How to heal a heart

“Bettina, can I ask you a personal question?” Mary asked as they were eating.

“Always Mary”

“How did you get over your broken heart?” Mary asked quiet, eyes cast down in her lap. Bettina watched her.

“I cried a lot in the beginning. And I mean a lot. I was convinced my life was over. Then my mother told me I needed to do something to get my mind of it. She told me I could pick anything, and she would support me and help me as best she could” Bettina smiled at the memory.

“I hated her for forcing me out of my bedroom. I hated the idea of not being miserable every day. So, I choose to do the one thing I knew that I would fail at. To prove to her that my life was a constant pain. I started as an herbalist apprentice. To my surprise I actually loved it.” Bettina continued.

“When I started to realise that I wanted to actually succeed with what I was doing, the hurt and sorrow slowly faded away the less I thought about it. Until one day I saw him on the town, and I realised I didn’t want to run home and cry. I was a bit sad, but not devastated. Did someone break your heart, Mary?” she asked softly.

Mary took a deep breath, she could feel how close she was to letting the tears fall. Not trusting her voice, she just nodded, still looking down in her lap.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it?”

Mary thought about it, she wanted to tell Bettina everything. It had felt good to tell Tariana her story. But what could Bettina do? What could anyone do? So, she shrugged.

“I don’t know what good it will do to talk about it” she said honestly.

“I can’t undo what they did, and I can’t make anyone love you. But sometimes you feel better just talking about things that makes you sad” Bettina told her.

“Ok”

“Let’s go sit in on the bench in the garden, it’s nice enough weather to be able to sit out there” Bettina said, taking Mary’s hand and guided her into the gardens.

“Now, can you look at me and tell me what happened?” Bettina asked Mary, keeping her voice as soft as she could.

Mary took a deep breath, when she looked up at Bettina, she could feel her tears slowly start to fall. Not in the way they had done when she had told Tariana. They just slowly trickled down her cheeks as she told Bettina everything about Zerden. The good and the bad.

---

Bettina listed to Mary’s story and her heart broke for the young woman sitting in front of her. She hadn’t had an easy life, and to add the heartache on top of everything else.

Bettina was so happy and proud that Kopa had taken Mary from that place so that she could be part of their family. Bettina wowed that she would protect Mary from any further pain.

It also explained to Bettina why Mary didn’t see all the admiring looks she was getting from men. In Mary’s mind no one wanted her.

Once Mary had told her everything, Bettina drew her into a long hug. Bettina just wanted Mary to feel safe and loved. She had a feeling that Mary hadn’t gotten many hugs after her parents had died. Bettina was a believer in the healing power of a good hug. So she squeezed Mary long and hard.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I wish that hadn’t happened to you. I wish I could give that boy a piece of my mind. But I’m happy that you are here, and I will do everything I can to help you heal. I know that things don’t seem that way now, but you are young and have a life of opportunity ahead of you.” she comforted Mary.

“You don’t have to look at a men for now, until your heart is mended. That would at least make Kopa happy” she added and both she and Mary snorted.

“I’m not going to look at men ever again” Mary told her.

Bettina looked down on the determined face of Mary, still engulfed in a hug.

“Why do you say that?” she asked Mary.

“I’m broken, even if they don’t hurt me, I will hurt them” Mary said, and Bettina could see that she really believed what she said.

“Why would you hurt anyone? Mary, I know you. You are the sweetest and most caring young woman I think I have ever meet”

Mary looked away, sighed and started telling Bettina about Erik. Bettina listened and swore internally about how unfair life had been to Mary.

“Mary, you can’t put that on yourself” she told her when Mary had finished. “You did the right thing turning him down. You can’t marry someone just to make them happy, you need to love them as well”

“I know, but I should have noticed how he felt sooner. I should have made him stop coming to see me. That way he wouldn’t have been hurt. I did to him what Zerden did to me” Mary sniffed.

“He would have been hurt regardless of when you told him that you weren’t interested” Bettina tried to tell her. “You never made Erik do anything, it was he who asked to go with you, to spend time with him. If he had said he didn’t want to come to church with you, would you have insisted?”

“Of course not” Mary said.

“There you go. Maybe you should have realised that he had feeling for you, but you have a blind spot for things like that it seems” Bettina comforted.

---

They ended up sitting out in the garden for hours. Once Mary had calmed down a bit and Bettina had released her from the hug they had moved on to other subjects. Mary was grateful for Bettina’s hug. It had made her feel better in so many ways.

Bettina sat explaining to Mary the outlay of the garden and why the different herbs were grown as they were. What herbs you grow together and what herbs you needed to keep separate. Mary loved it and listened attentively.

After a while Mary offered to go inside to get some tea. After that they sat talking about the visit they had had in the morning. Bettina talked about what a consultation usually looked like and then they came to the subject of Bettina being a midwife.

Bettina asked Mary the same question that Tariana had asked, did she know how babies were made? Mary gave the same answer and Bettina decided she needed to know the whole truth. Bettina told Mary everything and Mary was shocked about how little she actually knew.

It was an enlightening afternoon to say the least. They didn’t stop talking until they realised it was time to start dinner. And then they continued talking while cooking. Mary found she had many questions about babies, sex and everything around it. Bettina answered them as best as she could.