Ch 49: The Scars That Never Heal

Everything had happened so quickly.

Calder stood outside the door to his mother’s chambers, Astasha’s chambers. What would he say? What could he say? He knew something horrid had happened to her in that clearing, but deep down, he had secretly hoped it hadn’t been that. A part of him hated that he had never bothered to find out for sure, but he didn’t want to bring up something neither truly wanted to talk about or have to relive.

The second Helia had left the War Room he had ordered the piece of shit Argryn stripped of his title and removed to the cells in the tower. No one, not even his father, dared to disobey. He would deal with that bastard later.

He had been ready to cut off the asshole’s manhood himself before Astasha snapped, so he understood her rage, but he had never seen her like that before, nor felt the emotions pouring through their connection. Her pain and anguish and anger had almost taken him to his knees.

He wanted to tell the guards to stand down when he saw them reach for their weapons after the first fireball, but it felt as though he was being drained of his very essence.

Errant had stepped in, demanding no one move. Tasha had built a wall of power around herself and he didn’t know what would happen should someone try to intervene. After what they had all witnessed in the healing ward when she had felt threatened, the High Sorcerer didn’t dare risk innocent lives. He had tried to reach out to her mentally, but she had pushed him out, blocking him from engaging her.

Helia was the one who had noticed Calder. Somehow, Astasha was pulling energy from everything, including him. ‘Ground yourself. Feel the power of the earth and pull it into yourself.’ She had said to him. This was insanity. He had always been in awe of what sorcerers could do, but now he was getting a crash course in it… he, the heir to the throne, who by all laws was never to have the power he currently held.

He knew he needed to reach Astasha. She was coming apart, losing control. He could feel darkness seeping into her heart and he had to stop it. So he pushed himself to find the energy Helia spoke of, and drew as much of it as he could.

The looks on everyone’s faces when his own blue fire began reaching for Astasha were shock, awe, and fear. He would deal with the consequences later, for now, he needed to keep his love from losing herself. It wasn’t easy, breaking through to her, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. He was the only one who could help her.

The look on her face when she turned to him though… he knew she was broken, and his heart broke for her. She needed to be alone, he could feel it, and so he let her leave.

He supposed it was fear that kept everyone from saying anything when he gave his order to arrest the Captain. Once the man was removed, Calder had turned to his father and Errant. He knew no matter what he said or did now, decisions would be made that none of them wanted. The truth was out. There was no turning back now.

Talib had tried to follow him when he left without another word, but he begged his Captain and friend to stay and try to sway decisions to protect Astasha any way he could. If nothing else, to be his eyes and ears. But when he finally agreed, Errant emerged from the room, pulling the Prince aside. ‘Your highness, the High Council will be here tomorrow. Astasha is no longer safe from them, no matter what spells Norelle has up her sleeve. I suggest you do what you must to protect her.’

And that was it. The fairy tale was over. They couldn’t stay there, yet they were defenseless if they left.

Calder had found himself in his quarters as the reality of it all set in. The wreckage that remained after he had destroyed anything his sword or fists could find was nothing compared to the wreck he felt in his heart.

The sun was setting though, and he needed to get Astasha out.

Now he stood before her door, unsure of everything but his love for her.

Had it really only been yesterday that he had given Tasha the key to these chambers? So much had taken place, and as he raised his hand to gently knock on the door, he wished he could do anything to go back and live in that morning for all of eternity.

The face that he saw as the door cracked open was not Astasha’s though, but Helia’s. A fire burned in her raised hand, ready to defend the younger fire witch. But it went out as soon as she assessed that it was only him there.

“Your highness—“

“I have to see her sorceress. I would leave her to mend in whatever way she needed until she called for me, but alas, our time has run out.” He silently begged her to understand without him having to explain, and the look on her face showed that she did.

Helia stepped out of the room, gently closing the door behind her. “There is something you must know before you see her.” There was guilt in her eyes. “After that night in the clearing, when I was tending to Sorceress Astasha and saw what that, monster, had done to her, I attempted a spell I had never done before, to shield her from the pain, physically and mentally. She used the foundation I had laid to build a wall around those memories. I don’t think she realized she had even done it. But today, that wall broke, and when it broke, it broke a piece of her. You need to know, she may never be the same again.”

The older fire witch opened the door for Calder.

“I will be right outside should you need me.” she said closing the door behind him.

Cal had cursed the demon that had lived in his head more times than he could count, had sworn to end it’s existence many times over, but when he saw his love, the beautiful woman with dark red hair he had given his heart to the moment he met her, sitting by the window, wrapped around herself in defeat and despair, he knew that even if it was the last thing he did, he would rip the vile creature limb from limb and watch it suffer in agony before he sent it back to the deepest depths of hell.

He didn’t say anything as he crossed the room and sat next to her, following her gaze out the window to the gardens beyond, the sun setting behind the trees.

They sat in silence for awhile, until he felt her take his hand.

When his gaze moved to her, tears were running down her cheeks. He lifted his free hand, pausing for a moment, before ever so gently cupping her face. Her eyes closed at his touch and she succumbed to her tears, leaning into him as she sobbed. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry, not saying a word. After all, what was there he could say that would make any of it go away.

After what felt like hours, although it had only just grown dark, the heaving of her shoulders slowed and her breathing steadied, but she stayed tucked in his arms, her face against his chest. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and tired. “What did it feel like, when you died?”

The question caught him off guard. When he had thought about that moment at the sacred stone, he always remembered coming back. He remembered the darkness, the emptiness, but never what his actual death had been like.

He shook his head. “I don’t remember, but if I did, I imagine it still wouldn’t come close to what you are feeling now.”

Astasha pulled away from him. “How can I ever feel whole again Cal? How can I ever heal the scars I carry?”

He looked into her eyes. The embers that usually glowed behind them were dim, almost lost to shadow. He didn’t know how, or if he even could, but he would spend eternity trying to fan them to life again.

“Some scars never heal, but they make us stronger.” He said as he took her hands.

“I am tired of being fucking strong.”

He could feel how tired she truly was.

“Then I will be your strength.”

Astasha closed her eyes. “You can’t carry me forever Calder. I have weighed you down from the moment we met.”

“That is anything but true.” He responded. “You lifted me from the darkness in the Land of the Dead. I would gladly do the same for you.”

He knew she was going to retort, to find any reason she wasn’t worthy, and he would keep finding reasons she was. But then something shifted in Astasha. She became tense, and pensive, lost in an idea that seemed to terrify her.

“Tasha?”

She looked up at him. “I know where it is.”

Calder cocked his head. “Where what is?”

“The forest. The dark mage, she was banished to a half life, not alive, but not dead, until she disappeared from the world. ‘Find us in the Forest of the Damned.’ You’ve been there Cal, or at least the entrance to it.”

It suddenly clicked. Of course, it’s why they couldn’t find it on any map. It wasn’t a place that existed in this world, but between them, and where else would an entrance into a world between darkness and light be?

“The Land of the Dead.” He said as their eyes locked. “The sacred stone, it’s a doorway.”