Chapter 34

****This chapter contains Explicit Sexual Content. Readers discretion is advised****

It had been 6 months since Clark and I had broken our bond. Dad told me that Clark asked to be cut off from the pack and moved back up to where his dad was. I hadn’t heard from him in months and honestly, I was in a lot of pain. Kona was supportive but still heartbroken. My body was becoming weak and I tried to downplay the effect of Clark’s departure.

We still hadn’t found out how the rogues attacked the Silver Moon Pack. After 6 months of no more attacks, Alpha Cowan requested to go back to their territory. We fixed all the damages and finally agreed to a treaty with Alpha Walter. After moving the pack back, I left a few HQ warriors there just in case something did go wrong.

After their departure, HQ became very quiet. Initially, the Headquarters was created for the Southern Territory Alpha. It was located at the centre of the southern territory so that the Alpha was able to reach any pack in trouble quickly. As time progressed and packs became more peaceful, the Alpha didn’t have to travel so much. After the title was passed down to me, I decided to stay at my pack and manage from there and used HQ as a storage facility. But after spending 6 months here, it was starting to feel like home.

Dad had managed to get me homeschooled and so in 6 months I had finished all my school work and was ready to graduate. He had convinced me to come home for that but I was still very hesitant. Even though Clark was gone, his memories lingered and I didn’t want to reopen our wounds.

“Alex, you ready to go?” Matt walked into my office.

“Yeah, let me grab my bag” I got up and walked into my bedroom that was adjacent.

Matt and Natalie had moved here with me. Dad had arranged for their schooling to be done here too. Natalie still had 2 years to go of high school but Matt was graduating with me.

I grabbed my bag and turned to find Matt standing at the doorway.

“You sure you wanna do this? You look like shit”

“Geez, thanks for building my confidence. I’m fine. It’s just graduation and then I’ll be back here. It’s time I stay here to do what I’m supposed to” I walked past him and headed down the stairs. I could hear his footsteps behind me.

I got to the foyer where Natalie was standing with her bag. She smiled at me and went to say something.

“I’m fine! Stop asking that, both of you” I just pushed past her and walked to the car. They had asked me that question so many times I was sick of it.

I dumped my bag in the trunk and got into the driver side. Matt was taking his Range and I had my rapid. I didn’t wait for them as we had planned. I started my car and drove off. Matt knew I was on the edge about going back home and he understood my annoyance.

I was glad I had a 5-hour drive alone to think my life choices through. On top of those choices was not stopping Clark. After I had left Clark’s house, dad was super pissed at me. He lectured me about why I had given in and let Clark accept the rejection. He explained that distance does cause strain on a relationship however it was on us to fix the problems and not ran away from them. He was mad that I didn’t try and fix our relationship.

He had made valid points but it was too late. We had broken the bond and now unless the Moon Goddess wanted it, it couldn’t be fixed. I tried calling Clark the next morning but he had turned his phone off and I took that as a sign that he was truly done. I packed my bags and left as I had planned.

Now 6 months later, I was returning to the bedroom where Clark and I had made so many memories. Memories that had helped me get through the last 6 months. I looked at my shaky hands on the steering wheel. I quickly steadied myself and tried to calm down. I knew it was going to be hard to hide from dad that I was getting weak.

My face had sunken in and I had lost a lot of muscle and weight. Matt was right, I looked like shit. I still didn’t know how I was going to make this unnoticeable. I had to do something. Maybe Shiloh would be able to help.

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After 5 hours of driving, I finally entered the Danton Pack territory. I put my window down and welcomed the howling. They knew I was home. I drove to the packhouse and found dad waiting outside.

I quickly packed my car and got out. I watched my old mans face change as he took in my appearance.

“Please don’t start right now, please. I’m very tired and just want a hug from my dad” I said walking up to him.

He gave me a tight smile and opened his arms. I walked into his arms and he tightly wrapped them around me.

“I’ve missed you daddy” I pressed my face into his chest and took his scent in.

“Same here sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re home. I’m not happy about your appearance, but as you said, I won’t start right now”

I pulled away from him “I need to see Shiloh for a bit daddy. Can you please call her for me?”

“Of course I can sweetheart. As you requested, I’ve cleaned out your room completely. Your new furniture will be here in the morning. You can stay in the spare room tonight” he squeezed my shoulder.

“Thank you, daddy. I’m so tired. I’ll go refreshen up. See you for dinner?”

I gave him one last hug and walked into the house. As I made my way through the house, everyone stopped and greeted me, giving me a little sympathetic look. I knew I looked like hell but they just had to get used to it.

I walked up to my floor and stood in front of my bedroom door. Dad had promised to do everything to make me comfortable while I was here and that included changing all the furniture that still had Clark’s smell on it. I sighed and pushed all the thoughts to the back of my mind. I had to move on.

I heard an omega clear his throat behind me. I turned to see him holding my bag in his hand. I smiled at him and took the bag. I headed into the spare room and found my graduation gown laying on the bed. Dad was very excited about tomorrow and he said he wanted it to be special for both Ash and me.

I picked up the graduation cap and twirled it around. I was finally graduating high school. I didn’t have college plans but the council said they would work something out for me to get my further education. I knew I wouldn’t have the typical college life but I was sure I could do most of the things college students could.

My thoughts were intruded when the same omega cleared his throat again.

“My apologies Queen” he bowed his head “Shiloh is here and Alpha has requested you to come down”

“Thank you. I’ll be down soon” he smiled at me and turned away.

I looked down at my gown again and sighed. Tomorrow was going to be depressing I could feel it. I tossed the cap on the bed and headed down.

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“Mr Albert Carter. Miss Katherine Callum...”

We stood in line at the back of the auditorium waiting for our name to get called. They were going in alphabetical order according to the last name. Ash was standing in front of me bouncing up and down from excited.

“I’ve been waiting for this day for so long! Finally time for college!” Ash laughed.

He had planned on going to Park Estate College. Esther still had 2 years to graduate and Park Estate was driving distance so Ash wasn’t too far from Esther.

I rolled my eyes and looked around. From where I was standing, I could see dad sitting in the front row with the biggest grin on his face. Beside him, I could see a few other members of the council. They had all been invited to the festivities. I was the first territory Alpha to be graduating high school while in power.

“Mr Harper Cain. Miss Seah Creek.”

We were getting closer to our names and Ash was getting even more hyper. I looked back at dad and he pulled out his phone ready to take pictures I smiled at the old man that had raised us since we were 5. He had a rough patch after mum died but he knew he had 2 kids he needed to raise. He was proud of not just his accomplishments, but his children as well.

As I turned forward waiting for Ash’s name to get called, from the corner of my eye, I saw a movement. I turned to see a couple walking in from the side of the auditorium.  They quickly walked in and took a seat a few spots away from dad. There was a light shining above them and I couldn’t see their faces. A dreadful sensation built up in the pit of my stomach.

“Mr Asher Danton. Miss Alexandria Danton” our names got called.

Ash beamed at me and walked onto the stage and I followed him. We got our diplomas and walked off the stage on the other end heading back to our seats. I quickly turned to see the couple and this time I could make out their faces.

It was Clark. He was sitting with his arms over the shoulders of another girl. She had long blonde hair and was very pretty. He was saying something into her ear that made her giggle and she leaned into him more. They looked like a happy couple. But it was the sparkle on her fingers that caught my eye. She raised her left hand to tuck her hair behind her ear and the light above her head glittered off the ring on her fingers.

They were engaged.

My heart pinched and Kona howled in pain as well. He had moved on while I was still suffering. I was slowly fading away and he was creating a family. I stopped walking and stood in the middle of the walkway staring at them.

Ash noticed and came back towards me “Hey, what’s going on?! Come on we gotta go take our seats” he shook me a little.

When I didn’t respond, he followed my gaze to see what I was staring at. The moment his eyes landed on them, he let out a low growl. I didn’t wait for him to say anything. I bolted towards the back door and headed down the empty school corridors towards the main entrance. I ripped off my graduation gowns and cap, tossing them across the corridor.

I couldn’t believe he had moved on. It had only been 6 months. I pushed out the main door and speed walked to my car. I had to get out of here. Dad had said that Clark wasn’t going to be here, so why was he in town?! I got into my car quickly and drove out of the carpark. Dad had organised a party tonight especially for Ash and me, I knew I couldn’t abandon him. Clark couldn’t come into the packhouse without permission and I doubted dad would give him one.

As I pulled into the main road, I felt a sharp pain course through me. During Shiloh’s visit last night, she had suppressed all my pain so I could heal and get my strength back. We didn’t anticipate Clark being back and all those emotions coming back up.

I did a U-turn and headed towards Shiloh’s shop. She needed to do something about this. I couldn’t bear the pain anymore. I needed it to stop so I could function again. I pressed the speed pedal harder and my rapid purred, accelerating through the streets.

I parked in front of Shiloh’s shop and walked in.

“Alpha” she bowed as soon as she saw me.

“Is everything okay?”

“No! Clark’s in town. Your suppressed shit didn’t work. It hurts Shiloh. It hurts so bad! Please make it stop. Why am I hurting so much?! Why is he happily snuggling up to another girl and my heart feels like it’s being ripped out?!” I yelled pulling on my hair.

I started to feel really hot. I ripped off my shoes and unzipped my dress. Dad had especially gotten a dress made for me for today and right now it felt like a death trap.

“Oh, goddess! Okay, calm down Alpha. I’ve already done the best I can. The next step would be to just completely numb all your emotions. Not just emotions for him, but everything! That’s a dangerous thing to do.”

“I don’t care. Just do it. I can’t keep going on like this. It hurts Shiloh. It hurts! Make it stop please” I fell on my knees clutching onto my chest.

“Okay okay,” Shiloh picked up a book.

She sat on the floor next to me and started chanting some spells. She flipped through the book and stopped at a page and continued chanting. She closed her eyes and raised her hands. The candles and lights flickered and it got windy inside the shop. I could hear the wind chimes going crazy in the wind and shelves rattling.

I closed my eyes and let her powers take over. The pain in me started to fade. All the emotions were fading away and I had this emptiness. The noises around me stopped and Shiloh stopped chanting.

I opened my eyes and let my eyes adjust to the light.

“Alpha” Shiloh spoke, looking at me carefully.

“I didn’t take them all away. You still have some of your emotions. Empathy, sympathy, anger, frustration. The usual. The three things you won’t feel at all anymore is love, sadness and fear. I’ve blocked them out. Never will your heart flutter with love, never will you feel sad and never will you fear anything. I’ve also blocked your ability to find your mate. If the Goddess has granted you a second chance, he will feel you, but you will never feel him. I think you need time to heal. If you change your mind, I can always lift the spell.”

I stared at Shiloh letting my body find its balance. Kona whimpered in me but stayed quiet. She wasn’t happy but I needed the pain to go away.

“I think I just need some sleep. Once I wake up, I would have adjusted to this change. Thank you, Shiloh. I really appreciate you helping me” I got off the floor and grabbed my shoes.

Shiloh’s face was filled with concern. What she had done was obviously dangerous but she had to do as I asked.

I walked out of the shop and got in my car. I closed my eyes and my heart skipped a beat. I wasn’t afraid of seeing Clark again. I actually wanted to see him just to test out how my body would react now.

I started my car and drove towards the packhouse. All the cars were back by the time I got home. I knew they would all be waiting. I pulled on my jacket and shoes. If I didn’t feel love, did that mean I wouldn’t feel it for my family?

I walked into the house to find everyone sitting around in the living area with worried expressions.

Dad saw me first and rushed over to me.

“Sweetheart, are you okay? I’m so sorry I didn’t know he was going to attend the graduation. If I had known I would have -.....” I put my hand up to stop dad.

“It doesn’t matter dad. It’s done now. He has moved on and it’s time I move on too. Can’t mope around for the rest of my life for something that was never mine. Maybe the Goddess just doesn’t have love in my fate” my voice was cold.

“Hunny, what’s happened? Somethings not right” dad examined me. Ash and Matt were standing behind him now looking at me as well.

“Shiloh completely numbed some of my emotions. I don’t feel fear, love and sadness anymore.” I looked at all 3 of them. I felt nothing. There was no love for my brother or dad and I wasn’t even sad about it. I was happy that they were all there and supporting me, but that was it.

“Hunny, what have you done?! Why would you do that?” Dad looked shocked.

“I needed the pain to stop dad. I didn’t want to hurt because Clark decided to move on and be happy. It had to stop. I think this is for the best. Has Clark asked to attend the party tonight?”

“Yes hunny he has but I said no” dad sighed.

“Invite him, please. I would like for him to be here. He's moving on, so shall I” I smiled at them all and walked towards the stairs.

“Besides, I want to try out these new emotions. I think it’s going to be fun not being able to love or fear” I chuckled.

I didn’t see the expressions behind me but I knew they were all either shocked or worried.

I hadn’t done so many things because I was afraid of getting hurt or falling in love. But now I could have done either. Maybe it was time I let go of the memories of Clark exploring me. I wanted to know the technics other guys had.

I walked up the stairs and went to my old room. Just like dad had said, it had all new furniture and was decorated differently. I walked in and shut the door behind me. There were boxes of some of my leftover things on the floor. I changed my clothes and took some time to rearrange certain things to the way I liked them.

It was around 5 pm when there was a knock on my door. Ethan poked his head in and looked around.

“Wow, you went all out huh. This looks so royalty. The white and gold definitely make you look like a Queen.” He laughed coming into my room.

“It was dads idea. I just asked for a new room” I looked up from the floor. I was sitting in my wardrobe trying to find an outfit for tonight.

“So, it’s true huh. Numbed emotions making you a robot?” Ethan leaned against the wardrobe door.

“I can still feel some things. Not totally a robot just yet. Though I’m considering it”

“Umm, I think the loss of 3 emotions is enough Alex. Don’t overdo it. We’re all gonna miss the old you” I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

I looked behind him to see that the bedroom door was closed. I got off the floor and walked towards him.

“Something tells me there are certain things you will like about the new me” I reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him close to me.

I could see the shock on his face as he grabbed my arms and steadied himself.

“Wooh Wooh! What the hell are you doing? I only came to tell you your dad is calling you down. You have your link walls up” He stammered.

“You’ve always said you wanted to fuck me, haven’t you Ethan? Here’s your chance.” I let him go and walked past him towards my bathroom. I pulled off my t-shirt and my shorts leaving me in my underwear.

“Come have a shower with me” I winked at him and watched his eyes widen even more. He swallowed loudly.

I turned around and took off my bra, slowly dropping it to the floor. I hooked the side of my panties to my thumbs and wriggled out of it, shaking my butt a little more than normal. I knew he could see my exposed camel toe as I bend down taking my panties off. I dropped my panties to the floor and pull out my hair tie, letting my hair cascade down my back.

I heard Ethan groan behind me and I laughed.

“Come on Ethan, last chance.” I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

I knew Ethan and the boys always talked about fucking me. They knew I was waiting for my mate but they all always expressed their annoyance at the fact that I wasn’t carefree like them. They all wanted to experience everything before they found their mates because they didn’t want to miss out on anything.

I got into the shower a little disappointed that Ethan wasn’t joining me.

*His loss!*

I grabbed the soap and started to lather myself when 2 arms grabbed my waist.

“You know Matt’s gonna find out about this,” Ethan whispered in my ear, slowly taking the soap from my hands and rubbing it on me. He was pressed up against my back.

I turned around and Ethan was only wearing his boxers, his face and hair wet from my ceiling shower head. He ran his hand through his hair and licked his wet lips.

I always thought he was cute but today, in the situation we were in, he was hot. How had I never found him this attractive before?! I had desire bubbling in me without any fear of the outcome.

“Don’t worry about Matt. It’s none of his business what I do or who I do. I never judged him on his choices and he shouldn’t judge me on mine” I winked at Ethan making him smirk. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

“You’re right, I do like this side of you” he growled and smashed his lips into mine.

This was going to be fun!