Ch 36: The Apologies

Recounting the events in the clearing was one of the most difficult things Astasha had ever had to do. But she fueled the rage and hate inside her to get through it. The only thing more difficult was listening to Calder's recount, seeing the pain in his eyes when he looked at her, remembering what he had had to witness.

His fingers had remained laced with hers the entire time, even when he was asked to lay down so he could be treated, his hand stayed firmly linked with her own. No one said anything about it, either because they didn't care anymore, or simply didn't dare. The hell the two had been through seemed to far outweigh what now seemed a trivial matter. In fact, at the insistence of Calder, they had pushed two cots together so that he could lay next to her. The task had been carried out without hesitation or resistance.

As the two had shared their stories of what had happened, Errant or Helia would occasionally interject, mostly with questions to clarify what could potentially be information about the demon's plans. But otherwise, the room was silent.

Astasha couldn't help but notice the looks that appeared on everyone's face as she spoke of what the demon had done to her, what horrible things it had sneered into her ear as it broke her inside and out. Calder's grip on her hand had tightened as guilt and sorrow flooded his emotions. Josnen looked as though his teeth would crack from the clench in his jaw. Pity was plastered on Helia's face, her eyes moist with tears. But the one that shocked Tasha the most, was the shadow that crept across Errant's face, and the wave of regret that flowed from him.

Could it be that the High Sorcerer somehow felt responsible for what had occurred? The last time she had seen him before waking up in the Healing Ward she had been taunting him, bringing out an anger in him she had never witnessed before. The look on his face then was a stark contrast to the one he bore now.

Once their stories were told, a blanket of hushed intensity settled in the ward. Astasha knew they all shared her thoughts; even if they could decipher the demon’s plans, how were they to defeat such a foe? She knew the only reason she lived was because it had allowed her to. How then were they to destroy something so powerful, especially when they knew so little about it?

The King drew a deep breath, breaking the silence. “I fear I feel no closer to knowing what to do or tell my advisors than before. In fact, I feel even more at a loss. How can anything wield so much strength and how are but simple men to overcome it?”

No one seemed to know how to answer.

“By figuring out what it desires and using that against it.” Said Errant at last.

“Which was the whole point of waking these two and hearing their stories yet we are no closer to learning that than we were this morning.” Josnen let out a sigh of frustration. “Regardless, the rest of my advisors will be wondering what we have ascertained and I shouldn’t keep them waiting much longer.”

Astasha suddenly realized how utterly spent she was. Sorcerer Terrin had done what he could after she had woken to clean and treat her wounds, and while the swelling was beginning to go down and the black ooze that had seeped from her body had started to dissipate, she was now very aware of the excruciating pain that still lingered, not to mention the emotional distress she had endured.

Calder must have felt her sudden awareness because his hand tightened around hers as he turned to her. “What’s wrong?”

She gave him a weak smile. “I’m just tired is all.”

Errant was watching them closely. “I have no doubt you are. You both have been through much and are still in desperate need of healing.” He then turned to the rest of the group, all still perplexed by the puzzle they had yet to solve. "Though there is much for us to discuss, and time is of the essence, these two need rest and I think it would do us all well to do the same before determining the next move. It has been an intense day and it is abundantly clear that wise decisions are not made in rushed and exhausted circumstances."

The look on the King's face told Astasha that he was torn between his duties as a ruler and that of a father, but in the end, he sighed and nodded. “I shall report what I have learned here to my military advisors to see what they might be able to dicern from it, if anything. Tomorrow, after we’ve all had some sleep and a chance to mull everything over, perhaps something will come to us.”

“Very good.” Said Errant. “Sorcerer Terrin," He turned to the tall man with dark facial hair and deep chocolate eyes. "Please see to it that the Prince and Sorceress Astasha are as comfortable as possible and their wounds as tended as can be. We are expecting Sorceress Narelle at dawn and can hopefully then assess further healing."

The man nodded. "Of course High Sorcerer. I think it would be best as well if we set a watch in turns, to keep an eye on any changes to their health and for protection should anything happen. I am more than happy to take the first watch so you all may recharge and rest some."

"I agree." said Errant. "Although I would ask that the watch be posted outside the ward with the men from the Prince's Guard."

Calder raised an eyebrow. "My men are standing guard outside?"

Josnen chuckled slightly, a pleasant break in the heavy room. "You thought Talib would have it any other way after finding you as he did?"

Cal had spoken to Astasha of the Captain of his guard as his best friend during their last night together . He was the only one who had known about their affair before he left and Cal trusted him more than anyone else. She was happy he was there and owed him a debt of gratitude for his part in saving them.

Josnen continued. "He's asked to see you as soon as he is allowed."

Errant cut in before Calder could speak. "Once the Prince has rested he may visit him. For now, I think it best we all leave these two in peace."

Astasha couldn't help but notice the subtle look in the High Sorcerer's eye as he held his arm out to usher the others out of the room. Something was different, but what it was, she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

The King patted Calder on the back gently. “We’ve placed extra guards at every point of entry to the palace. I don’t know how much comfort that will be, but I will do everything in my power to see to it that we find a way to destroy this monster. Try to rest son.”

Helia hesitantly approached Astasha. “Sorceress, I’m… I can’t imagine…” Tasha could tell the other fire witch was shaken by what had happened to her and she reached out and squeezed Helia’s hand, feeding an energy of understanding and appreciation to her. She returned the smile. “Should you need me, for any reason, reach out to me and I will be here.”

“Thank you.”

At last it was only Errant and the earth sorcerer left.

Errant took a deep breath and turned to the couple on their cots. "Your highness, Sorceress, I know it is owed, but there is no apology I can give, no words I can say, to make up for what happened to you both due to my arrogance and stubbornness. I only hope you can find it within yourselves to understand that everything I did, I truly believed was for the best. I see now I was a foolish old man and had I simply listened, this all could have been avoided."

Astasha stared at him in shock. In all the years she had known the High Sorcerer, he had never taken such a stance of fault.

"Yes," said Calder. "you are arrogant and stubborn."

"Cal…” Astasha began. It had to be hard enough for Errant to humble himself so without them rubbing it in, but the Prince continued.

"I've spent a lot of time and energy blaming you for things that have happened, but alas, none of us are innocent in this whole affair."

Tasha looked over at the man she loved and realized, he was right. Everyone had played their part in the unraveling of events. She just never thought Errant of all people would accept his piece of the blame. His pride had been his fatal flaw, and it seemed he was now understanding that.

The High Sorcerer shook his head. "Yes, many things could have been done differently. But there is one wrong in particular I feel I need to right." His eyes moved to Tasha. "You have been a magnificent pupil, a loyal member of this Advisory, and a daughter figure despite not realizing I needed one. I should never have disgraced you with such dishonor as I did. I promise you, Astasha, I shall not fail you again as I have up till now."

Her breath caught in her throat. She had never known her father, had felt she had never needed one, but now she understood that it was something she had unknowingly longed for all along. Tears formed in her swollen eyes as the reality set in. She could never be as hard on Errant as he would be on himself; of course he carried the blame of what had happened. They both pushed each other because they knew the other cared. The bond they had formed over the years had gone unnoticed until now, and the fear and terror they faced had brought it to light.

"I forgive you Errant, and I apologize for being too foolish and blind to see what position I must have put you in. You’ve never steered me wrong yet I didn’t trust you. You didn’t deserve my betrayal like that. I promise as well, I too shall do better."

A moment passed between teacher and student, as though they were father and daughter, and an understanding was formed.

"Thank you." was all he said. Errant looked around, breaking the moment, no doubt uncomfortable allowing the vulnerability to carry on any further. “Well, you two should rest. I expect we will be needing both your help to formulate a plan in the morning. Good night."

“Good night High Sorcerer.” Said Astasha as Errant bowed and left the room.

It was only Astasha, Calder and Terrin now, and the latter made quick work of checking her wrappings and making them each a mug of herbal liquid he said would help them sleep.

"If either of you needs anything at all, I shall be right outside." He said as he slipped out of the ward and closed the door.

Astasha looked over at Cal who's thumb was running gently along her hand, his gaze watching her intently.

It was then that she realized what Errant had done.

Astasha and Calder laid next to each other in the Healing Ward, their eyes locked on one another, completely alone, allowed to share another night together, just the two of them.