Chapter33 ~ A huge mistake

Sultan POV
I woke up when I heard a noise of cries.
I tried to open my eyes as it was denying to see the light.
Everything was looking slightly blur and I adjusted my sight to look clearly.
I again realized that someone was crying.
My sight fell on Begum sitting beside me holding her hand and I quickly asked her.
"You here?"
The much I remember I was alone in the chamber.
I tried to remember and realized that my head was bursting with pain. How much I drunk?
"Ohh, My head. It's bursting"
I cried in pain and shook my head to listen to her first.
"Begum, What happened?" I asked but she didn't stop crying and I could see that something happened to her by her face.
She looked at me and then cried even more.
Yaa allah... Rehm kar humpe.
"Why are you crying?" I asked again shifting a little closer to her.
Slightly, I could feel that I did something. And I didn't want to know that she slept here with me last night.
My sight noticed her from face to her body that she was trying to hide in the comforter. Her clothes didn't seem to be in place and I couldn't see many bangles in her hand. Her necklace wasn't there too.
I quickly raked my eyes in the chamber and then on the bed.
My eyes came out of the socket as I saw a few bloodstains on the bedsheet.
"What the hell?" I screamed and quickly threw the comforter away only to how much harm was done by me.
I quickly moved closer to her as she was still crying. I could see the tears flowing from her eyes and I scared to death.
How could I do it?
"Hey, Hey... I am sorry," I tried to say and she thinned her eyebrows slightly.
"Begum, Look at me?"
I asked her politely.
"Did I hurt you a lot?"
I asked her collecting all my courage.
Please, please, please say 'No'
My heartbeats stopped as she nodded her head.
I couldn't feel my blood flowing in the body.
"Oh, My God!" I muttered.
"Begum, I am sorry. I was drinking last night and don't remember anything" I said in a breath and she looked at me with hurt and pain.
I didn't know how to kill myself. How could I do it? I wanted god to kill me right that moment.
Suddenly, my sight fell on a few broken pieces of her bangles, and my mind to the deadly thought.
"Did I force myself on you?"
Please, say 'No'
But, she nodded and I felt goosebumps on my hands. It was like I heard something that I never thought of and heard of.
I didn't know what to do now?
"Stop crying, please! I am sorry" I begged her meaning each word of mine and she washed her tears.
She lowered her gaze and moved the comforter a little away to pull the shoulder of her blouse up and my sight fell on her chest.
I could see a dark red mark on her skin which was half-covered with the blouse.
"What happened to you?"
I asked and forwarded my hand to pull it a little low slowly.
My sight fell on dark red marks on her bosom and my world shattered that moment.
My eyes came out of the socket and a feeling of regret and guilt filled in every inch of me.
"Ohh My God!,"
I muttered and the rug swept through my feet.
I didn't know from where should I start apologizing to her.
"I don't know how it happened. I am so sorry. Please... please... I don't even know how it happened."
I tried to say but nothing meaningful was coming out of my mouth.
It was like I came to know that how monstrous I was. How could I touch such a fragile body like that?
I didn't even know how much pain she felt last night.
Did I get harsh with her? I didn't even remember anything.
My lips trembled as nothing was coming out of my mouth. I didn't know how much she cried last night.
I looked at her chest once again and immense guilt filled me to the core.
She fixed her blouse and trying to tie the strings of her blouse lowering her gaze.
"Begum, I didn't know how it happened. I have never even dared to look at any woman doing this is out of my reign. I don't even remember anything."
My tone becoming sadistic as I continued without looking at her. I was feeling ashamed.
Suddenly, she moved a little to turned away from me. She showed me her back moving the hair aside and asked me slowly.
"Sultan, Tie these."
I lifted my gaze to look at her back.
I looked at the open strings and I didn't how harshly I touched her last night. Her soft and fragile skin didn't deserve it at all.
I moved my hands obeying her without anticipation and I felt they are trembling even to touch her.
My fingers were shivering to touch them and I said.
"Begum, Did you cried last night?"
There was complete silence for some moments and then she replied.
"Very much! I never thought that you would do this to anyone,"
Her words broke something in me and I just couldn't look at her.
I silently tied all the strings of her blouse.
'I thought you respect women, but"
She said something with a slow voice and then stopped.
I didn't know what I am doing now.
"Begum, I am really sorry. I have done a major crime. The one who didn't even dare to see any woman did this to his wife. I am not even made for hell"
I said without looking at him and she turned back looking at me.
"I thought, you have started liking me. But you-"
She was about to say something and I lifted my gaze to look at her.
She stood up from the bed and adjusted her clothes to leave and I called her slowly.
"Gulaab,"
My heart crying with pain and I was trying hard to not break in front of her.
She stopped and looked at me.
I stood up from the bed and walked lowering my gaze to her.
I sat on my knees and looked at the floor while saying.
I just couldn't see her in pain.
"Gulaab, I don't know what I did to you yesternight. But, I never wanted this. I was just upset with you being with Ibrahim. And came to the chamber to have some alcohol. I only remember that I was drinking and you came to meet me. I never thought that I would do such shameful things with you. You are my wife. I even think ten times before even touching any woman and I did all that with my own wife. I don't even know how much pain I gave you last night. But, all I want to say is I really started liking you... And whatever punishment you deem fit. You can give and even the death"
I said in a breath and lifted my gaze to look at her hand.
With trembling fingers, I touched her hand and placed a kiss on her hand asking for forgiveness. I closed my eyes and begged.
"Please forgive me for God's sake. I will never be able to forgive myself. Never be able to meet my eyes with you."
I said and she pulled her hand back.
"I am leaving. You should rest" She left me alone and I didn't know what would I do now.
I was filled with immense guilt and pain.
I tried to stand up and my sight fell all around the chamber again.
The bed was all messed up and I walked closer to it.
My sight fell on the broken pieces of bangles and those bloodstains. I didn't know how brutally I did it to her. I didn't remember anything.
The slight memories were me throwing her over the bed and sucking on her buds. I couldn't remember anything else.
I felt goosebumps on my skin when I remember those marks on her chest.
Oh my god!!!
I closed my eyes and a tear slipped my eyes. I never thought I would be hurting her like that. I never thought that I would give such a harsh memory to her.
Knowing how bad it feels to getting forced shook me to the core.
I quickly turned on my heels and walked towards her chamber. I need her to forgive me otherwise I would die.
My steps were quick when I was walking towards her chamber.
I entered her chamber in hurry and she turned to look at me.
She was holding her clothes in her hand and then my sight fell Nagma who was looking at me with big eyes.
"Begum, Please..." I begged to ignore her and walked after her.
But, she ignores me and was moving towards somewhere.
I was following her while she wasn't even giving me any glare and I begged again.
"Begum, Please... I am sorry. I don't even remember anything. Please, please listen to me."
I didn't know what was happening to me. I was feeling as if I have done something that was unforgivable. How could I do that? Even the thought of touching her was shaking me to the core.
Suddenly, we reached the hammam and she closed the door on my face with a loud thud.
"Begum..." I called.
"Listen to me... Please forgive me. I don't know... Please for the god sake talk to me"
I begged for real and I could feel my knees becoming weak.
I touched my forehead against the wooden door hoping for a reply.
But, she was not talking to me, Neither she was complaining. I could see her killing me but this behavior of her was more painful. I didn't know that all those drinks would shatter my world like this.
"Begum, please let me in"
I begged her once again and then my gaze diverted to the situation and place I was standing.
I was half-naked standing on her Hammam door and I raked my eyes round.
A few of the attendees standing a little far from me and watching me.
Their eyes coming out of the socket and I screamed.
"GO AWAY!!!"