Back to the start

“Oh, no, that’s okay” Mary said, trying to force a convincing smile.

“I’m really sorry Mary, I would have preferred our walk” he tried again, he seemed to feel the change in her demeanour.

“It really is okay Tenac, things happen” she said shrugging, but she didn’t manage to put feeling into it.

“Can we book the day after instead?” he asked.

“It sounds like you have a lot of things going. We can hold off with setting a new date until it calms down for you” Mary told him, she looked down at her hands.

“No Mary, we will set a date now. Tell me a day that works for you”

“You know that I’m not that busy, we can work around your schedule” Mary told him.

“We both know that isn’t true, you just cancel the things you are planning when I say that I’m free” Tenac told her. She shrugged again.

“It’s easier for me to cancel my things. Bettina doesn’t mind”

“That doesn’t mean that it’s right. Please look at me Mary” Tenac pleaded. Mary hesitated but then looked at him.

“Something is wrong, what is it?” he asked.

“Nothing, I’m fine” the answer came out before she had a chance to think. It was a reflex.

“No, you’re not” he insisted.

“Look Tenac. I’m fine, I’m tired and I need to help Bettina with dinner. Let’s just decide to meet up sometime next weekend, will that be okay for you?” she asked.

“I can make it next Sunday, but I’m free on Wednesday as well” he added.

“Sunday it is” Mary nodded. “Thank you for coming to let me know, I appreciate it.”

“Of course I did. What else would I do, just not show up? Do you realise what Kopa would do to me?” he tried to joke.

That’s it, he’s afraid of what Kopa will do if he won’t show up, Mary thought. That explained his eagerness to book another meeting. That made her sad and it made her feel more alone.

“It was considerate non the less” she told him as she showed him out. “Take care Tenac”

“You to Mary, I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, see you soon” she replied and closed the door.

“What did Tenac want?” Bettina asked Mary as she came into the kitchen.

“He just wanted to say that something had come up so he can’t make it tomorrow” Mary said in a monotone voice.

“I’m sorry sweetheart” Bettina said with a small smile.

“It’s okay, things happen, we arranged a new day” Mary said.

“That’s nice. He is a nice young man, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, he is” Mary agreed.

---

Bettina could feel that something was wrong with Mary. She lacked her usual joy, and she didn’t smile once as she set the table, when they had dinner, or as they were sitting in front of the fire.

What she didn’t know was why Mary was down. She had thought it was due to Tenac cancelling their day out. Bettina had noticed how much Mary enjoyed her time with Tenac. But the more Bettina thought about it, it didn’t add up.

Sure, Mary could be upset with a cancelation, but they had set a new day so there was no reason to act this depressed.

Bettina looked over at the young woman, that she now thought of as her daughter, Mary was deep in thought. She gnawed on her lower lip and starred into the fire.

Could it have been the letter that she had gotten? The more Bettina thought about it, it made more sense. What hade it said that put Mary in this mood? Should Bettina talk to Mary, should she wait a day or two or should she wait until Mary came to her to talk?

“Mary, do you want to play some Kai?” Kopa asked.

“Not to today, I’m not up to it” Mary replied, not taking her eyes of the fire.

Kopa gave Bettina a questioning look. Of course he knew that something was wrong. Mary and him almost had a psychic connection. He was as worried as Bettina.

“Are you tired dear?” Bettina asked.

“Yeah, I think I am” Mary answered.

“Why don’t I make you some honey milk that you can take up and then go to bed?” Bettina suggested.

“That sounds nice” Mary nodded.

“Wait here”

Bettina made her way into the kitchen and soon she had warmed the milk and added a dollop of honey into it. She sprinkled some cardamom on top and poured it into one of the silver mugs Mary had brought with her.
“Here you go dear. Now off to bed. Sleep tight” she told Mary as she handed her the mug.

“Thank you, Bettina. Goodnight Kopa”

“Goodnight sweetheart”

They both watched Mary climb the stairs.

“What is wrong? Did Tenac do something to her?” Kopa asked as soon as he was sure Mary wouldn’t hear him.

“No, I don’t think so. There came a letter today from Domne. She took it upstairs and stayed there for hours. When she came down, she was like this” Bettina told him, and she say his anger rise.

“I knew it was a bad idea to let her write to those people” he spat. “We should make sure there will be no more letters to her. We will take them and destroy them” he ranted.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea honey”

“Why not? Should we let them keep hurting her? What kind of parents will that make us? All the progress she has made, gone. I left this morning, and she was happy, laughing, almost the girl I first met. I get home a couple of hours later and she is like a walking dead” he was working himself up.

“I know. I’m not saying that we do nothing. I’m saying that we shouldn’t keep letters from her”

“Why?”

“What will happen if she realises that we have done that? What if one day, we can’t intercept one of the letters and she realise we have taken them away? She trusts us, but that would most certainly break all trust. That would prove to her that she can’t rely on anyone, not even us.” Bettina thought out loud and watched as Kopa turned pale.

“You are right, we can’t chance that”

“And it would be wrong. She needs to learn to deal with it, not ignore it. What happens if we sweep it under the rug and she in the future ends up meeting similar people? We need to help her handle things like this”

“You are right, again. But how do we do that?” Kopa grumbled.

“I don’t know. I think she needs to realise her own worth. That takes time. In the meantime, we will just have to be here for her and remind her. Maybe you could talk to Tariana, she might have and idea” Bettina mused.

“I will do it tomorrow. If nothing else, I will go back to that horrid place and do what I should have done in the first place” he muttered.

“Neither Mary nor I would want to be away from you for so long dear” Bettina said calmly.

---

Mary lay in bed, unable to sleep because of all the thoughts that were running in her head. She had spent the evening going through everything she had done since she arrived in Salmis. She was trying to look at her actions through Zerden’s eyes and realised that she had made so many mistakes.

There had been so many times she had acted rash or unlady like. She kept going through them, trying to think of what she should have done. Trying to condition herself not to repeat them.

She needed to reply to the letter. But she would wait a couple of days. At the moment she couldn’t face admitting her many mistakes. As she drifted of to a restless sleep, she felt like a failure, like she had let Kopa and Bettina down.