Pep talk

Mary kept thinking about the letter all Sunday. It turned out the cleaning out the large water tanks that stored rainwater on top of the sanctuary was optimal work for thinking. The work didn’t demand any thinking and was repetitive. So, Mary could let her thought wander to other things.

As Monday came around, she thought she had a good grip on her emotions and thoughts. She just didn’t know what to do with it. Mary thought she had a feeling what to do, but she was unsure if she could really do it. She remembered the advice Tariana had given her.

When she was done with breakfast and she, Firlea and Hinat were heading out to go to their first real lesson, she spotted the prospect she had used to send a note to Tenac. She asked her friends to wait for a minute and walked up to him.

“Hi” she said.

“Hi Mary,” he said with a smile.

“You remember my name?” she said, surprised.

“I do,” he confirmed.

“Then I would like to know yours,” Mary said.

“I’m Mealark,”

“Hi Mealark. I need you to find sir Teeran and let him know his daughter would like to speak to him,” she said.

“His daughter?” Mealark swallowed.

“Yes, that would be me. But please, please, make sure he knows it’s not urgent. Not at all. Say that he can take his time and come to find me when he has some time to spare,” she urged him.

“I will do that,” he nodded.

“Thank you,” Mary said and joined her friends.

Their first lesson was history. It was a repetition of what Mary had learned from Tariana, but a lot more detailed and they had just covered the first part of it. Mary liked it, but felt a little confused by all the names and dates.

As they exited the hall where they had had their lesson, Mary saw Kopa stand outside the door.

“Dad,” she smiled at him. “I said that it wasn’t urgent.” Kopa shrugged and then said hello to her friends before asking Mary what she had wanted to talk about.

“I just need some advice dad, I only have a couple of more minutes before I need to be at the roof gardens for my next lesson. Can we talk during lunch?” she asked.

“Is it about the letter?” he asked, and as she nodded, Mary could see the anger in his eyes.

“It’s not like the last time,” she said. “I just need some advice.”

“Okay, why don’t you come back home with me tonight and have dinner at home? We can talk after that, and I will take you back before the curfew?” he said.

“That sounds good,” Mary agreed.

“You are sure you can wait that long?” he asked.

“I’m sure dad, I’ll see you later,” she said, as they parted ways.

While Mary and Firlea had a lesson in gardening, Hinat had time with her mentor. They all met up for lunch and then Mary headed off for an afternoon with her mentor. Firlea was to spend the time in basic air magic and Hinat went off to find some books in the library that her mentor had asked her to read.

As Mary had finished her mentor time, she headed back to their room to prepare to go home with Kopa. He picked her up, and they headed home together. Bettina got a pleasant surprise when Mary walked through the door and dinner was as nice as always.

After dinner, Kopa and Mary offered to do the dishes. Bettina left the two of them alone and went to do other things. They did the dishes in silence, and then Mary made some tea and asked if Bettina wanted any. She turned the offer down.

“What did you need to talk about?” Kopa said, as the two of them sat down at the table.

“I read the letter you gave me,” Mary started.

“And you got upset?”

“Not like last time. I’m angry this time, more than I’m sad,” Mary admitted, which earned her a surprised look from Kopa.

“I know. Who knew?” she said, laughing at his expression.

“So, what advice do you need?”

“I think I know what I need to do, but I don’t know if I should do it, or if I really want to,” Mary told him.

“Okay, can you tell me what made you angry?” Kopa asked.

“Do you promise to stay calm?” Mary asked.

“I do”

“I won’t go into details, but the gest of it is that Zerden told me I was a disappointment for choosing to live my life the way I am. For the choices I have made since coming here,” Mary said, looking at Kopa.

He had clenched his jaw and there was a muscle tick above his right eye. But he kept his promise and stayed calm, at least on the surface. It made Mary smile.

“Are you okay, dad?”

“Fine. The letter was from that boy? I thought you were sending them to an Anna Bore?” he said.

“I am. She’s Zerden’s mother. As she can’t read or write, he does it for her. He usually adds a letter of his own at the bottom. Why do you always call him a boy? He’s the same age as Tenac and you would never call him a boy,” Mary asked.

“It has nothing to do with age, it has to do with behaviour. Some will behave like boys their entire lives, people like that don’t deserve to be called a man. Tenac may be many things, and I may not always be fond of him, but his actions and behaviour are that of a man,” Kopa explained and Mary nodded. It made sense.

“I just don’t know, dad. I love being able to tell Anna about my time here. She is so proud of me, and she wanted me to tell you and mom that she is grateful that you are taking such good care of me. She is so happy for me and cheers me on,” Mary rambled on.

“But then I always get upset by the things Zerden writes. Last time I was so upset and sad. This time I just got so mad. Why is he disappointed in me? I have never been as happy as I am right now. Why can’t he just be happy for me?” she continued.

“I have always tried to be happy for him, even when he broke my heart.” It was the first time Mary had admitted to Kopa, who had broken her heart. He just nodded and reached for her hand.

“After everything we been through, after everything he put me through. How can he be disappointed in me?” she said again.

“I just don’t want to feel this way. Did you know I didn’t read the letter when you gave it to me because I didn’t want it to ruin my day? Isn’t that telling you a lot about how the letters make me feel?” she asked rhetorically.

“I want to stop writing letters to him. What if I don’t want anymore letters from him either? I think I’m ready to let go. But if I let him go, I have to let go of Anna as well. I don’t know if I can do that to her dad. She has been so kind to me, and she is so sweet. How can I cut her out of my life because of what Zerden does?” she finally asked and looked at Kopa.

He squeezed her hand and took a deep breath as he tried to smile. The smile looked kind of crooked and didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m proud of you, Mary. Before we get into anything else, I need you to know how proud this makes me. You have seen how hurtful behaviour is disguised as friendly advice and you have decided that you don’t need that. That’s a big thing, little one, and it makes me proud,” he said, and Mary smiled at him.

“But to answer your questions. If Anna loves you and cares for you, as it sounds by your description. Then she wouldn’t want you to keep sending and receiving letters if that makes you feel bad. Sometimes we need to let people we care about go,” he said.

“Sometimes we need to do it because they need us to, sometimes we do it because we need it. If there is genuine friendship there, they will understand, even if they get sad or upset,” he tried to explain.

“When we truly care for someone, we put their wellbeing before our need to see and speak to them,” he added.

“Like when you left Domne the first time, and I didn’t go with you?” Mary asked.

“Yes, but that isn’t a good example as it turned out you had been better off coming with us,” he nodded.

“But you didn’t know that,” Mary said.

“It’s true. But I don’t want you to feel that a sacrifice like that always comes with dire consequences. Most of the time, it turns out to be the right thing to do,” Kopa said.

“I understand.”

“If you like, you can write Anna a final letter, telling her it will be your last. It will give you some closure and she won’t have to wonder why the letters have stopped coming,” he said to Mary.

That was a good idea, Mary thought. She was still sad that she would have to give up her friendship with Anna. But her father was right, Anna would understand, and Mary could focus on her new life.

“Thank you, dad. That helped a lot,” Mary said.

“I’m happy I could help,” he said, standing up. As Mary also stood, he gave her a tight hug.

“I’m grateful that I have you and mom,” Mary told him, making him smile.

“I’m grateful we have you as well, little one,” he said.

Mary went to say goodbye to Bettina before joining Kopa as he walked her back to the sanctum.

“Do you want me to take you across?” he asked as they got to the river field.

“No thanks dad, I can do it on my own. No need for you to row there and back again,” she told him as she gave him a hug goodbye.