Chapter Eighty-two

**OLIVER** 
I hadn’t expected Gabriel’s call and I never thought in all my existence that one phone call could destabilize my life so much. When the call came in, I stared at my phone as it rang on the kitchen counter, doubting my sanity, my heart beating heavily in my chest as I wondered if it was truly him. 
All it had taken was one phone call. How selfish could a human being be? I had managed to build a new life, a life where I didn’t like him every day, a certain kind of stability, one where I was able to function and be happy without blaming myself for him not being there with me…by my side. I closed my eyes against the memory as I remembered how I had cried myself to sleep that fateful night, thinking to myself how much I had missed him, realizing just how much I had wanted to hear his voice. I had hugged my pillow to sleep as I remembered how his touch felt, his skin against mine his lips, the way he held me against himself. 
It had taken one phone call. Just one phone call, and he had managed to throw my life back to what it was. It felt good, and at the same time, it felt like a spear had been thrust through my heart. 
I held my phone in a death grip as I lay down in my bed, resisting the urge to call him, to hear his voice again, to get my fix for the day. I was fighting against every instinct I had…and I was losing. Downstairs, I could hear Carrie moving around, the aroma of food drifted around the house alongside the sound of her humming a children’s tune. I was jealous. She had no one giving her the stress anger and anxiety that Gabriel derived joy in inflicting on me. I wondered what that felt like. 
I heard Carrie as she climbed up the stairs, the stairs creaking under her weight, and soon the doors opened and I was assaulted with the aroma of fried fish. 
“Hey,” she said cheerily in a sing-song voice. “Lunch is ready!” 
I spared her a glance and then shook my head sadly. “No, sorry. I’m not hungry.” 
A frown graced my face as I thought of just how much one man had affected my life. So much so that it had become difficult for me to eat. I had no desire to shove anything into my mouth, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to exist. I cursed Gabriel under my breath as I slid under the covers. 
“It’s your favorite,” Carrie said, her voice even more cheery than the last time. 
I sighed heavily and shook my head. “No. Sorry.” 
“That’s not good,” she said to herself and entered my room, shutting the door behind her. 
I continued facing the window, lacking the energy to turn around, and being too comfortable to consider moving. So I just lay there, wrapped like a potato as she sat beside me on the bed, and ever so gently placed her hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, her soft hand soothing to the touch. 
“What’s the problem, Oliver?” She asked softly, her voice compelling me to answer. “You know you can always talk to me, right?” 
I chuckled and shook her hand away from my shoulder. “Why do you think there is a problem?” 
“You haven’t eaten well since yesterday,” she answered. “You didn’t have breakfast either, and now you’re saying you aren’t hungry, when in fact you should be very hungry. This isn’t like you.” 
I sighed heavily and turned to face Carrie, appreciative of the time and effort she had taken into caring for me. Into being a reliable shoulder. No matter how hard I tried, it was still so difficult for me to believe that we had managed to become what we were seeing as we had started on a rocky foot. And sometimes, I am inclined to believe that. 
I sighed heavily and threw a smile at Carrie. “I promise that I’m fine, Carrie.” 
She rolled her eyes at me, a clear indicator that she didn’t believe me. “Talk to me. What’s the problem? Is this about Gabriel?” She asked. 
My sharp intake of breath at the mention of his name causes Carrie’s hand to freeze on my shoulder. I smiled up at her reassuringly, trying my best to prove to her that I was fine, that it was okay. Maybe if I did a good enough job, I would believe it too and I would be fine. 
“So, it’s because of him. Tell me what happened.” 
I sighed. “He called me…on the phone…” 
Carrie nodded slowly, digesting that information. “Isn’t that a good thing?” She asked. “You didn’t want him to call you?” 
I opened my mouth to speak but words failed me. So instead I just stared up at her, my lips quivering and my eyes brimming with tears. J cleared my throat and wiped my eyes and cheeks with the covers. 
“Oh, you poor thing…” she said as she changed positions and slid under the covers next to me. 
We lay there, face to face, our eyes seeing things…saying things… 
“What did he say?” Carrie asked. 
I took a deep breath and told her everything. I told her how he had apologized for leaving, and apologized for the way he left. I told her how he had sounded distraught on the phone which had only made things worse for me, because it took everything inside me to not comfort him, to not tell him that it was okay, that his sins were forgiven. I told her how I had listened to him, and barely spoke a word, somehow I was both elated to hear his voice and saddened by it. And then I told her how he had told me that he loved me and I hadn’t said it back because I didn’t feel like he meant it. By the time I was done speaking, my chest felt much lighter, like a heavy load had been lifted off of it. 
“He apologized a lot…” I said after a load of silence. 
Carrie smiled, and her hand reached up and tangled in my hair. My eyes closed in pure ecstasy as her fingers found my scalp and began to massage. My eyes fluttered close as I enjoyed the sensation, allowing my mind to go blank for just a few seconds. 
“Well, maybe it’s because he’s truly sorry, don’t you think?” 
I scoffed. If he was truly sorry, he would be here, right next to me, not in Crystal Cove calling me to tell me how much he loved me, how he regretted leaving me…and still not next to him. To me, that didn’t make sense. 
“If he was as sorry as he claimed to be, he would be right here with me, Carrie. But he isn’t.” 
Carrie’s hand strayed from my hair to my cheek. “How do you feel, Oliver?” 
I shook my head. “Hurt.” 
Carrie smiled. “It’s okay to feel that way.” 
Carrie’s hand gently massaged my face, and moved to my hair again, alternating between both spots. Tears spring to my eyes, and I immediately blinked them back. 
“I’ve missed him so much, Carrie…” 
“Did you tell him?” 
I chuckled and shook my head. “No. I didn’t want to look stupid,” I said. “He was the one who left me. He didn’t call me for weeks on end…” 
I sighed heavily as Carrie’s ministrations intensified, and then she moved even closer to me. “Maybe he has realized the errors of his ways?” 
I scoffed. “If he had realized the sorrow of his ways, he would be here right now, Carrie.” 
Carrie opens her mouth to speak and then closes it and simply shrugs. As though the words were too heavy for her lips to utter. We lay there in comfortable silence, and a part of me was a tad shocked that we were lying so close together, but then again, I felt comfortable, it felt good to know that she was there, that I was not alone. That I had the support that Gabriel was currently denying me. It will never cease to amaze me just how much things have changed. Laughter bubbles inside me and out through my mouth. 
“What’s funny?” She asked. 
I shrugged. “Oh, nothing. It’s just…you’re the reason all of this is happening,” I said. “I’m just amused by the irony of the whole situation.” 
A slow smile spread across Carrie’s face. “Then let me make it worth your while.” 
I lay still, unable to stop her advance as she leaned in for a kiss. My eyes fluttered close as her lips touched mine and lingered. I could feel, a heady rush that flowed through me at her touch. 
Carrie moved even closer to me, so much so that I could feel the heat from her body through the covers. Her slender fingers wrapped around the back of my head and she leaned in again and kissed me, her lips sucked softly on mine, causing a sigh to escape my lips. 
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn’t believe that I was letting it happen. I placed my hand on her waist to push me away, but my hand just lay there, hanging limply as she had her way with my lips. 
My mind strayed to Gabriel, and I immediately pushed him to the back of my mind. Why did he get to do whatever it was he wanted, to drive off to wherever, and leave me alone? Why did he get to apologize only once and expect a willing dog to run back to him? 
I gasped as Carrie sat up in the bed threw the covers off of us to the floor and straddled me. She sat atop, staring down at me, our eyes having a silent communication and then a silent agreement. I pulled her down into my arms, and kissed her, accepting her into my bed as our bodies danced. 
At that point, Gabriel was the farthest from my mind.