Ch 34: The Waking Reality

Tasha.

Her name was the last thing Calder had thought before slipping into an endless, dreamless, nothingness, and it was the first as his thoughts returned.

It was like a thick blanket was being pulled from his mind. It had muffled everything, but now, he felt vulnerable and exposed.

He tried to remember what had happened before the blank emptiness, but everything was fuzzy.

Tasha.

That was the one thing he knew.

Her name brought an ache to his heart.

Why was that?

That word was the one thing that had brought him joy, had comforted him in times of despair, why now did it feel as if it and despair were synonymous with each other?

He needed to open his eyes. Once he was awake he could figure it all out.

He didn't remember falling asleep though.

In fact, his memories all seemed jumbled and confused. What had happened? He knew he had spent the night making love to her, and then he had had to leave her. But that wasn't why he felt so hopeless. He had for a time, but Errant had said they were going to speak with her. He was going to see her. That should have brought him joy.

No, there was something more.

He remembered crying. He never did that. She had been so sad and alone and it had made him feel sadder and more alone. He had wanted to comfort her. But he couldn't. He had needed a distraction.

Yes, he had gone to the training grounds. Talib was there. The distraction had worked for a time. But then...

Pain. Her pain. The pain of a demon ripping out of her. The pain of the demon beating her relentlessly, torturing her, tearing her apart. The blood, the bruises, the gashes on her soft perfect skin. She was dying, he was dying. They were going to die. The despair he felt knowing he couldn't stop it.

Tasha.

Calder's eyes flew open. "Tasha!"

"Your highness!"

He needed to get to her, to save her but his limbs wouldn’t move.

Why couldn't he move?

"Tasha!"

He struggled to lift his arms, to turn his head, but nothing worked. He was on his back staring at a stone ceiling. Everything was numb as if his mind was separate from his body.

"Please, my lord, calm down. She's here. She's alive. I need you to calm yourself."

He knew that voice. It was vaguely familiar.

"Why can't I move? What's happening?"

A woman's face came into view, a woman with bright orange-red hair flecked with gray.

"Your body is badly damaged, your majesty. We had to wake you but couldn't risk you causing more harm to yourself so we've administered a mild toxin that causes paralysis."

"What's going on? Where the fuck is she? Tasha!"

"She's right next to you son. Please, I promise you'll be able to see her soon."

The face of the King came into Cal's view. It was etched with worry and concern and exhaustion.

"Father, what's happening? Where is it? Where's the demon?"

Josnen put his hand on his son's shoulder. "It fled. Astasha is safe for now."

Calder tried to focus his thoughts, to calm his breathing. Tasha was safe for the moment. That was good. But he still needed to see her.

“Let me see her.”

His father exchanged a glance with who he recognized now as Helia, the other fire witch. But it was neither who responded.

"My Prince, I know I have given you little reason to trust me, but I ask you to do so now, for your own sake."

He knew Errant's voice and upon hearing it, he wanted to launch himself from where he lay and strangle the old man with his bare hands. If he hadn't kept them apart, he would have been with her, he could have protected her.

"Why the hell would I ever trust you again? You were supposed to keep her safe when you refused to allow me to and then you left her to the hands of a damn demon!”

He could hear a sigh come from the High Sorcerer. There was guilt behind it. "I know. I failed. I failed her just as I failed you. But please, your highness, I am trying now to set things right."

"Then let me fucking see her!" This was worse than hell. He tried with all his might to turn. If she was next to him, he might be able to get a glimpse of her if only he could shift his head just a little.

"Calder," He looked at his father again. "I truly believe it is best if you don't see her in this state. Not in the shape you yourself are in."

What did he mean, 'this state'? He had already seen her half-dead, bloodied, and broken with the demon looming over her, how much worse could it be? "I don't care what state she is in, I need to see her face. I need to see that she is breathing, and alive, no matter what the condition." He looked into his father's eyes. "Please, father."

He watched the King look up to whom he assumed was Errant, his lips forming into a thin line.

"Sit him up please Zephyr." Errant spoke.

Calder breathed a sigh of relief. His view shifted as the air sorcerer used his magic to gently lift him into a seated position, but he still couldn’t see Astasha. Instead, he faced Errant.

He had never seen the High Sorcerer look so disheveled, so, old, before. Errant pulled a seat forward and sat so he was eye to eye with Cal.

"Calder," Errant began. His tone was somber, serious and sad, something the Prince wasn’t used to hearing from him. "I need you to understand what is happening right now before I let you see her. You both have sustained injuries beyond anything I have seen a human survive. By the Gods and the Goddess, Sorcerer Terrin arrived just in time and was able to concoct a potion to help heal your internal wounds, but they are still delicate, and any sudden reactions or physical strains could cause them to open again, possibly killing you."

He had had no idea how bad his injuries actually were. He had been so focused on Tasha, he hadn't realized the extent to which his body was broken.

“You've paralyzed me, even if I wanted to, I couldn't move a muscle."

Errant took a deep breath. "The connection you have with Astasha, it has shown to be an extremely powerful force. I am telling you this because when you see her, I am unsure if even the toxin will keep the sheer will of whatever magic is inside you at bay."

Calder must have looked confused and scared, for Helia stepped next to Errant. "Your highness, I think it's best you understand now before you see her the extent of the damage that was done, so it may not be as much of a shock."

"I saw her in the clearing. I know what that damn thing did to her." Calder said.

The fire witch crouched down next to Errant in front of Cal, placing her hand on his.

Helia briefly looked to the High Sorcerer and then back to him. “What you saw in the clearing was superficial compared to what it has become. We covered as much as we could with wrappings after Sorcerer Terrin applied a salve he had made, but the wounds refuse to heal. The bruises have become swollen and discolored, and the gashes, there is something in them that seems to be spreading, as if poisoned. And the internal damage… it was much worse than yours. It has started to heal with the help of the potion, but at a far slower rate."

Cal was having a hard time swallowing or even breathing. "Why am I healing and she isn't?"

Helia’s brow creased. "We aren't sure if it's because of the demon, something he did to her, or because... well because she's decided to give up."

If he could have moved, Calder would have been shaking his head. Tasha would never give up. She was so much stronger than that, than him, than any of them. "No. It had to have been something it did to her."

"And that is a big possibility." Answered Errant. "But we can't know for sure until we can speak with her."

"Then why are you talking to me? Wake her up!"

Another exchanged glance between the sorcerers. Cal was getting fed up with these shared looks as if he was made of glass and was going to shatter at any moment.

His father put a hand on his shoulder. "They tried Calder. She was put under the same spell as you, to sleep without dreams, to ease your pain. But when they tried to wake her as they did you, she didn't open her eyes or respond."

What were they saying?

No… she had to wake up. She did before, she would now. She had to. She couldn’t leave him, not now, not after all they had endeared. She had to come back to him. If he had to, he would make her come back.

And suddenly, he knew what he had to do.

"How long will this toxin last?" He asked.

Helia looked curiously to someone Calder sensed was behind him.

"It should wear off before the sun sets Sorceress." He didn't recognize the man's voice so he could only assume it was this Terrin character.

"I know how to wake her up, but I'll need the use of my hands." Cal replied, and everyone looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Until then, I would like to see her."

Errant nodded. "Very well your highness."

Calder closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he felt himself being turned. Bracing himself, he opened them and he suddenly understood why they had warned him.

His beautiful Tasha was almost unrecognizable. Her face was swollen and certain parts were purple and an awful yellow. Most of her body was wrapped in strips of cloth, but there was a dark red and black that oozed through the bandages. Her hair was the one thing untouched, plaited into a braid to the side, although it was matted against her skin with sweat.

He wanted so badly to reach out and hold her, to kiss her head, to make it all better. But he knew they had been right to subdue him. His heart was breaking and there was no knowing what further damage he could have caused if he had been allowed to react the way he wanted to.

A cold heat rose in his stomach, a mixture of heartbreak and fury and guilt. It chilled and heated his blood at the same time, spreading through him. He wanted to scream and cry and break everything. Every emotion was set on high, and it raged inside him.

This was what agony felt like, to love someone so much and to know you had failed to protect them from such pain and torture, to see them fading from existence because they had no reason to go on.

The fire built and burned within him fueled by his grief. He needed to make it right, needed her to know he would spend the rest of eternity making up for the pain he had allowed her to endure. He just needed to feel her, to feel the connection that was a love deeper than the foundations of the earth.

Slowly, the numbness began to melt away as he felt the fire inside him burn off the toxin.

Holding his hand out, he heard Helia gasp. But it wasn't because he had moved.

From his fingertips, tendrils of blue flame were curling, stretching, reaching out for Astasha. He knew what he had to do. He would pull her from death’s grasp if it was the last thing he did. She needed to know it was safe, that he was there.

"Come back to me my love."

And with that, the blue flames of his spirit reached into her, to find her and guide her back.