Chapter Eighty

**OLIVER** 
I smiled as I stood in the backyard, in my hand a small, earthen pot containing incense, and in the other, a bottle of dry gin. I looked up at the full moon shining brightly down, as though approving of my night mission. I sighed and walked down the porch stairs, and allowed my feet to guide me through the very familiar footpath through the forest, the moon shining down guiding my way, my heart lacking the heaviness and sadness that had followed me for a long while. For the first time in a long while, I felt light…I felt free. 
I smiled as I approached the river, and realized to myself that it had been a very long while since I had come here to give supplication. A part of me had been very angry with the river goddess and blamed her for everything. I still blame her. It was all her fault. But maybe she had recognized the error of her ways, maybe I had been able to get through to her and make her see the error of her ways, maybe she had decided for once not to be selfish. That was the only explanation for the sudden change in Carrie’s behavior in recent times. 
I sighed and waddled into the water until I was waist-deep with the earthen pot and let it float on the water. I sighed and took in deep breaths of the essence as I lit it, and allowed it to continue floating on the water while I poured supplications and praises to the goddess, pouring the dry gin into the water. I could feel it, her presence, her approval as the incense burned and the last drop of gin sojourned from the bottle into the river. 
Hopefully, that was enough for her to continue being on her best behavior. I lowered myself down to the river back and raised my knees to my chest with my hands wrapped around them and my eyes closed. I allowed myself to enjoy the sounds of the night and the kinds of the river flowing. The moon was shining above, I was finally at peace, and all was well with the world again. 
My eyes shot open when I heard leaves ruffle behind me. I turned around sharply to see Shanice standing behind me with a small smile on her face. I raised my hand to my chest and let out a soft sigh, thinking to myself how I would never be able to get used to Shanice’s sneaking. 
“You need to stop this, Shanice!” I said. 
Shanice giggled and moved into the light, the rays of the moonlight illuminating her silver hair. “What? I did nothing!” 
“You need to stop sneaking up on me like that!” I said and smiled, her joy infectious. 
“But where’s the fun in that?” She asked mischievously as she joined me and sat on the river bank. “You need to do better and be more aware of your surroundings is the way I see it.” 
Shanice sat with her legs straightened out and the balls of her feet in the flowing river. She took a deep breath, dragging the scent of incense into her lungs. 
“You burner incense?” She asked, seemingly impressed. 
I nodded with a small smile playing on my lips. “Yes, you like it?” 
She nodded, her eyes beaming with pride and approval. “Yes. It’s lovely.” 
We both sit in silence. Pregnant silence. Without a word being said, I could tell that there was more she wanted to say. Something weighing heavy on her chest. I stood a glanced at her, and the purse of her lips and the downward turn of her furrowed brows gave me my conclusion. I took a deep breath, wondering to myself if I wanted to ask her to spit it out. We haven’t seen eye to eye on recent occasions, and the night was too peaceful to mess it up. 
The silence got worse, I could no longer enjoy the sounds of the night and the peaceful flow of the river. Her unasked questions were like a heavy dark cloud above our heads, threatening to rain down fire, rain, and brimstones. 
I sighed heavily and decided to just bite the bullet, and get on with it. 
“What’s the problem, Shanice?” I asked. 
Her dead eyes shifted from the water to my face, her eyes unfocused. “Huh?” 
I rolled my eyes. “Just speak up and let’s get over it, Shanice,” I implored. 
Shanice shifted on the moist ground. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Oliver…” 
“C’mon, if I listen hard enough, I can almost hear your thoughts.” 
Shanice threw her head back and laughed, the sound of her amusement blending perfectly with the sounds of nature, almost becoming one. “I mean…you’re right, I do want to ask you something.” 
I nodded my head slowly, and rubbed my hands together, already dreading the outcome of this conversation. “It’s going to ruin my evening, isn’t it?” 
Shanice shrugs. “Maybe…” she answers solemnly. 
“Fine. What’s the problem?” 
“Tell me about Carrie.” 
My brows furrowed in confusion, as my brain registered her question. Her question, as simplistic as it sounded, presented itself as complex. What did she mean? Did she want me to give her a full account of who Carrie was, her background, and her family? Was she asking me about Carrie’s health and if she was eating and sleeping well? Or was she asking me if I had fucked Carrie and managed to plant my seed in her womb? 
What did she mean? Why would she ask me that? Why would she want to know?! 
“Umm…she’s fine,” I answered slowly. “She should be asleep now.” 
Shanice’s lips pursed and she rolled her eyes. “You know that wasn’t what I was asking you, Oliver.” 
My mouth opened to speak, but words failed me, so I simply looked at the older woman seated next to me, her body turned to mine, and her lips turned in a downward turn. 
“Well, what do you mean?” 
Shanice rolled her eyes. “How is Carrie, Oliver?” She asked again, her hands flailing wildly over her body and in the wind. 
The rosy hue of her cheeks under the moonlight was my biggest clue and I smiled wryly to myself as her question began to take form and shape. I watched her gesticulate, thinking how I would have found her funny if this wasn’t about me and my life. 
I took a deep breath, deciding to myself that it had gone on long enough. “Are you asking me if I’m fucking Carrie?” 
The rosy hue on her cheeks brightened, and she frowned. “Yes. That’s exactly what I’m asking you.” 
I sighed heavily and looked up at the night sky, asking myself why I had come to the river when I knew that there was a tiny chance that I would run into Shanice…and she would ask me this sort of question. 
“Why would you want to know that?” I asked, still somewhat appalled by the boldness. “Why are you so bothered by who I fuck?” 
Shanice rolled her eyes and groaned. “You and I know very well that I couldn’t care less about who you decide to fuck, Oliver!” She said in an exasperated tone. “I am more concerned about the wishes of the goddess!” 
I held back a heavy sigh and turned to face Shanice. “Don’t you think you’re being too serious about this whole thing? You’re not the goddess, Shanice! Why are you so fucking concerned? Are you sure you don’t want to give the goddess her vessel yourself?!” 
I threw my head back and laughed at my joke, stopping only when I saw that Shanice wasn’t laughing with me. Rather, her face had gone stony, and the hard ridges of her lips were set in a hard, straight line. 
Shanice’s nose flared, and she rose to her feet in anger. “Why am I so concerned?! You’re nothing but a privileged child who’s had everything handed to them since birth!” 
“Shanice…I’m sorry…” 
“I would gladly carry the goddess’s vessel if she demands it of me. It would be an honor!” She yelled, her voice echoing through the night. “After all she has done for us, it is the least I could do.” 
Shanice was free in a deep breath to calm her fraying nerves and raised her hand to touch her lip, her eyes distant, as though being transported back to a dark time. 
“Oh, you weren’t there…you weren’t there when we had just moved here when Gabriel had just left his pack and gathered us here. We never lacked food because of her,” Shanice said. “The water would overflow its banks with fishes, our trees were never void of fruits no matter the season. She is the reason we didn’t die of hunger and starvation in the period it took for this place to become what it is now.” 
“I’m sorry…” 
“This place was barren, Oliver!” She continued, completely disregarding my apology. “This place was a wasteland but she transformed it for us! And all she asks for…all she asks for is a vessel…and you can’t even do that!” 
“Shanice—“ 
“And you claim to love Gabriel,” she spat. 
“I understand that, but isn’t this a little too much?” I asked, still not convinced enough. “She’s asking for a whole child!” 
“It can never be too much!” She screeched. 
I opened my mouth to say something, to counter her, but the look of unadulterated anger in her eyes told me that it wouldn’t be a good idea. I loved how Shanice was always passionate about Gabriel and the pack, but I hated how she always seemed to antagonize me on decisions that seemed a little too high-handed. 
“I’m sorry, Shanice. Truly. I didn’t know that this was that important to you.” 
Shanice didn’t respond, rather she turned on her heel and retraced her steps through the forest back to her home, huffing and puffing and swearing. I sighed heavily when she was out of sight, and lay back on the river bank, feeling the beginnings of a headache. The incense that had once served to relax me was now a source of discomfort, and I looked at the earthen pot I had sat on the bank with me in disgust. 
I took a deep breath and rose to my feet, deciding that enough fun had been had for the night, and it was simply time for me to go back to bed. As I retraced my steps through the forest, I found myself thinking of everything that Shanice had said, and wondering how bad it must have been for them to be ever so willing to give such a big sacrifice. Haven grew up rich, with everything I ever wanted given to me on a silver platter, I couldn’t relate to that struggle, and I felt a pang of guilt in my chest that I might have mocked Shanice. 
I pushed all thoughts to the back of my head as I slid into bed, more than happy to retire for the night.