80. Love and Fear

Laura - Home
Fearing I could drop the puppy from my shaky hands, I slowly set him down on the floor. He immediately starts whimpering and wagging his tail, but I'm too scared to pick him up. I back away slowly, watching him from the corner of my eye as he scrambles to his feet.
My legs feel like jelly, and I sit on the couch's edge. Several decades have passed since I've last seen Iustin, my maker. The night I met him was the night I died—the night I became a strigoi. I look at my shaking hands, remembering those times.
He was the one who turned me into one of them, holding my dead body in his arms for three days and three nights, keeping my soul trapped inside and forbidding it from going to the other side. For a long time, I thought he lied to me about the process until I did the same to Alisa and turned her into a strigoi as well.
He helped me escape the strigoi Council's tight grip, and I owe him my life if my life counts for anything. Iustin covered up my ability to read minds and manipulated them to believe I was worthless to the Council.
If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought Iustin was the most wonderful and kind man on the planet. Maybe there were times when I even fancied the idea of being with him in a romantic way. But he had never seen me as anything other than his creation, one that the Council forced upon him.
Shortly after I learned what and who I really became, Iustin met a human female named Catrina or Ecaterina, I believe. After so many years, details become foggy.
He saved her from other strigois who wanted her blood. Though, he had to kill the attackers. One of them got away and announced the Council of Iustin’s betrayal. His testimony brought an immediate sentence.
As Iustin was on his second strike, he had to hide. He wouldn’t have gotten away as easily as when he had to sire me. They would have hunted him down and tortured him for centuries to come. Strigois’ lives are worth more than those of humans in the eyes of the Council.
In the last decades, I’ve been hoping he found the happiness and peace he deserved. I don’t think I can stand the thought of being wrong all these years.
Dan lets Iustin enter the room, nods, and leaves without a word.
With a warm smile, my maker approaches me. His eyes lack the same warmth and the sparkle I’ve seen in them only once before—when he was with his lover. Now, his sky-blue eyes are cold and distant.
“Hello, Laura,” he greets me and nods toward Paul as he sits in the chair in front of me, the table between us.
Paul settles beside the wall, arms folded, watching us with a speculative glint in his eyes. He most likely wants to prevent any shenanigans from happening.
“It’s been a while,” Iustin continues. “Can we talk in private?”
“Everything you have to say to Laura, you can say in front of me too.” Paul extends his hand toward the exit. “If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”
“I got it.” Iustin smirks, his cold eyes back on me. “I’m glad you found a protective wolf to watch over you.”
“Why did you come back?” I ask, my voice trembling. His presence reminds me too much of the darkest times in my life.
“The recent change in the Council’s leadership for once. I’m not a wanted man anymore.”
The puppy whimpers at my feet, looking like he wants to jump all over me but is wary of doing so. I bend down to pick him up. His fur is matted and dirty. I have to give him a bath.
As he snuggles on my lap, I ask, “How is Catrina—”
“Ecaterina,” Iustin interrupts me. “Her name was Ecaterina. She died a few months ago.”
He taps the top of the table with an idle finger.
“What happened?” I ask though I already know the answer.
“My human lover died of old age because she refused to turn into a strigoi.” The rhythm of his tapping on the wooden surface picks up the pace. “And I refused to change her, so we were on the same wavelength as always.”
“I understand.” I settle my hand over his.
His lips twitch under the weight of held-back pain. He sighs deeply, seemingly deflated.
“I don’t need sympathy. It’s better this way. The passion of love is bound to grow cold after a few centuries,” Iustin says, his sky-blue eyes drenched in sorrow and acceptance. “The worst part was that I had to see her wither away little by little. Near the end, the pain was great. But she had even refused anodynes.”
Fear surfaces in my chest once more. I glance at Paul over my shoulder, who stares at the floor. He is silent, but I know he listens to every word Iustin and I say.
Iustin notices my gaze yet continues unfazed, “If there’s one thing that can’t be stopped, that’s the gradual fading of memories. After centuries, I’m surprised some still exist. But I know I won’t ever forget Ecaterina.”
Not even the small ball of fur in my lap can distract me from the turmoil that has started building up inside me. The dread of losing Paul is stronger than ever, even more so than any fear I have ever felt.
“I’ve heard of your imprisonment and wanted to check up on you.” The sorrow in Iustin’s eyes fades away, and coldness takes its place. “I’m glad you got out unscathed. The strigois would have been eager to tear you apart and dissect you just to study the peculiar nature of your—”
“It’s not peculiar anymore,” I say before he can finish. “I found out the truth about my abilities. A gypsy witch told me how Paul and I are connected; soulmates meant to be. If that’s the case, I should have been a wolf too. Since I was young and adopted by humans, I hadn’t awoken my true nature by the time I was turned into a strigoi. My mind-reading ability came from my wolf side and, being a light power, allows me to read the minds of strigois.”
Iustin stares at me for a while before slowly tilting his head in approval. “I’m glad you found out the truth. You should be more at ease now.”
He looks up at Paul, then takes a card from his pocket and slides it to me over the table.
“There’s my number and my address. If you need anything or simply want to talk, call me.”
Iustin gets up from his seat and walks towards the exit. The door swings closed behind him, thumping into place.
I stare at the card, unable to swallow past the dry lump in my throat.
Hearing Paul’s footsteps behind me, I turn my head around to look up at him as he settles his hand on my shoulder.
“I’m scared, Paul.”
As if guessing why I am like this, he whispers, “Love is never without fear.” His arm wraps around me as he sits on the couch next to me. “When I die, you can simply wait for me to get reborn again.”
Raising an eyebrow, I mockingly stare at him. “So the nonbeliever started to believe in soulmates and reincarnation?”
“No, but I’m willing to if you believe it.”