Chapter 31 End of Book 1

Until now I still can‘t believe the confrontation that I had with Jester.

After that conversation, I immediately left that place. I just texted Charles and said I would go first and I wanted to be alone.

The only thing that I want right now is to be alone for me to think. My mind and my heart are in chaos. I don't know what to do anymore.

I am here now in the province of my adopted parents. My Aunt Belle was shocked when she saw me at the door of her house.

When I was with my adopted parents I often went here for a vacation. Aunt Belle is alone in life. She got married but the Lord immediately took it back from her. Since then, she has not been married.

Almost all of my cousins ​​are close to Aunt Belle. She's like a mother to us. Maybe because Aunt Belle has no children so we are close to her.

Even though Mindoro is far away we are always here during long holidays.

I know Aunt Belle knows I have a problem. Because she knew that I will not be here for no reason.

I told Aunt Belle that she should not let my parents know that I am here.

I know that as soon as they find out that I am here they will come to me.

I did not tell anyone that Jester and I had a conversation even with Charles who I always told my secrets to.

I do not know what I am feeling right now. My heart and brain seem numb.

Jester loves me... I love him too and I love Andrew too.

"Aaaahhhh! WHY IS IT DIFFICULT TO LOVE? CAN'T YOU LOVE EACH OTHER AND THAT'S IT?! THERE ARE NO OTHER OBSTACLES AND THERE ARE NO OTHER DIFFICULTIES?!" I shouted angrily.

I know that between Jester and Andrew, I should choose Andrew. Because with Andrew there's no complication, no hassle. I love him too. But I could not understand myself. My heart and mind are troubled because of the conversation Jester and I had.

And I feel guilty because I feel sorry for Jester and me.

"In life problems exist to strengthen us, while in love problems exist to strengthen the relationship."

I turned to the person who spoke. "Aunt Belle." Embarrassed I said.

Gosh, Aunt Belle heard all the things that I said! I feel so embarrassed.

'Alli your mom called and she is looking for you. As what you asked me to, I did not tell them that you are here. I know you have a reason why you wanted time to be alone. But I hope you could tell them you are safe because they are all worried about you." Aunt said seriously.

I smiled. "Thanks, Aunt Belle."

"What's your problem?"

I gasped. "Auntie, have you ever experienced loving someone, at first you thought that love was only one-sided and then you suddenly found out that it was mutual. But the catch is, you found it out when it's already too late because both of you are already committed with someone else."

Aunt Belle sits beside me. "Is this about your college crush?"

I bent down and nodded. Aunt knew about Jester. Apart from Charles, I also tell Aunt Belle about my problem, especially my love life.

I told him about the confrontation Jester and I had. And my mind who is now confused.

"Alli things happen for a reason. I believe that if you are meant for each other, you will still be in the end. But if he is not the person God has chosen for you, no matter how much you both love each other, something will happen for you to be with the person you are meant to be with." She softly said.

I thought of what Aunt had said. "Maybe you are right Aunt Belle. Because if all this didn't happen, Andrew and I wouldn't be together now." I said smiling.

But I immediately lost sight of the reason I came here.

'But Aunt Belle is it right to feel regretful because of what happened to me and Jester? And I somehow wish that we could bring back the time for us to correct things." I asked.

I could not stop my tears from flowing. I want to hurt myself because I have done nothing but cry.

"If you ask me what you feel right now is normal. You long for that thing to happen. It's just that in your case you knew all that when it's already too late. But that doesn't mean you should doubt your love for your boyfriend now."

"Aunt I don't know. I'm guilty and confused. What if there was no Rachel in Jester's life when he said that last night? Will I still choose Andrew?"

That's the thing I want to answer. I want to make sure if Andrew is still the one I choose and not Jester in case Rachel is not in her life?

"I do not know because I do not hold your heart. I think you just need a break. It is also difficult for you to continue your relationship with such a mess in your mind and heart. It is better to fix yourself first before you fix your relationship with him." Aunt Belle said in a serious tone.

***

I am here at Alli's house and I am waiting for her. I knew she would see the man she had loved before.

I know that I will have a hard time sleeping from thinking about Alli. I wanted to know what happens at their reunion and I want to be sure that I am still the one she loves and the one she chose.

I know that Alli will be coming anytime soon. As time went by I became more and more nervous. But I want to trust her. I want to trust our love for each other.

I suddenly stood up when I heard the car arrive outside Alli's house.

I immediately opened the door to greet them.

I frowned when I saw that Charles had just gotten out of the car. And I was even more nervous when I saw Charles' worried face.

"Charles where's Alli?" I immediately asked him.

He averted his eyes from me.

My eyes widened. "Charles answer me!" I could not stop raising my voice.

"She's gone." Stuttering Charles said.

"What do you mean she's gone?" I said nervously.

He just bowed and did not answer.

I can not control myself. I grab his collar. "Answer me, Charles! What do you mean she is gone!" I said angrily.

He looked at me. "She suddenly disappeared from the party. She just texted me that she already left and she wanted to be alone."

I furrowed. "Why she wants to be alone?"

"I think Jester talks to her and he confesses to her." He said.

"C-confess?" I asked.

"Yes. And I think that she's confused with her feelings that's why she's gone." I saw that he feel sorry for me.

I feel weakened and release my hand from grabbing his collar.

"She's just confused. She just needs time to clear her mind." He said.

'Why is she confused? Am I not enough? Is our love not enough?"

***

A week has passed. Aunt Belle is right. I need a break.

I immediately said goodbye to Aunt Belle and called my parents.

I met them at a nearby restaurant of our company.

"Mom, Dad I hope you understand. I need to do this." I said sadly.

Mommy held my hand. "I know honey. But what about Andrew? Aren't you going to let him know about your plan?"

I lower my head. Tears begin to form in my eyes again. "I can't."

"Princess. You need to talk to him. It's the least that you can do for him." Dad said in a serious tone.

I heaved a sigh. "I know Dad, I know. But I can't. I can't do it. I feel so guilty."

"Honey..." Mom said almost crying.

She hugged me and I couldn't stop myself from crying.

"Shhh, honey ... It's okay. Everything will be okay." My mommy said to comfort me.

After I cried I fixed myself. My parents accompanied me to the airport.

I hugged my parents. I knew it would be a long time before I could hug them again and see them.

I gave Mommy my letter to Andrew. I hope he understands my decision. And I hope he can still wait for me.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I boarded the plane.

By Andrew... For now...