58. One Last Attempt

Paul - Roaming through the city streets
When I was a child, I discovered a baby bird that had fallen from its nest. I couldn't leave it stranded and alone on the grass. It was so frail and vulnerable.
I brought it home and nursed it back to health. I fed it worms and wheat and cleaned its feathers. The little thing grew up healthy and strong. I called it "Pigeon" since I thought it was a pigeon. But as spring gave way to summer, I soon came to realize that Pigeon was actually a crow.
My grandmother advised me to toss it away because it was a bad omen. But knowing what it was didn't change my feelings for it.
Pigeon used to stay perched on my shoulder. I was small, and it was too big for me to carry for a long time. But I wanted to keep it close to me. I had grown attached to the little creature.
When it started to try flying on its own, I got scared it would fall and harm itself. It was cawing and flapping its wings. So I kept it in a cage for its own good.
I’d always taken good care of Pigeon and made sure it was safe. But one day, as I was feeding it, my mother summoned me to lunch. A moment of carelessness, that was all it took to lose my precious companion.
I forgot to lock the small wicker, and Pigeon must have pushed it open. To make things worse, it disappeared during a savage summer storm.
I went around town searching for it everywhere but to no avail. No one knew where to find it.
My father greeted me at the door and rubbed my head. "When it comes to things we care about, it's in a wolf's nature to be protective and possessive. But, for the benefit of everyone, you must occasionally learn to let go."
The truth is, I was too young to understand my father’s words that day.
I've always felt bad about what may have happened to the bird. It was much more difficult for me to forgive myself since I didn't know what had happened to it.
I offered Laura an option, and she made her choice. Then I sought to make things right by never contacting her again.
I tried to put the past behind us and move forward. I wanted to think that, in the end, we'll both be able to do it. I don't regret anything that happened between us. Even if I wish things could have been different.
Instead of my father’s advice, Alisa’s words now echo in the back of my head.
“Some people stay, some people leave, but their hearts remain in the same place. Even if hers is not beating, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.”
“Go speak with her, please. Only you can bring her back.”
When someone walks out, they must have their reasons. Or maybe they got tired of the other person forcing their selfish feelings onto them.
Do I have the right to overstep the boundaries of my own making? Would I be able to forgive myself if something were to happen to Laura?
Letting my thoughts take over, I find myself strolling through the Dristor district. I can’t say how or why I’ve arrived in this area. Hands in my pockets, I stop right across the street from Laura’s apartment building.
Like a stalker, I lurk in the shadow of an old chestnut tree, avoiding the heat of the late summer sun. When a little boy crosses the road, he looks at me as if I'm a strange weirdo in a peaceful neighborhood.
Alisa's words sparked something again inside me. I try to convince myself that it isn't too late. That there's still hope.
A car droves by and stops in front of the building. Laura comes out, and I peek at the driver. He smiles at her in a way I don’t like.
I take deep breaths, clenching my fists. I wait for the car to leave. As Laura is searching for the keys to the building’s front door, I cross the street and stop right behind her.
“I assumed you weren't interested in dating. What happens when you hear their thoughts?”
She turns around. No surprise on her face. In fact, no emotion whatsoever.
"It irritated me back then when I used to care. But now I can just ignore their mental whispers and have fun. So, how about you? How are you doing?"
“Do you care?”
"Nope," she says with a bright grin, then lowers her head to continue looking for her keys.
“You’re different. What happened?”
"That night I came looking for you." Her face is devoid of any emotion as she looks at me again. Her voice sounds monotonous, like the actors’ from a low-budget movie. "I couldn’t stop thinking about you hugging Lexa. But I had to forget it somehow. So I pressed a switch and my emotions went puff in a split second." She raises a hand to the sky as if presenting a product with great emphasis. "This is the new, improved Laura."
“So you ran away both physically and mentally. The more you care about someone, the more it wears you down. It's only natural. You just have to embrace it, not run away.” I step closer to her in a futile attempt to persuade her with my height and proximity. “For you, I was prepared to be covered in whatever filth came my way. There’s nothing more important to me than you. But you took the easy way out.”
“Exactly. I’ve made my choice.”
“The thing about making choices is that we don’t make a single one. Just be honest with yourself and a tad greedy. I sure know I am greedy now.”
I lower my head, still not receiving a truthful response from her.
Laura never flinches nor shifts her gaze. "I've moved on."
It feels like the end of the play when the curtain falls and the lights dim, but I’m not ready for the show to be over.
“Did you really, Laura?”
“Yeah, I remember a time when I cried thinking of you. I don’t feel like crying when I see you now. If that isn’t moving on, then what is?”
One last attempt. My fingers slide behind her back. I hold her tight in my arms, my touch unwavering. It’s like hugging a cold rock. Pressing my lips against hers, I force a kiss. As I've nearly lost all hope, I feel her shivering under my touch.
I move my hand on her neck, and her skin creases wherever I stroll my fingers. A soft sigh comes through her barely opened lips, and I lick them out. I’m starting to get my hopes up.
“You can't stay away from me forever, Laura. We belong together."
My heart is hammering in my chest, but I try to remain calm and collected. To appear strong and determined.
Her hand on my chest pushing me away feels like a dagger piercing my heart. I want to pull out that dagger, rip her clothes, and display the full magnitude of my desire.
But I let her leave instead. She turns around and climbs the few steps to the front entrance of the building.
“If something were to happen to you…” I manage to say.
She waves her hand without looking back.
My throat is too dry to speak anymore.