56: Her Pain and Tears

A/N: I'm late i know , but no matter how many times I have written or deleted the chapter, I was not satisfied with the result. Like I wanted to show her pain, her struggle, and the way she was standing up for herself. crying but still not backing up. 
Also **vote and comment, this chapter is so special for me, please, i request you, please dont disspoint me, i wrote this chapter with so much emotion.** 
So that's why it took me so much time. Also, this chapter has so many Hindi dialogues, so read them carefully.
**DEDICATION: This chapter is dedicated to those girls who fight every day to prove how capable they are and what they can do. Every day they had to prove themselves.**
**Yes, for you girls.**
**Target: 1.5k votes and 500 votes** 
**( Chapter will come after the target is complete, so silent readers, at least vot,e i know you are not going to comment )**
Naina's POV:
I looked at him in shock and pain. What did he ask me? No—maybe I was still dreaming; I felt half-asleep. My papa would never ask me something like this, not after everything I'd done...
"Chup kyu hui? Jawab de apne baap ke sawal ka—kahaan se laayi itne saare paise tu?"

(Why are you silent? Answer your father's question—where did you get so much money from?)
I was still staring at Papa, still trying to process what I'd just heard, when my chachi's voice cut through.
I looked at her and stood frozen. Everyone was looking at me the same way: waiting for me to cry or to beg.
"Aap kya kehna chahti hain—saaf-saaf kahiye," I said to her.
(Say clearly what you want to say.)
"Yahi ki—kitne diye hain tere aashiq ne, ya phir kaho aashiqon ne, jo itne jaldi itna ghar, gaadi, sab kharid liya. Kitna dete the tujhe, wo apna bistar garam karne ka?"
(That's it—how much did your lover, or should I say lovers, give you so quickly to buy this house and car? How much did he give you to warm his bed?)
"Wahi toh bhai, main ne aapse kaha tha ki ladki ko bahar mat bhejo—yeh hamare khandaan ka naam kharaab kar degi. Lekin aap... aap toh beti ke pyaar mein itne andhe ho gaye the ki aapko kisi ki baat sunai hi nahi di." My bua finally jumped in, seizing her chance.
(I told you not to send the girl out—she will spoil the family's name. But you... You were so blinded by love for your daughter that you didn't listen to anyone.)
Hearing that, rage boiled inside me—a hot, murderous urge. I looked at her with reddened eyes, then forced a smile.
"Haan, wahi. Pata nahi kya kya karke aur kahaan kahaan apna muh kala kiya hoga isne?" My chachi began her fake crying.
(Yes, that's it. I don't know what all she might have done or where she might have ruined our reputation.
"Aap dono kaafi achha natak karte ho—main toh hairaan hoon ki aap dono abhi tak kisi natak company mein kyun nahi ho." I stepped forward and said it out loud.
(Both of you act very well—I'm surprised you two haven't joined a drama troupe yet.)
"Aap dono ko yeh problem hai ki aapka so-called parivaar ka naam kharaab ho gaya, ya phir is cheez se jalan ho rahi hai ki aapke bete jo kaafi saalon se kaam kar rahe hain, wo khud ke liye aaj tak ek gaadi tak nahi le paaye. Aur yahan main, ek ladki hokar, bahar jaake kaam karke apni gaadi aur apna ghar kharid liya—toh aap logon ko yeh bardasht nahi ho raha, hai na?"

(Both of you have a problem—either that our "family name" is supposedly tarnished, or you're jealous that your sons, who have worked for years, haven't even bought a car, while I, a girl, went out, worked, and bought my bike and my house. You can't tolerate that, right?)
Their faces flushed with anger.
"Bhai, dekha? Yeh kya bol rahi hai—lagta hai sharam ke saath sanskaar bhi bhool gayi hai." My bua moved toward Papa and began crying as if she alone were innocent.
(Did you see what she's saying, brother? It looks like she's forgotten manners along with shame.)
Papa stood and came in front of me. I looked at him with hurt in my eyes. There was guilt there, but also doubt.
"Kya hua, Papa? Aapki aankhon mein mujhpar shaq kyun dikh raha hai? Kya aapko bhi lagta hai ki aapki beti aisa kuch karegi?" I asked. He sighed and began to speak.
"Main jaanta hoon ki maine aaj tumhe dukh diya hai, par main nahi chahta ki kal log tumpe ungli uthaaye—bas isliye—" He started, but I interrupted him.
"Toh isliye aapne apni beti ke character pe sawal uthaya, wo bhi sabke saamne?"
(So that's why you questioned your daughter's character, and that too in front of everyone?)
My heart broke—piece by piece. My papa, my hero who always stood by me, was now asking this.
I was looking at him when I heard my bua's daughter's voice.
"Mama, mene suna hai waha kaafi budhe amer hote hai jo ek raat ke badle kuch bhi de sakte hai aur—"
**SLAP**
With this, the whole room went into silent mode.
"NAINA, TERI HIMMAT KAISE HUI MERI BETI PE HAATH UTHANE KI?" Her bua shouted while wiping her daughter's tears. I ignore her words and look at the crying girl.
Yes, it was me who slapped her.
"Ye pehli baar tha isliye mene jyada zor se nhi mara. Agar firse tumne hamare bich bola, tho aisa haal karugi ki theek se khadi bhi nhi reh paaugi, samjhi?" Ya fir tumhari maa ne tumko itna bhi nhi sikhaya ki jab bade baat kar rahe ho tho bich me nhi bolte." I look at my bua and say,
(This was the first time, so I didn't hit you too hard. If you interrupt us again, I'll make you so upset that you won't be able to stand properly, do you understand? Or did your mother not teach you not to interrupt when elders are talking?)
My bua's whole face became red in anger. She made her daughter sit on the sofa like she was made of glass, then came to me at her entire speed.
"Teri, itni himat ki tu meri beti ko ye kahe? Pehle tho khud apna muh kala karke aai hai aur suna meri beti ko rahi hai teri to" Saying this, she raised her hand to slap me again, but this time I grabbed her hand before it could touch my cheeks.
(You have the nerve to say this to my daughter? You've disgraced yourself, and then you're telling my daughter this.)
"Aapke haath tho aapki zuban se bhi kaafi tez chalte hai sambhal kar rakhiye inhe warna dono hi kaat dungi me aur aap itna bura kyu maan rahi hai mene aapki trha kisike character pe sawal tho nahi uthaya. Maine ye toh nahi kaha ki itni chuti hone ke baad bhi usay ye sab kaise pata hai. Maine ye toh nahi kaha ki wo shyd ye sab karti hai isliye—"
(Your hands move much faster than your tongue, so be careful, or I'll cut both. And why are you taking it so badly? I didn't question her character like you do. I didn't even ask how she knows all this, being so young. I didn't say she does all this; that's why—
"NAINA APNI ZABAN PE LAGAM LAGAU," I was saying when I heard my chachi's voice.
(Naina, control your tongue.)
"Lagam wo jo mene ab tak laga rakhi thi wo bhi sirif aur sirif mere papa ke wajha se lekin aaj... Aaj baat sirf unke rishte aur unke samman ki nahi hai; aaj baat meri hai, aur koi bhi mere upar ungli uthayega to main wo ungli hi ukhad kar faik dungi, chahe wo ungli mere apno ki kyu na ho." Saying this, I look at my Papa, who was silently looking at me. Till now, he hasn't said anything to make me feel good, but he doesn't know how his silence is hurting me like ... like he agrees to them, like he is against me, against his own daughter.
(The control that I had maintained till now was only and only because of my father, but today... Today it is not just about their relationship or their respect; today it is about me, and if anyone points a finger at me, I will tear that finger and throw it away, even if that finger belongs to my own people.
"Aap sabhi is baat ko itna badaa kyu bana rahe hai? Meri beti jal ki trha pavitra hai aur mujhe uspe bharosa hai. Wo aisa koi kaam nhi karegi jisse hamara sar sharam se juk jaaye. Me Meri beti ko jaanti ho aur Mujhe uspe wishwas hai. Sun Liya sabne? Mujhe meri beti pe wishwas hai." Maa said with tears in her eyes. I know we fight a lot, but when the time comes, she always stands before me and fights for me.
Why are you all making such a big deal out of this? My daughter is as pure as water, and I trust her. She won't do anything that would make me hang my head in shame. I know my daughter, and I trust her. Did you hear it, everyone? I trust my daughter.
Hearing her words, something pricked in my heart. The moments I have spent with Jack started coming in front of my eyes. Every glance, every closeness, every kiss, every intimate moment we have spent together started flashing in front of my eyes. Willingly or not, I have broken her trust, but only I know the hard work I have to do to achieve all this. Those sleepless nights, long working hours, hours of presentations, and forgetting to eat and whatnot—there is a list that is not going to end.
I did the hard work, but I never felt tired, I never felt I couldn't do this, and I never gave up because I knew that if I wanted to bring change, if I wanted to change my lifestyle, then I had to work hard. I also know that I'm a girl and this situation will come; they will talk about me and about my character in front of me or behind me. I knew this was something they do to satisfy their ego. That a girl can do this much and too much alone in a short period.
I really don't care what others think, say, or do against me. Because I knew that I had my parents with me, for whom I can fight for the whole world. But not even in my dreams did I think that my papa would ever say or think like this about me.
This is what is hurting me so, so, so much. Like it felt like someone was cutting my heart with their words.
You must have heard that.
*Aap duniya se ladh sakte ho apno ke liye.*
*Lekin apno se nhi lad sakte duniya ke liye*
I look at Jack, who is looking at me. Surprisingly, he is not saying anything because I know he understands Hindi, and I also know he has been learning for a long time. So why is he not saying anything?
As if he understood what I'm asking him—that's why he blinked his eyes at me like saying,
"Don't worry, I'm here, not before you, but behind you to hold you when you fall."
I also blinked my eyes at him, then looked at my dad, and then I asked him, which I was scared to ask.
"**Aapko kya lagta hai, Papa? Kya aapko bhi yahi lagta hai ki mene ye paise...galat kaam karke kamaye hai?"**
**(**What do you think, Dad? Do you also think I earned this money...by doing the wrong thing?
With this, the whole room went silent, like everyone was waiting for his answer.
"Bolo Papa, aapki khamoshi mere dil ko aur dukh de rahi hai. Kya aapko bhi yahi lagta hai ki aapki beti aisa kuch kar sakti hai?" I said while looking at him, like showing him how much his silence is hurting me. After, like, some minutes, which felt like an hour, he finally said
(Tell me, Dad, your silence is hurting me even more. Do you also think your daughter could do something like this?
"**Nahi...mujhe nhi lagta ki meri beti ne aisa kuch kiya hai ya fir kabhi karegi."**
**(**No...I don't think my daughter has done anything like that or will do it in the future.)
I look at him with tears in my eyes. After hearing his words, I should feel happy relief, but no, now it's hurting more after thinking that even after saying that, he asked me that question. Why did he do that...?
"Me jaanta ho ki mene aaj tumhe kaafi dukh diya hai gudiya, aur lekin me nahi chahta ki kalko koi tumpe ungli uthaye, bas isliye..."
(I know I've hurt you a lot today, Gudiya, but I don't want anyone to point a finger at you tomorrow, just because...)
"Log **ungliyaa shri krishna ke liye faislo pe uthate hai,**
**Radha maa ke prem pe uthate hai,**
**Mahadev ke aasuyo pe uthate hai,**
**Sita Maa ke pavitrata pe uthate hai,**
**Parvati ka apne prem ke saath dene uthate hai,**
**(**People raise their fingers for Shri Krishna's decision,
They raise their fingers for Mother Radha's love.
They raise their fingers for Mahadev's tears,
They raise their fingers for Mother Sita's purity.
They raise their fingers for Parvati's love.)
"Log bhagwano ke uper ungli uthane se pehle ek baar sochte fir me tho ek insan ho wo bh ladki, mujpe tho har kadam pe ungliya uthegi tho kya un ungliyu ko galat sabit karne ke liye aap mujse sabke saamne sawal karege papa?"
(People think twice before pointing fingers at gods. I'm a human being, and a girl, at that. Fingers will be pointed at me at every step. So, will you question me publicly to prove those fingers wrong, Papa?
"Aaj mujhe is cheez se dukh nhi ho rha ki ye log mujpe sawal utha rahe hai, mere character pe sawal utha rahe hai; mujhe is cheez ka dukh hai ki aaj aap mere saath khade hokar mujhe protect karne ke bajaye in logo ke saath khade hai," I whisper, and tears fall from my eyes.
(Today I am not saddened by the fact that these people are questioning me, questioning my character; no, I am saddened by the fact that today, instead of standing with me and protecting me, you are standing with these people.)
Hearing me, Papa looked away from me. That's when one of my relatives said...
"Bhaiya, aapko wishwas hoga apni ladli par, hame nhi hai. Arey, ye tho apna muh kala karke aai hai samaj me, par hame isi samaaj me rehna hai. Hamare bhi bache hai, unki shadi karani hai, aur kon karega hamare parivar me shadi jaha ek aisi ladki rehti hai jo apna sharir bechti hai?" As they said, I didn't even realise when I took the heavy flashlight in my hand, and the next moment a painful scream rang in the room.
(Brother, you may have faith in your daughter, but we don't. She's come into society with a disgraced face, but we have to live in this society. We also have children; they need to be married off. Who will give us their child, where a girl like her lives who sells her body?

Everyone went toward her and started playing their fake drama of care.
"Naina, tum apni limit cross kar rahi ho," I heard my maa's voice, but now I'm not in my senses.
(Naina, you are crossing your limits.)
"Maa, in logo ne apni limit tho tabhi hi cross kar di thi jab inhone mere Ghar aakar mere hi character pe sawal uthaya tha. Aur tum ye tumhare magarmach ke aaso band karo, samjhi tum? Jab apne muh se itna bolne ki himmat rakhti ho na, to usse hone wale nuksaan ke liye bhi ready raha karo," I said while pointing at that relative.
(Mom, these people crossed their limits the moment they came to my house and questioned my character. And you should shut those tears of yours, do you understand? If you dare to say so much, then be prepared for the consequences that may result.)
Hearing my words, she falls on the sofa like she is going to die from my hit, but the reality is that the flashlight didn't even touch her. That flashlight went from the side of her without even touching her hair. I made a mistake; I should have hit her head with the flashlight.
"BAS BOHOT HO GAYA... BHAIYA AGAR AAP CHAHTE HAI KI HUM YE MAAN LE KI AAPKI BETI PAVITRA HAI, TO USKE LIYE EK RASTA HAI," my bua shouted like a dog. She is—wait, I disrespect dogs by comparing her to them. They are loyal and innocent, not like her.
(That's enough... Brother, if you want us to believe that your daughter is pure, then there is a way for that.
"Aur kya tarika hai, Maya??" My father asked her.
(And what's the way, Maya?)
"Isko doctor ke pass lekar chalo aur iske test karwau," as she said, and everyone agreed with her.
(Take her to the doctor and get her tested.)
Maa looks at Papa with a look like she is telling him to deny this right away. I was also looking at him with a blank face.
Papa looked at me, came in front of me, and joined his hands in front of me.
"Beta, kisi aur ke liye na sahi, apne ye budhe baap ki izzat ke liye jo Maya keh rahi hai wo karne ke liye maan ja."
(Daughter, if not for anyone else, then agree to do whatever Maya is saying for the sake of your old father's respect.)
I wasn't surprised by his words. There were so many times when he chose to stand with his sister rather than his daughter. I looked at him, then said.
"Theek hai, me ye test karne ke liye ready ho, par meri ek shrat hai," I said, hearing my chachi ask.
(Okay, I am ready to test, but I have one condition.)
"Kaisi shrat??"
"Yahi ki agar ye test me pavitra sabit hoti ho tho" (turning toward everyone), "tho aap sab apne ghutno pe bethege, mere saamne apni naak ragdege, aur aaj aap sabne jo meri beizzati ki hai uske liye maafi mangege. Agar aap sabko ye manzoor hai, to main ye test ke liye bhi ready hu." Saying this, I sat on the sofa like a queen.
(That is, if this test proves to be pure (turning toward everyone), then you will all get down on your knees, rub your noses, and apologise for the insults you have caused me today. If you all agree to this, then I am ready for this test as well.)
Everyone looks at each other, then at me. Just when my bua was about to start her shouting session. I interrupt her.
"Kya hua? Himmat nhi ho rahi sharat maanne ki hmm??..."
(What's wrong? Don't you have the courage to accept the bet? Hmm?)
"Kamaal hai, aap sabme itni himmat hai ki aap sab apne saraa kaam kaaj chhod kar yaha aaye aur aaye tho aaye, mera character certificate bhi mangne ki himmat ki, lekin abhi mene ek choti si shart rakhi hai wo maanne me aap sabki ..." Fat Rahi hai " saying this i smirk.
(It is amazing; you all have so much courage that you all left all your work and came here, and after arriving here, you even dared to ask for my character certificate, but now I have put a small condition, and you all are refusing to accept it.)
I knew they were not going to agree on this, as for them, their so-called respect is more important.
"Hum aisa kuch nhi maanege ya karege," one of my relatives said.
(We will not accept or do anything like that.)
"Tho aapni gattar jaisi soch aur chehra leker NIKAL JAAIYE MERE GHAR SE AUR FIR KABHI YAHA KADAM MAT RAKHIYEGA," I shout and point toward the door.
(So get out of my house with your gutter-like thinking and face and never set foot here again.)
Their faces immediately turned red in anger. They must have thought that there would be drama that they would enjoy while drinking chai, and I would react like a shui mui ladki aur ganga jamna baha kar khudko prove karugi. No, I'm not a girl who will let anyone play with my self-respect or with me in the name of society. I only know how to make people cry, not cry in front of them.
My chachi and bua look at me like they want to kill me then and there. But they don't know what I will do to them for hurting my self-respect. If they are thinking I'm going to listen to their bullshit, then they are wrong.
All of them took their bachi kuchi izzat and left the house.
As they left, Jack, who had been silent till now, went and closed the door.
The whole room is silent; even the sound of the clock can be heard. Slowly, I turned toward my papa and said.
"Papa, Aap har baar kehte thy ki aap mere hero ho. Aap mujhe hamesha protect karoge tho...tho Aaj aap chup kyu thy... Kyu aapko mere liye kuch nhi bola...kyu, Papa? Aaj aapne mujhse ye sawal kiya. Ye sirf mere character pe sawal nhi tha; ye mere...meri puri zindagi pe sawal tha, mere sapne, meri mehnat, mere vajud pe sabpe uthaya hai."
(Papa, you always say you're my hero. You'll always protect me...so why were you quiet today...why didn't you say anything about me...why, Papa? Today you asked me this question. It wasn't just a question about my character; it was a question about my...my entire life, my dreams, my hard work, my existence.
" Beta me jaanta ho..." He was saying when I cut him off.
(I know better...)
"BAS... Bas papa, ek aur society, respect, naam, log—ye bahane mujhe nhi sunna. Arey kaha thi ye society ye log jab hum ek ek roti ke tukde ke liye ladte thy? Kaha thy ye jab barish me hamare shat behti thi aur hum gile farsh pe sote thy? Kaha thy ye log jab Hume paiso ki jarurat padhti thi? Kaha thy? Bolo papa, kaha thy ye? Jab ye log hamari dukh me hamare saath nhi thy tho...tho inko haq nhi hai hamari Khushi me dakhal dene ka bilkul nahi hai. "
(That's it, Papa—another society, respect, name, people—I don't want to listen to these excuses. Where were these people, this society, when we used to fight for a piece of bread? Where were these people when it rained and we used to sleep on the wet floor? Where were these people when we needed money? Where were they? Tell me, Papa, where were they? When these people were not with us in our sorrow, then...then they have no right to interfere in our happiness, absolutely not.)
Maa was crying inside. On any other day, she would have made fun of me or fought with me, but now...now she is silent, not because she can't, but because she is stuck between her husband and daughter. I can't even blame her because I know I don't need anyone to fight for me.
"Meri zindagi hamesha se hi ek khuli kitab jaisi rahi hai. Jiske har pane ko aapko apne haatho se likha hai. Naina kaha jaayegi kaha nhi jaayegi, kya pehnegi kya nhi pehnegi, kisse milegi kisse nhi milegi, meri zindagi ka har decision aapne liya hai har ek chis ka fir bhi...fir bhi aaj aapne..." Saying this, I stopped in the middle.
"Par meri zindagi ka mazak banane ka, uspe tipri dene ka, mere character pe sawal uthane ka haq mene kisiko nhi diya hai, kisiko nahi...aapko bhi nahi...samjhe aap. Nahi hai aapko haq is trha sabke saamne mujhe zalil karne ka. Aapko kya lagta hai ki me unke saamne kuch bol nhi sakti thi... "Me chahti tho usi waqt aapko dikhati ki log aapki beti se darte kyu hai, par me chup thi...jaante hai kyu...kyuki aap mere papa ho." As I said this, tears started falling from my eyes.
(But I haven't given anyone the right to make fun of my life, to criticise it, or to question my character. No one...not even you...do you understand? You don't have the right to humiliate me like this in front of everyone. Do you think I couldn't say anything in front of them...? I wanted to; I could have shown you at that very moment why people are afraid of your daughter, but I remained silent...you know why...because you're my father.)
"A...aap meri...meri duniya ho. Me duniya se ladh sakti ho lekin apni duniya se kaise ladu kaise...."
"Y...you are my...my world. I can fight the world, but how can I fight my own world?..."
"Me sabko chila chila ke kehti thi ki mere papa duniya ke best papa hai...par aaj...Aaj aapne mujhe niraash kar diya, Papa." Saying this, I opened the door of the house and went outside.
(I used to tell everyone that my father is the best father in the world...but today...today you disappointed me, Father.)
I didn't realise where I was going, who was looking at me, or who was calling me; I just ran as fast as I could.
After some time, I was sitting in front of the Kaali Mandir.
I don't know what I'm feeling, but I can't forget that look of Papa.
"Hey Maa, kyu...kyu ham ladkiyo ki zindagi me itna dukh Diya hai tumne kyu." Kyu ham ladkiyo ko kadam kadam par ek nai ladai ladni padhti hai kyu...kyu hamari zindagi me itna...itna dukh hai," I whisper while crying.
(Hey Maa, why...why have you given us girls so much pain in our lives? Why do we girls have to fight a new battle at every step? Why...why is there so much...so much pain in our lives?
That's when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and looked behind where Jack was standing. Looking at him, I didn't realise when tears started falling.
I immediately hugged him and cried... cried like a child.
"You...you know na, Jack, how...how much hard...hard work I have done to achieve everything... You have seen everything from the start." I was hiccupping while crying.
I felt his hand on my head and back.
"Shh... I know whatever you did, everything was achieved by your own hard work, and I'm proud of you for this. Today... Today, the way you stand for yourself is alone proves how capable you are to break people's faces. I am really proud of my Amore." Saying this, he kissed my head and hugged me tightly.
Peace, finally, i felt peace..
We were sitting there when my phone rang, I saw it was Maa who was calling.. i look at the name, then after some time, I answer the call.
"Beta...Beta jaldi aaja tere papa ko kuch ho raha hai jaldi aa " I heard my maa's panicked voice, then a voice of something falling, and then my Maa's scream. With this, I felt like everything stopped around me.
("daughter...Daughter, come quickly. Something is happening to your father. Come quickly.")
___________________________________________________________________
**Remember akele aaye hai akele hi jana hai, don't expect someone else to stand for you. No one takes a stand for someone now, not even your own parents. Don't find your protector in someone else; be your own protector. Itna strong bano ki saamne wala tumhari uper ungli uthana tho kya nazar utha ke bhi na dekha.. Speak for yourself, don't bear everything silently for anything. Because only your self-respect is something you carry with yourself**
**You don't need a male lead to protect yourself...**
(Remember, there is only one way and only one is known; don't expect someone else to stand for you. No one takes a stand for someone now, not even your own parents. Don't find your protector in someone else; be your own protector. The person in front of you with such a strong personality wouldn't even look at you if you pointed a finger at him. Speak for yourself; don't bear everything silently for anything. Because only your self-respect is something you carry with yourself.

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Also, you all must be waiting for Jack's reaction, so I'm sorry to disappoint you; the best decision at that moment was to stay silent. If he had said anything, the situation would have become more intense; that's why there is no reaction from Jack here.
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