The castle felt colder than usual. Maybe it was the tension thick in the air, or maybe it was the war drums echoing from the barracks below. Either way, it made my skin prickle.
Rowan hadn't come to bed last night. He'd stayed in the war room, pouring over maps and battle plans. He didn't have to tell me what he'd decided — I already knew.
The war had begun.
I hated that I was useless, that I couldn’t do much to help. I wish I could help in a way. Rowan told me I worked for Braam for months as a spy, the knowledge I had of them could have been useful.
The memories were still out of reach, flickering in the back of my mind like shadows behind a curtain. Every time I tried to grab them, they slipped away.
I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom, the silk canopy feeling too luxurious for a queen who didn't remember her own past.
A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.
"Come in," I called softly.
The physician stepped inside, his face as grim as ever. His robes hung loosely off his thin frame, and the bags under his eyes told me he hadn't slept much either.
"Your Majesty," he greeted, bowing his head. "How are you feeling today?"
"Useless," I admitted, sitting up. "The war's started, and I'm hiding like a coward. I should be doing something. Anything. I’m not much use anywhere. On the battlefield or in the war room.”
The physician sighed. "You're not hiding. You're alive — which is more than Braam should know. And you're carrying the Alpha king's heir. That's more than enough. You need all your rest as you prepare for the baby’s arrival.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. He meant well. But I didn't feel like enough. Not even close.
"I still can't remember," I said quietly. "It's been weeks. Why can't I remember?
The physician hesitated. "Memory is a complicated thing, Your Majesty. It's possible the trauma of what happened is blocking it. The mind protects itself in strange ways."
I shook my head, frustration bubbling in my chest. "I don't care about the 'why' anymore. I just want it back. Is there anything — anything — you can do to help me remember? I can’t continue like this. I desperately need to remember.”
He didn't answer right away. His eyes flicked to the door, like he was making sure we were alone.
"There is... one thing," he said slowly. "But it's dangerous."
I sat up straighter. "Tell me."