Leap of faith

Mary stood staring for a while at the beautiful sight. Then she started looking around and saw two towels of hard linen and on top of them a bar of soap. It wasn’t the soap she had gotten used to since coming to Salamis, the kind that made your skin feel soft and buttery. No, this was the kind she had used in the castle, the kind that left your skin feeling raw.

In a pile next to the towels were her new clothes. It was a linen dress. It was rough and plain and made of unbleached linen. There was a blindfold in the same material, but no shoes.

There was also a carafe with water and more bread. Mary nodded and stripped down and folded her old dress neatly before taking the soap and a towel and trotted over to the water. She dipped her foot in and expected it to be cold.

But to her surprise, it was warm. She smiled and put the towel and soap down and carefully walked out into the water. At its deepest spot, she could stand on tiptoe and keep her chin above water.

She swam around for a while, enjoying the feeling of the warm water against her skin. Then she returned to get the soap and swam to one of the rocks that was protruding out of the water. It was flat and large enough to comfortably sit on. Mary sat there and washed herself.

That couldn’t have taken even an hour, she thought, and slipped into the water again. The voice had said she should take the time to reflect on her old life. She flipped around in the water and floated on her back.

She thought back to her childhood. Mary smiled as she remembered all her friends that she used to play with in the alleys between their houses. She remembered Erik, how she had worshiped him as someone who was invincible, strong, and brave.

She remembered her birth parents. Their faces were blurry, but she remembered the feeling of being around them. How happy she had been and how free of worries her younger self had lived.

She thought about her parent’s death and for the first time in many years she allowed herself to cry over her loss. Mary thought about how she had met the Lady and Kopa. She remembered the feeling of being safe as soon as Kopa was close to her.

She remembered her first months in the kitchen, the confusion and loneliness. The fear of not being good enough. She remembered meeting Zerden and the beginning of their friendship. It had meant so much to her. It had let her meet Anna.

She thought back to seeing Kopa and the Lady again all those years later. The fear of her having disappointed them, that now made her smile. Of her decision to leave. She lingered on each of her goodbyes. On her first, and so far, only kiss.

As she flipped around and swam back to where she left her towel, she remembered the shy and scared girl that had come to Salmis.

She got out of the water and got the bread, and poured some water into a mug. Mary took her meal over to the water’s edge. She sat on the towel and continued to think.

What if her parents hadn’t died? She would have grown up in the artisan quarters and known nothing outside of that world. She would probably have married Erik. Mary supposed she would have been happy. She wouldn’t have known anything else, and Erik was a good man.

But the person Mary was now, she almost felt panicked at the idea. She wouldn’t have found out about magic. Mary wouldn’t have gotten to see all the amazing things she had seen and learned. She wouldn’t have met Kopa or Tenac. The pain of that was almost physical.

Her thoughts drifted to Tenac. He was her best friend. He meant more to her than both Eric and Zerden ever had. And she loved him.

But she also knew she would never act on those feelings. Tenac had never shown any interest like that in her. She wouldn’t put him in the same spot that Eric had put her. She was happy to just have him in her life. If he one day found someone he loved, it would be hard. But she would be happy for him. Because he deserved to be happy.

She thought about her parents, and she felt blessed to have them in her life. She briefly felt a little guilty about her birth parents. But the truth was that Kopa and Bettina had given her so much that her birth parents never could have.  

Mary firmly believed that Kopa and she belonged together. The two of them were connected by more than just a chance meeting. She had loved her first father, but what she shared with Kopa was beyond that. If she had to go through all the things she had gone through so that she would end up with him and Bettina, then she would go through it over and over again.

That was a realisation that made her smile. It felt like the last tethers to her old self were uncoiling and she let go. She was where she was meant to be, and she was only here because of what she had gone through. It was a comforting thought. It didn’t make things right or better. But it brought her peace to be able to let go and look forward.

Mary realised that she had been lost in her thought for a long time. She had dried and only her hair and feet were still wet. She dried her hair as best she could and started dressing in the linen dress.

As she expected, it chafed and irritated her skin, that was raw from the soap. It was also itchy, she discovered as she sat down. She had gotten spoiled by the soft fabrics that Cheara always used when making her dresses.

Time passed, but Mary had no concept of it in the cave that was void of sunlight and the only sound that was heard was the occasional drip of water and her own breathing. It was strangely calming and almost hypnotic.

There was a knock on the door. After a moment, there were two knocks on the door.

Mary got up from her spot and stood barefoot in front of the door. She tied the blindfold over her eyes, making sure it was secure. When the five knocks came, Mary was ready.

She heard the door opening and the footsteps walking into the cave. The echo made it difficult to decide how many they were. But Mary guessed it would be the same five that had led her here.

“Have you washed your old life away and are ready to be reborn into your new life?” a voice asked. The echo made it sound hollow.

“Yes,” Mary answered.

“Then follow us,” another voice told her. A hand placed Mary’s hand on a shoulder. It wasn’t the same shoulder as last time. This person was a little shorter.

They started walking, and Mary found she was once again dragging her feet along the ground. It didn’t take her long before she again trusted the people leading her and started walking more normally.

To Mary’s surprise, they didn’t go the same route back. No one asked her to bend down for the low ceiling.

“Steps going up,” someone told her.

It turned out, going upstairs was more difficult than going down them. Several times, Mary stumbled, as she hadn’t lifted her foot high enough to go over the next step. It didn’t help that the steps were uneven and worn down.

They continued to climb upwards. As they went up, the stairs and air changed. The air turned back into the familiar dryer, clearer air. The steps got smoother, more regular and easier to climb.

They continued upwards, in what Mary felt was a never-ending spiral. Surely, they must be close to the roof of the sanctum by now, she thought.

Once again, the stairs changed under her feet. She could feel plush carpet on her naked feet, the sound of them climbing upwards changed and became muffled.

“Flat floor,” a voice finally said, and Mary felt herself being led out on to a flat surface that was made of cold stone.

“Wait here,” the voice told her, and someone removed her hand from the shoulder.

Then there was silence. No other instructions were given. Mary stood and waited for what would happen next.

“Mary,” a voice said, and Mary jumped. Then she relaxed. She knew that voice. It was Tariana.

“My Lady,” Mary said.

“Mary, I’m going to take your hand and I’m going to take you into another room. There I will ask you some questions, answer them truthfully. Then I’m going to give you the final test. If you feel you can’t perform it, then you say so and we will make sure you get back safe. Do you understand?” Tariana asked.

“Yes,” Mary nodded.

“Good. Reach out your hand. Can you tell me what it is I am placing in it?” Tariana asked, and placed something in Mary’s outstretched hand.

Mary felt the coldness spread from the hard object in her hand and she wanted to drop it. She knew what it was.

“It’s kyanite,” Mary said.

“It is. Tell me what makes kyanite special, Mary?” Tariana asked.

“It binds the magic of the person who wears it,” Mary told her.

“Yes, and it’s not a pleasant thing to wear. But the next test must be taken without the comfort of magic. I have to ask you to put it on,” Tariana said, sounding remorseful.

Mary didn’t hesitate. She put the necklace in her hand around her neck and felt the coldness of it.

“Ready for the final part?” Tariana asked.

“I am,” Mary nodded.

“Take my hand and follow me,” Tariana said.

Mary did as she was asked, and she heard a door opening and when they walked through it, the surrounding sound changed again. The echo was back. But the floor was still the polished stone as in the hallway. Mary got the feeling of being in a big, empty room. Tariana guided her and Mary could hear Tariana’s footsteps echoing. Mary’s naked feet left no sound.  

“Stop there Mary,” Tariana told her.

Mary stopped.

“Slowly reach out with your foot about a foot in front of you,” Tariana told her.

Again, Mary did as Tariana asked. She carefully tapped her foot along the cool floor. Then there was no more floor. Her foot felt open air. They were standing on a ledge. Mary’s mind adjusted to the image of the room they were in. Instead of a big empty room, they were standing on the edge of a tall open space.

“Walk up to the edge, Mary. It’s okay, I won’t let you walk too far,” Tariana told her.

Mary shuffled so that her toes could feel the sharp edge into nothingness.

“Mary Teeran. You have spent three years preparing your body, mind and soul to become an aari. Do you willingly accept the responsibilities and burdens of this new life?” Tariana asked.

“I do,” Mary said.

“Will you place your life in the service of others? Will you strip away nation and family ties and with unbiased eyes, answer the calls of those who need it?” Tariana asked.

“I do.”

“Are you ready to leave the old life behind you and be reborn into your new family?” Tariana asked.

“I am.”

“There can be no rebirth without death. To show your commitment, trust and faith in your new life and your new family, fall forward into the abyss in front of you. This is your final test,” Tariana told her.

Mary’s heart raced as she heard the words. Did Tariana want her to throw herself off a cliff? But she had no magic, she would die. But then Mary realised Tariana would never ask her to do something that would harm her. Next to her parents and Tenac, Tariana was the person she trusted the most.

Mary took a deep breath and let herself fall forward. She felt the wind that rushed around her as she fell forward as she reached the point of no return. She placed herself in the hands of the unknown and trusted that the aari would keep her safe.

-------Authours note--------
Hi and thank you for reading this far.

This is the end of the second book about Mary. But don't worry, there will be a third, and final, book that will hopefully answer all questions that you have.

Thank you agina for bing a part of Mary's Journey.

Lots of love
Lina