Chapter Thirty-six

**SASHA**
“What do you say to a child you haven’t seen in the last ten years?” I thought to myself as I sat on the only chair in the almost barren hospital room, Sasha staring blankly at me.
I swallowed, my throat dry, trying to find the right words. But there were none. How could there be? The last time I’d seen her, she had been just a child, innocent and full of hope. And now? Now she was a stranger to me: angry, hurt, and filled with the kind of bitterness that only abandonment can bring.
In the corner of the room, Oliver leaned against the wall, his eyes filled with skepticism. I smiled wryly to myself as I looked into her eyes. She shared the same blue with Oliver, blond hair, and a button nose.
“Hi, Sasha,” I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper.
She stared at me with icy blue eyes that mirrored my own, her expression unreadable, and for a moment, I could almost believe she was still that sweet little girl. Almost. But then her lips curled into a sneer, and the illusion shattered.
“Nice of you to show up, you bitch.”
The venom in her voice caught me off guard, and I flinched as though she had struck me. It wasn’t the words that hurt, it was the raw pain behind them. Pain that I had caused.
“Sasha, I…”
“Save it,” she snapped, cutting me off before I could even begin. “You don’t get to come in here and pretend like you care. You left me. You abandoned me.” Her voice cracked, just slightly, but she quickly recovered, her anger flaring up again. “Where were you when I needed you?”
My chest tightened, guilt flooding through me. She had every right to be angry. I had failed her in the worst possible way, and no amount of apologies would ever be enough to undo the damage I had done.
“I…I thought I was doing the right thing,” I said, my voice shaking. “I thought I was protecting you.”
“Protecting me?” she laughed, a bitter, hollow sound. “Is that what you call it? Disappearing from my life without a word? Leaving me to wonder if I’d ever see you again. That’s not protection, that’s abandonment.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I blinked them back, refusing to cry. Not now. Not in front of her. I didn’t have the right to break down when she was the one who had been hurt.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” I said, my voice small. “Your father—he was dangerous. I was scared.”
Sasha’s eyes narrowed, and she crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back against the pillows with a look of disdain. “Scared? Of what? Him? Or the truth?”
I bit my lip, struggling to find the right words. The truth. She was right. I had been scared of the truth—scared of what would happen if it ever came out. But I had also been terrified of the man I had married, the man who had controlled every aspect of my life until I finally found the courage to leave. And in leaving, I had made the hardest choice of all…to leave Sasha behind.
“I was scared of everything,” I admitted, my voice barely audible. “Scared of him. Scared of what he might do if he found out about you. Scared of losing you. But in trying to protect you, I lost you anyway.”
Sasha looked away, her jaw clenched tight, and for a moment, I thought she might not say anything. But then she spoke, her voice quieter this time, but no less angry.
“I needed you,” she whispered. “I needed my mother, and you weren’t there. Do you have any idea what that felt like? To be left behind, with no explanation, no answers? I had to grow up without you. I had to learn to fend for myself.”
I felt like my heart was being torn in two. I had known she would be angry, but I hadn’t realized just how deep her hurt ran. And now, sitting here in front of her, I realized that I had no idea how to fix it.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. “I know that doesn’t make up for anything, but I am. I wish I could go back and do things differently, but I can’t. All I can do is try to make it right now.”
Sasha finally looked back at me, her eyes hard. “Make it right? How are you going to make up for ten years, Mom? How are you going to make up for everything I went through?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, tears burning at the back of my eyes. “I don’t know how to make it right. But I want to try. I want to be here for you now if you’ll let me.”
Sasha’s lips trembled, and for the briefest moment, I thought I saw something soften in her gaze. But it was gone just as quickly, replaced by the same cold, hard anger she had shown me from the beginning.
“I don’t need you,” she said flatly. “I’ve done just fine without you.”
I nodded, trying to keep my emotions in check. “I know you have. You’re strong, Sasha. You always were.”
For a moment, there was silence between us, the weight of everything that had been left unsaid hanging heavy in the air. I didn’t know what else to say. I had come here hoping that I could somehow make things better, but now, sitting here in front of her, I realized that it wasn’t that simple. I couldn’t just waltz back into her life and expect everything to be okay.
“Why now?” Sasha asked suddenly, her voice cutting through the quiet. “Why did you come back now? After all this time?”
I hesitated, unsure of how to answer. How could I explain that I had spent years running from my fear? That I had convinced myself that staying away was the best thing for her? That I had finally realized, too late, that I was wrong?
“I…I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had,” I said finally. “But then, when I found out what had happened, I couldn’t stay away anymore. I couldn’t leave you alone.”
Sasha’s eyes flashed with anger again. “You didn’t want to hurt me? You did hurt me! You hurt me more than anyone else ever could.”
I nodded, unable to argue. She was right. “I know,” I whispered. “And I’m so, so sorry.”
Sasha turned her head away, staring at the sterile white walls of the hospital room. For a moment, I thought the conversation was over, that there was nothing more to say. But then she spoke again, her voice low and bitter.
“Do you even care about him?”
I frowned, confused. “Who?”
“My father,” she spat. “Joshua. The man you left me with. The man you were fucking at some point in your life.”
My heart sank. Of course. Joshua. The man who had raised her, the man who had been in her life when I hadn’t. I knew this moment would come eventually, but I still wasn’t prepared for it. The only man I had ever truly loved.
“I cared about him once,” I said carefully. “But things between us…they weren’t what they seemed.”
Sasha’s eyes snapped back to mine, sharp and accusing. “What’s that supposed to mean? You loved him, didn’t you? Or were you just using him too?”
Her words stung, and I flinched as though she had physically struck me. “I wasn’t using him,” I said softly. “But things between us were complicated. I thought I was doing what was best for you by leaving, but I didn’t realize the kind of man he had become.”
Sasha’s expression darkened, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. “He wasn’t perfect, but at least he stayed. At least he didn’t abandon me.”
I swallowed hard, my chest tight. I didn’t know what kind of relationship she had with Joshua, but I could tell that, despite everything, she still had some loyalty to him. And I couldn’t blame her for that. He had been there for her when I hadn’t.
“I’m not asking you to choose between us,” I said quietly. “I just want you to know that I’m here now. If you need me.”
Sasha’s jaw tightened, and for a long moment, she didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what was going through her mind, but I could see the struggle on her face, the war between the anger she felt towards me and the part of her that still longed for a mother’s love.
Finally, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t need you. But maybe…maybe one day, I’ll want you.”
It wasn’t forgiveness. It wasn’t the reunion I had hoped for. But it was something, a small crack in the wall she had built around herself.
And for now, that was enough.