50. Time Is a Knife

Laura - The cabin in the woods
Feeling watched, I raise my head and glance toward the door. Paul stands there, staring at me as if I were a painting at an exhibit. I can’t help but smile.
He makes a step forward as I put my book on the nightstand. Gawking at the book’s title, he almost trips on the rug by the door. This time I start chuckling while measuring his new style between the peals of laughter.
Paul frowns. “What are you laughing at?”
Jet black joggers hang at his hips and a jacket wraps around his muscular, broad shoulders. His defined collar bone settles above the hem of a black tank-top, hiding the smooth chest underneath. Tousled black hair cascades down in a set of loose strands and frames his sculpted face. He looks so different from the neatly arranged Paul I’m accustomed to.
“Nothing. Just admiring your new look.”
“I wasn’t aware you had any interest in fashion.” He raises an eyebrow.
I laugh again. "Why the abrupt shift in behavior? When did you start dressing like that and stumbling upon things?"
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s not like that. But it simply isn’t you. Or maybe I don’t know you so well.”
Paul sits next to me with a blank look in his eyes as he stares out the window. A gust of wind forces the tops of the trees to lean on one side before they bounce back tall as ever.
Seeing that he's not in the mood for talking, I sigh and rest my head on the pillow. “The wind is strong today. It must be storming somewhere.”
“I want to rediscover myself. The one underneath all the things I’ve imposed upon myself. I think that’s the real me, the one that no one knows yet, not even myself.”
“That sounds rather scary.”
“Maybe it is. But I have to try.”
I watch him squeezing the edge of the mattress. After a while, I draw closer and place my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes and listen to the beating of his heart.
"I like to see this soft side of yours and that you trust me. But I don't know what the others will think or do seeing the Dragon like this."
"You’re the second person who implied this shortcoming today." He pauses for a while, then shrugs. "I guess we’ll find out soon enough. A new summit will take place in less than a month. We’ll see then what the other alphas have to say about my new persona."
“This doesn’t sound too good, Paul.”
"Don't be concerned." He raises and extends his hand, pulling me out of bed. "I feel much more dangerous than I used to be. Everyone knew what to expect from me when I used to bark all day. When a wolf barks, his prey runs away. This wolf will no longer bark, but he will bite if necessary."
I snort and back away. "You're still barking right now, Paul," I remark, shaking my head with a grin.
A shocked gasp comes out when he literally sweeps me off my feet. Holding me in his arms, he carries me outdoors, circles the little cabin, and comes to a halt in front of a massive barrel filled with water. It's big enough to be a small pool.
"The water should be warm since I filled it before leaving for the meeting." Paul tilts his head toward me, his arms still around me. "I suppose it's ideal for dipping."
I giggle. "So you're planning to take a bath with me?"
His lips curve up into a smirk. "Yes."
I look at the sky. Dark clouds gather from the east, and the wind that blows from the same direction announces an incoming storm.
“Paul, I don’t think it’s the right moment. It’ll start raining soon.” I give him a mocking glare. “Are you sure you can’t wait until it stops?”
He climbs the wooden ladder adjacent to the barrel before descending inside. He keeps me above the water, which reaches his thighs, so I don't get wet. At least not yet.
Paul raises his head and looks up at the darkening sky. He takes a big breath and gently exhales it through his lips. "A storm is always on its way, sooner or later. One may take refuge or remain in the water. What more can the rain do to you if you're already soaked?"
How should I react to a rhetorical question like this? I don't have time to think about it because he lowers himself into the water, bringing me with him. We're both drenched inside the barrel now. I find the whole thing amusing. But I can't stop thinking that this Paul is way too different from the one I first met.
“We should get rid of these clothes,” he says, pulling off his wet shirt.
“Don’t you think you should have considered this part before plunging into the water?”
“Why?” He gives me a quick kiss. “You don’t like it?”
"It’s not about whether I like it or not. I think we should discuss things, and settle on how we should proceed. I can’t say I approve of the Paul obsessed with rules, but now you have fallen off the other edge of the cliff. You seem to not care about anything anymore."
“I care about other things than before.” His fingers start unbuttoning my blouse beneath the water. “But please, continue.”
The storm is close, its smell crawling through the air. It will begin pouring in a matter of minutes.
“Recklessness doesn’t suit you, and you seem damn reckless to me now. If you think this is the real you, then go for it. But if this change is only because of me, please don’t do it.”
Before I finish the sentence, Paul has already gotten rid of my clothes, which now hang on the edge of the barrel. Shrouded by the water, his hands travel all over my body as his mouth takes mine.
Our chat — or, more accurately, my monologue — ends abruptly, leaving a vortex of unresolved questions. Sex will not fix any of our issues. We're just enjoying the moment, a state of bliss that seems boundless. Isn't he aware that time is a knife? It will cut you if you don't hold it correctly or if you let it fall from your grasp.
However, I can’t bear to stop him. I grab his face and pull him closer. The rain cascades down upon us.