Chapter Sixteen: Xander

Chapter Sixteen
__________________________

Xander



Jenny didn't say it, but I could see she was struggling. I didn't know if it was her miscarriage or her rape that was messing with her, but her spirit seemed....broken. She barely smiled, and she stopped joking around. I stopped seeing her unless I went to Liam's house.

I wanted to help her, but I just didn't know what to do. Months had passed, and she was pulling away. I could feel it. We hadn't had sex since that night, and I was fine with that. I was not going to push it. I knew she needed time to heal, even if she didn't realize it. When she was ready, I knew she would let me know.

I needed some advice, bad. I needed to know how to help her, so I went to the only two people I felt like I could. Travis 'Trip' Murphy and his wife, Danica Murphy. Travis was my VP, and Danica was the only woman he had ever loved. He'd been in love with her since they were kids.

Danica had just given birth to their daughter, Azalea, so I had given Travis some time to be at home with his family.

I drove up to their house and gently knocked on the front door. It took a few minutes, but the door opened, and I was greeted by Danica's mom, Denise Malenkov. Word was that she and Danica's dad got divorced a while back, so she went back to her maiden name. She was a sweetheart, much like Danica.

"Xander!" She gave me a hug. I knew she was a bit sweet on me, but I didn't mind.

"Hey, Denise. How's Azalea?" She grinned big as she led me inside.

"She's an angel. Are you here to see Travis?" she asked. Denise was completely clueless about the club. She didn't even know Travis wasn't some biker bar owner. They were able to hide his true occupation very well.

"Yeah, how are they?"

"Great. Dani is really drained. I'm here to help with the baby, but you know my daughter. She's as stubborn as a mule. She wants to spend all of her time with her daughter instead of resting." I nodded, as Danica and Travis walked in. Danica was glowing, holding her tiny bundle in her arms. She looked so fucking happy.

For a fraction of a second, while looking at Danica, I saw Jenny standing there holding a baby in her arms looking so deliriously happy. Fuck. That was going to keep screwing with my head.

Jenny had been pregnant with my kid. Just Fuck. Shit-fuck. She lost the kid, and she fucking wanted to have my kid. I still couldn't wrap my head around that. Why the Fuck would Jenny want to have a kid with an old fucker like me? I'm forty-six for fuck’s sake. Sure, Jenny was only twenty-eight, but she shouldn't want to have a kid with me.

Yet she did. Did she just love me that much?

"Xander, hey!" Danica walked over and gave me a one-armed hug. I could see Travis seemed a bit uneasy, and I frowned. Ever since he found out that Danica and I fucked one time over a decade ago, he's had an issue with us being close, like he thought I might try to steal her. I wouldn't do that shit to him, and I doubted Danica would let me even if I wanted to. I didn't though. Danica wasn't my type which sounds strange when you think about it.

"Hey, guys. Have you been recovering okay?" I asked Danica, as she pulled away, and she nodded.

"She's pretty needy, but she's such a sweetheart. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. You never really know how you'll feel about having such a tiny bundle depending on you until it happens. I just can't put her down." Her statement lodged a block in my throat, making my heart race. Was that how it would be if Jenny ended up pregnant again? Would my issues not even matter? "How's Jenny?" Danica asked, and I frowned.

"I actually wanted to talk to you guys about that." Danica and Travis looked to Denise. It was a simple signal. 'This is a private issue.' It was simple, and she got it.

"I'll take Azalea so you can relax. We'll just be in the next room," Denise offered, and Danica hesitated.

"Darling, it's okay." Travis stroked her back affectionately and she conceded. She eased her daughter into her mother's arms. Denise disappeared into the living room, and the three of us took a seat at the table. I watched as Danica slipped into Travis's lap, and his arms wrapped around her waist.

I had to sigh. That used to be me and Jenny until she was abducted by her twisted uncle.

"She hasn't gotten any better?" Danica asked, and I shrugged.

"No, she hasn't. She's been drawing into herself, and she barely talks. I don't know what to do." Travis nodded with a frown on his face.

"Damn," he muttered.

"Xander, you don't get it. It's hard when you've been through what she went through. It's hard to deal with and even harder to talk about it. You end up thinking it was something you did or said that caused it, especially if you don't open up about it. You can feel guilty and, if Jenny feels that way, she would be understandably pulling away from you. The guilt, if you're in a relationship, can make you feel in a sense like you cheated on that person." That made a lot of sense. She did expect me to be upset with her that day in the hospital.

"I don't know what to do to help her," I said defeated, and Danica placed her hand on top of mine, understanding radiating from her.

"Xander, you can't help her. She has to help herself. The only thing you can do to ease her mind is to make sure she knows that it doesn't matter what happened to her. You still love her, and you don't think any less of her. She's still the same woman, and she needs to see that you believe that." I was grateful for that advice.

"But I'm not so sure it's what those guys did to her that's making her pull away." Danica looked at me confused. It was then that I knew that Travis never told Danica what everyone in the club had found out that night. She had to stay behind because we didn't want to risk her getting hurt with her being pregnant. "Jenny was pregnant," I admitted, and Danica gasped.

"You-you mean when she-she was taken?" I slowly nodded.

"They beat her until it died. Crack used that to break her mentally." Danica's eyes started to tear up, probably imagining how she would've felt if she lost Azalea when she was pregnant.

"Oh, my god." Danica slowly shook her head before speaking again. "All you can do is be there for her and listen to whatever she wants to talk about concerning it. You can't take away her pain. You can help ease it when it gets unbearable. She needs a partner, not someone telling her how she should feel or act. She needs support that only you can provide."