Ch 37: The Spoken and Unspoken

Silence washed over the couple as they simply looked at one another. What does one say after facing what they had? Calder opened his mouth to speak, looking over the bruises and swollen flesh on Astasha's face. His brow furrowed and his lips closed into a thin line, exhaling sharply. His free hand lifted toward her face, but his fingers hesitated before gently running down her braid of hair.

He shook his head. "I'm so sorry."

The look of pain in his eyes...

He began to say more but Astasha lifted her hand and gently placed her fingers against his lips. "Shhhhh."

He looked up into her eyes and her gaze melted into tenderness.

"I know all the things you would say to me. You don't have to say them, Cal. None of this was your fault, there was nothing you could have done to change what happened. You did everything you could, to the point of death. But we're both here, we were given more time together. Let's not waste it saying things that need not be spoken ." She moved her hand to cup his cheek and he reached his own up to hold it against hers.

"Even when I thought I couldn't be more amazed by you, more in love with you, you prove me wrong. I don’t deserve a goddess like you.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm.

“You deserve everything you desire, although you may want to have Sorcerer Terrin check to make sure you’re head didn’t get knocked too hard. I am far from a goddess.” She chuckled slightly, the first lighthearted moment in a long stretch of seriousness and stress.

“Well then I will redefine what a goddess is in your image.” He kissed her palm again.

Astashed grimaced. “Perhaps not this exact one.” She freed her hand to absentmindedly touch the wounds on her face.

He gathered both her hands in his and held them close. “No bruise or scar could tarnish the beauty you hold.”

They laid there quietly watching each other again, their eyes drifting over one another's faces, taking each other in.

There was no knowing how long they had done that, sat in silence, nothing and everything passing between them, before Calder broke the quiet.

“They said your wounds weren’t healing because you had given up. Why... what kept you from waking Tasha? Why didn't you want to come back to me?"

A sorrow and pain crossed her face, not the physical kind, but something deeper.

"I couldn't feel you. Sense you. I thought you were gone from me. Death seemed more peaceful than a life without you."

Calder touched her face as gentle as a whisper. "I was here, by your side. Your name was the only thing I knew. It kept me from the darkness."

"I'm sorry I lost my way." She whispered back. "Thank you for finding me and pulling me from my own darkness."

"I will always find you, always pull you back. You are my light, Tasha. With you, even the blackest of nights couldn't consume me."

"Your light was what brought me back. I had seen death. It was going to take us both. And then I was alone, lost in a vast emptiness, waiting for the end. I thought you were gone, that only pain and suffering were left, and then I saw it, blue slivers of flame reaching toward me. And then your voice, calling me back. I thought it was the afterlife, beckoning me, tempting me with promises of things I couldn't have."

"Is that why your fire lashed out when you came to?"

Astasha's brow furrowed. "I'm not sure. I remember giving in finally, reaching out to you. Before, there had only been these fragments of feelings, like pieces of memories with no story… but then when you pulled me out, everything that had happened came flooding back… it was like reliving it all over. I needed to protect you, protect myself. The feeling was so strong, it just, came out of me."

She took a deep breath as her eyes drifted over Calder. "I wish I knew how I had done that, I wish I had been able to do that in the clearing, to save us both the torture and terror, but I don't know how or why it happened. I don't think I could recreate it even if I tried."

"I think you could. There's so much power within you Tasha. You're smart and strong, and stubborn. All you have to do is set your mind on something and you'll make it happen. Just like you did freeing me."

She shook her head. "And look what a mess that made."

Calder squeezed her hand. "Life is a mess, no matter how clean and proper we try to go about it. It's what makes it beautiful. Just like you."

A small smile graced Tasha's mouth. "Are you saying I'm a beautiful mess?"

Cal reciprocated the smile. "The most awe-inspiring and breathtaking one I've ever seen."

He looked at her lips. They both leaned in towards each other. The unspoken desire to taste each other, feel each other, was palpable in the room.

But Calder's fingers moved to gently brush the cracked and swollen skin around Astasha's mouth and his eyes closed with a sigh.

A tear slipped from Tasha's eye as she watched the guilt mar his perfect features again.

"Cal," she whispered. "This isn't your fault."

"I know you want me to believe that, but how can I love you so much yet fail to protect you? When I saw you in the clearing…” his voice cracked with the pain of the memory. “And then again here… I thought…If you had--"

"But I didn't. You saved me, my love… in the clearing, and again here. I don't even know how you did what you did to pull me out of death's grip, but you did. And this isn’t the first time you have.” She didn’t want him to torture himself like this. They had been through enough already. “Look at me."

Slowly Cal opened his eyes and raised his head.

"Our love is greater than death, remember? Anything that happens, I know we will overcome it."

They looked at each other for a moment before Calder shook his head lightly. "I love you so fucking much Astasha. I don't know how it's possible to love someone as much as I love you, but you fill a part of me I never knew was missing, like a piece of the puzzle I had lost that suddenly appeared and made everything whole. If I lost you, I think I would fall apart completely."

"I love you too Calder. But you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I sensed it in you the moment we met. Courage, honor, resilience, and a kindness like no other. With so much youth and yet a wise soul. You were the most intriguing man I had ever come across. You continue to intrigue and surprise me."

Her fingers brushed his shaggy hair from his face, her eyes studying him as he simply watched her.

"You should rest, my love." whispered Calder.

Concern crossed Astasha's face. "I know I should, but there's a part of me afraid to close my eyes. Afraid of what waits for me in sleep's embrace."

Calder's jaw clenched. "I would follow you into your dreams to chase away every nightmare if I could."

"I know you would."

Taking a deep breath, Cal moved to resituate himself. “What I can do, however, is protect and comfort you in this realm while you slumber.”

Ever so gently he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her, allowing her head to lay upon his chest.

They laid there together, the silence taking over again. Astasha's fingers drifted over Calder's chest, his hand running up and down her back.

"What happens now, Cal?"

"I don't know."

They both breathed uncertainty and worry, the air still as they let the unknown settle in the room.

"It's still out there." Astasha's voice was barely a whisper. "We have no idea what it wants, or what it will do. You and I have some magical connection that no one understands, yet our love is still forbidden. The tangled mess keeps growing and I don't even know where to start unraveling it."

Cal softly kissed her head. "We take it one thread at a time. Tomorrow the new water witch will be here, so the first thing we focus on is healing you. From there, we can only just see what happens. But no matter what it is, we'll be together. Whatever happens, I won't let you face it alone."

He wrapped her as tight as he dared without risking aggravating her injuries.

"Sleep, my love." He cooed to her. "I'll be here when you awake. I promise."

Astasha nodded her head ever so slightly before nuzzling up closer to him.

There was still so much to say, yet no words that could be said. Both feared what was to come but knew it couldn't be stopped. So they laid there, awaiting sleep to take them, both hoping to awake from a long nightmare, yet knowing this was just the beginning of the battles to come. All they knew was that they loved each other and that somehow, that love had overcome death more times than should be allowed. Together, they could face anything. Together, they were strong.