Chapter22 ~ Begum and Sultan longing for each other

Sultan POV
I came out of Zeenat's Chamber. I didn't know why my heart was beating so fast and I was feeling angry and frightened at the same time. I didn't know what Badi Ammi was going to ask for but somehow I was sure that I had to give her that. I didn't know how to deal with her.
I went to the courtroom to go through some proceedings and my almost whole day passed in it. Although I was physically present there but my whole concentration was fixed on My love, Zeenat, Badi Ammi and there was one more person Gulaab.
I didn't know why her face were coming into my vision again and again. I was feeling as if she was taking over my thought process. While talking to the wander of our court, I remembered the last week that I spent with her.
I really get the chance to talk to her. She was bold and sensitive at the same time. She became impossible at some times and the best I understood about her was that if I talk to her calmly and try to make her understand, she would understand.
The courtroom meetings finished by the end of the day and I retired to my chamber. I was quite tired and depressed. Zeenat lost his husband, I didn't know what was happening to me. I was losing hope in everything. I didn't know where life was taking me to. I lost my love, I lost my parent, I lost my brother and now it was being very hard to keep myself alive.
I knew life was important and now when I was seeing myself getting ruined in the family politics. I didn't know what to do. My life was somehow a thence give by Badi Ammi and it was her right to take it back.
I entered my chamber and locked myself alone. It was almost evening and I wanted to spend some time alone. I was missing my love so much. I really wish if she was here and by that time we could also have a child.
I removed my overcoat and threw it over the couch. No one lightened my Chamber till now, So I lit a lantern and a few candles first. I Looked around and my chamber felt so silent. I remember that a few days ago someone was staying here with me.
The flashes of our wedding night came into my vision looking at the bed and I chuckled. I remembered how she tried to dominate me that night. She was beautiful no doubt but somehow I didn't want to hurt her with me. I had become an emotionless person now or precisely my emotions were killed at a very subtle age.
I looked at the couch and sat there removing my kurta. I looked at the metallic jar placed on the table and then at the glass. I didn't know why I was feeling the urge today to get a little high and forget everything.
I was upset, I really was. On the one hand, I couldn't see Zeenat crying for her husband like that and on the other, I couldn't stop myself from getting attracted to Gulaab. I didn't know what life wants from me.
In those seven years, I never felt attracted to any woman. I never thought that my heart would feel racing seeing any woman other than her. But it was now. It started beating for someone else. My brain was getting to her.
I didn't think twice before filling the glass with alcohol as my heart was losing control over my brain. And it was not permitted. I always promised myself that I would never see any woman if I didn't get her. But I didn't know what was happening to me now.
I drunk that glass in one go and that liquid caused a slight irritation in my throat. I ran the fingers through my hairs as I was feeling very low. I filled the glass again and it somehow started working. I lied my head slightly on the edge of the couch and looked at the roof.
I didn't know what was going to happen. Badi Ammi could ask for anything and she had the right too. His son lost his life in saving mine. And, she was the first wife of my father. She was still the Malika-e-Arab as my father assigned her that. She used to be the most gorgeous woman in our Sultanate. She still was but now has become slightly devilish.
I didn't know until how long I would be able to continue my father's legacy. She was after everyone. I knew she killed my love and now I was worried about Gulaab. I was worried as she would kill her too that I didn't want to. I couldn't take any risk until Zeenat's baby grow old. I didn't want her to ask anything stupid. She holds that letter.
I drunk another few glasses of alcohol and I started feeling slightly high. Although it didn't work that well on me. Looking at the bed, looking at the whole chamber I was frequently remembering Gulaab. Her big doe eyes look at me without fear. Her eyes always talk more than she could. I didn't know why the picture of her smiling face was coming into my vision again and again.
And there was one more thing that started controlling my heartbeats more frequently now. Her long, wavy, and heavy hairs. Whenever she turns, her thick hair dances on her hip. The curls near her cheeks tickle beautifully whenever she blush. And that black mole on her back. I didn't know I was attracted to her badly. My brain, heart, and body started wanting her now. She was the fragile and small frame.
I remember when I saw her first. I didn't know and expect that she was that much beautiful. Her features, skin, and sour tongue are so breathtaking. I didn't know why I was missing her. I knew my limits, I couldn't risk her life. If anyhow she would get pregnant. I wouldn't be able to save her from Badi Ammi. Moreover, I needed to win the Hind.
I gulped more alcohol until I finished it. The sun might have set behind the mountains as the chamber started to become dark now. The jug became empty and I lied back on the couch all alone. My life was moving like in pictures in front of my eyes. I wasn't able to forget anything.
But, now I was feeling as if I was standing on that track where my life was going to somewhere else. The moment she entered my life, everything changed. I thought I won't be meeting her at all. I would add her in my harem as another lady but she was different. Sometimes, I felt that she was bold and dominating but then other times she seems broken and incomplete. I felt as if she lost someone as if she had some kind of hurt buried inside her.
And those marks she had on her body were something like she felt unbearable pain. As if she went through something. She was definitely a delicate flower or more precisely a beautiful rose but she had thorns too. I still didn't know her and I didn't know why I was thinking about her so much.
I didn't know but I wasn't able to forget her even for a moment. Her pictures were glued to my brain. I was feeling pain in my heart as I wasn't able to accept her and I wasn't able to ignore her either. And by the time I understood that I wasn't able to suppress my feelings for her. It was very difficult to control myself with her.
I spent time alone thinking just about her there. My eyes became watery as I was missing a lot of things. It was almost night and my room was dark only a few lamps lighting. I went to another couch where one more jar of alcohol was placed.
I took and filled the glass once again. I had to overcome this. I had to control myself. I couldn't love her. I couldn't sleep with her.
Suddenly my attention caught by a strong door knock.
I ignore it as I didn't want to see anyone but I heard it again. I stood up from the couch and walked slowly to the door.
I pulled the hard iron lock of the door and it created a sound that echoed in the chamber. I opened that huge door a little and my sight fell on her.
She looked at me and her face changed to shock and nervousness slightly.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Umm, I was feeling scared alone there. Can I come in?" She asked.
"No," I said and she thinned her eyebrows.
She couldn't believe it and I couldn't believe what she did next.
She came closer and stepped inside the Chamber forcing me a little away. I was standing there holding the door and she signaled me to move a little away to let her in.
I move a little closer to her and looked at her blushing face. Her sight was frequently noticing my bare chest. I took a few steps closer to her as she was standing against the door. My hand was resting in the door and I locked the door again looking into her eyes.
"You shouldn't have come here" I muttered slowly closer to her lips.
She lowered her gaze instantly and placed her palm on my shoulder to move me away and walked a little.
"Your stepmother is scary," She said standing opposite to me, facing the other direction.
I unknowingly walked closer to her and remembered her black mole.
It was dark in the whole chamber but there was slight light that was falling on her. I stood behind her and pulled the dupatta down from her head. My sight fell on her huge bun and exposed back. She was looking really beautiful today.
My hand knowingly moved forward to feather her back with the backside of my hand. It felt as if a feeling ran through me and she shivered.
She turned to look at me. Her eyes looking at me with questions but soft.
I moved closer to her and lowered my gaze to her waist. I snaked her small waist and pulled her closer slowly.
She placed her hand on my chest slightly and I looked into her for any objection.
"Aren't you scared of me?" I asked and looked into her eyes.
she started blushing and shook her head in a 'no'.
"What do you want?" I asked slowly and take a few steps forward making her move backward.
"Only answers to some questions," She said softly.
"Don't you know it could be dangerous coming here at night?" I asked pinning her to the wall.
She breathed deeply and my heart raced madly.
"I didn't know you were drinking." She said looking at my lips.
"Drinking makes me dangerous?" I asked.
She shook her head and looking at my neck said. "No, but your naked body affects me"
A small smile appeared on my face as she wasn't lying. I could see blush and scariness on her face.
"What do you want to know?" I asked.
She cleared her throat a little and my sight fell on her nosering. She was just wearing her nosering, headpiece, and earrings. Her small neck was bare and it was attracting me.
"Have you ever touched anyone other than your love?" She asked and I smiled a little.
I could feel a slight smell of jealousy in her and it made me high on hormones instantly.
I turned her suddenly and did something that made her gasp in fear.