55. A Heart to Heart

Paul - A park in Bucharest
Without my knowledge, my feet brought me into a park, not very far from the hotel where the summit takes place. My knees feel like they will give way soon under the weight I feel inside my soul.
The night is cold and gloomy, the stars hiding behind thick clouds. The wind blows, making me shiver.
I sit on a bench. A post next to a tree sheds light between the branches, the leaves creating shadows on the asphalt in a mesmerizing pattern.
“Paul!”
“Lexa,” I mutter, watching her coming closer.
“I’m glad I found you.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask, looking up at her.
Her chestnut hair shines a dark red under the tree, and I wonder why I keep getting in love with red-headed women.
I tilt my head back. "Have you heard what happened in the hotel room between me and Laura?"
“How— How do you know that I—”
“I sensed your perfume on the corridor when I left the room.”
“Ah, yeah. I’m sorry, but not really.” Lexa sits next to me. “Paul, I know you better than anyone else. Your tremendous willpower and cool-headed oversight over everything are just ways to cover up your fragile soul.”
If she's going to dissect me, she may as well do it without my help. And that is precisely what she does.
“You want to be needed, wanted, and loved by the people around you. That’s why you do so much for others, even if you have to sacrifice yourself in the process.”
It’s a bit painful to realize that my ex is still the person who knows me the most. Once you let someone inside your heart, you start showing them parts of you that you keep hidden from the rest of the world.
After so many years, I thought I'd changed enough that I wasn't the same person I was back then. And still, here she is, Lexa, telling me exactly what’s inside my heart. Not a pleasant feeling at all.
"If I were to remain by your side, you wouldn’t have been the man you are today. You wouldn’t have accomplished all the things you did. I knew you were meant for greatness, and I was merely holding you back. I’m greedy, and it wouldn’t have ended well. A relationship between two alphas can’t work. I couldn't hold on, so I set you free."
"Thank you, but I hope you know what you just stated is completely for your benefit." I catch her glance as I stare at her. "You should have given this reason when you left me if it was for me. It's now useless. Why do you wish to bring the past back to life?"
"I'll get there eventually. What I mean is that the ending was as simple as letting go of a leaf in the wind. But I remember how you used to smile only for me. That smile never left my mind. And I saw it again today as Laura walked into the conference room." Lexa's lips tightened into a sorrowful grin. "Imagine the brilliant Paul Mateescu making such a dumb mistake as falling in love with a strigoi."
"I watched her reading. Her indescribable and sublime loneliness resembled mine. That's when I knew I needed to protect her, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. Even from her own fate."
Silence comes next, leaving the echoes of my confession to linger in the air like an invisible veil of smoke.
"So you thought you were fated to be together. Knowing you, Paul, and your protective nature, it was inevitable. Despite this, she does not seem to seek your protection."
Lexa sighs and places a hand over my caved-in shoulder.
"You know, there were days and nights when I thought of you. Sometimes I was hoping for you to come and kidnap me." Lexa humphs at her own stupidity. "This time, don’t give up so easily. Fight for what you want as much as you have fought for peace. I want you to be the same strong man you are when you are at the summit meetings."
A cold night breeze sends chills down my spine. I can’t think of anything else except Laura. The worst might come, and I have to be prepared for it.
"I can’t be strong now." I bury my face in my palms. "Perhaps everything between us was an illusion, a one-sided infatuation. What do I do? I can't stop thinking about what if Laura isn't there when I get back. My heart won’t stop."
“Good. Or else you’d be dead.” Lexa smirks. “You’re like a faithful dog when no one else sees you except the person you love.”
“Woof!”
“Can you still joke? Man, you’re quite a character!”
“I can't be serious when you're making that worried face, Lexa. It doesn't suit you.”
Even though Lexa was responsible for pushing me to rock bottom, she is also the one who pulls me out now from the depths of despair. And, little by little, I can’t hate her anymore.
I turn to her and hug her tight, placing my chin on her shoulder. Her scent mingles with a dash of lilac. Surely, this is my imagination, the part of me that still clings to Laura and can’t stop thinking about her.
“Are you okay?” Lexa asks, her voice soft and concerned.
“Yeah, I am. For now.”
My eyes get wet, but no tears fall. “Thank you!”
Her hand strolls over my hair. She whispers in my ear, “Don’t mention it. Now hurry up and go to your room. She’s probably looking for you as we speak.”
It's weird being this close to her again or even talking to her. We let each other go. That hug was too long for comfort.
Leaning back on the bench, I say, "I’ll stay a bit longer. There are high chances she’s gone for good, and I have to prepare myself for that. I need to be alone."
Lexa nods, and I close my eyes.
“Oh, Lexa. Please, let’s not do this ever again. We’ll talk only about pack matters from now on.”
“Sure, but only if you make up with Laura. Else, I might need to come back and talk some sense into you.”
Her footsteps fade away as I remain on the bench. This conversation made me feel better and worse at the same time. After a while, I stand up and walk back to my hotel room.