Shock and decisions

Octavia’s POV


Her sobs rang in my ears, the events that just took place etched into my memory. Playing over and over in my head, **mocking me**. Shock took over my senses, freezing my limbs. *‘He… wants to marry me off to some stranger?!’*

My eyelids brimmed with tears, from both hurt and anger. *How could my father treat me like a piece of property? Like how I feel doesn’t matter?*

Though I knew this side of him, and I knew the answer to my rhetorical questions. I didn’t want to believe what I just heard. I had chosen not to believe how he saw me, all this time. *I just really wanted him to care about my feelings.*

I knew I would never get that from him.

The realization that my father could never change hit me.

At this point the pain in my chest was becoming too hard to hide, too difficult to drown in my usual numb darkness. To suck back all the tears I’ve held in.

The only light I saw at the end of the tunnel was Leon, and I was so close to reaching him. *’I won’t give up.’* I thought to my wolf, using the last drop of hope in my heart to push forward.

*’That’s my girl.’* Lucia proudly purred, making my heart feel slightly lighter than before. *’Now let’s pull you back together, and go get our mate!’*

After a few moments of complete shock, I released the breath I held. I gulped hard, swallowing my sore heart and all my broken pieces with it. It seemed like the shards tore me up inside as they went down, I felt embarrassed and disgusted with myself for feeling like this. I made my way down the final steps, pretending like everything was okay.

“Hey mom!” I over-enthusiastically said, my sweaty hands fidgeting endlessly. I walked towards the fruit shelf in the corner of our kitchen, I acted like I hadn’t noticed her tears and grabbed a large red apple from the top of the basket.

“Ah,” She sniffed, quickly dabbing away her smeared makeup and wet cheeks. Even as she tried to clean up her appearance, the mess of what she felt inside was still all over her face. “You finally emerged from your room! I thought you would never come downstairs!” She chuckles awkwardly, attempting to rinse the dishes like nothing happened.

“Heh… yeah. I've been getting ready for my midterms.” I take a bite of my apple, chewing slowly with my free hand still holding my leather jacket.

She turns around, her eyes slightly less red and puffy than they were before. “Oh? What's the backpack for dear?” She gestures to my bag, leaning against the counter curiously as she dries her hands with a washcloth.

“Oh. I’m having a little trouble with some of the chapters from my textbook, so I'm planning to head to a classmate's house to study some more.” I speak as relaxed as I can, trying not to give myself away. She blankly watches me with her arms crossed, not responding for a moment. The atmosphere feels heavy, weighing my mind and body down. Her face remains expressionless, but her dark sad eyes give away what her heart is feeling.

“You know what they say, two brains is always better than one.” I chuckle nervously after a few seconds, leaning against the opposite counter from her. I attempt to look away from her gloomy aura, bringing my eyes to the tile below my feet. *’I hope she isn’t suspicious of me.’* I poke at my wolf, anxious to know what is going on inside my mothers head.

“And that’s absolutely right!” She suddenly answers with an empty smile, making my flinch just as I bite into my apple once more. She clears her throat, before continuing her thought. “What time will you be back dear?”

“Well I was planning on pulling an all-nighter with this girl from my class, so probably around twelve tomorrow?” I shrug, playing it off like I’m really going to someone’s house to study.

“Will Faye be there?” Mother questions, creating a tense knot in my stomach. I feel frustration coming up my throat… or maybe that’s acid? Many questions teased my mind at her presumption. Why would Faye be there, and why does that even matter?

“No, she's not in my Chemistry class mom. *Remember*?” I scoff, irritated that my mom constantly clumps Faye and I together. I mean, she is my best friend but that doesn’t mean I spend every second with her. I have a life outside of my relationship with her. I’m an adult, a human being.

*My own human being.*

“Oh yes… I remember that. My apologies. Try not to stay away too long, you know your father.” She sighs, rubbing her temples in exhaustion. “He’s impatient.”

She turns away and begins rinsing the dishes again, before taking a deep breath and speaking to me once more. “Octavia… you know your father is the Alpha, and that you have a responsibility… right?” Her voice shakes gently, fatigue covering her vocal pain.

“Yes mother. I will do what I have to.. for the pack.” I answer her, my voice coming to a whisper. How can I do this? Lie to my family, after everything they have done to protect me?

But if I tell them, my one chance at real love and happiness will disappear forever.

“Good.” She sniffs, placing the last plate in the dishwasher. I toss my apple into our large brown garbage can, beside the counter.

“Your father.. has planned to pass the title to you… Soon. He’s expecting you to take a chosen mate.” She closes the machine, adjusting the settings and starting it up. Her face still holding onto its empty expression.

“You’re twenty one, and an unmated pureblood wolf. You have a duty…” she comes closer to me, grabbing my shoulders gently before pausing to take a deep breath.

“Between me and you… I-“ she pauses her thought, as if she was saying something important but couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“Just be prepared to take responsibility, Octavia.” Her hands slowly fall from my shoulders, disappointment eating up my heart. Her eyes go to the floor, as if to search for courage.

“Anyway… um, be safe tonight. And call me if you girls need anything. I will be helping Yesi with Carly later, she had another treatment today so… you know. The usual drills.” She awkwardly brushes the hair away from her eyes and holds herself. Pain still reflects in her eyes as she looks away from me, causing a pang in my chest to startle me slightly.

She clears her throat and ties back her long hair. “Please be safe tonight, we have had some strange sightings recently. The pack warriors think it may be a hunter.”

“Okay, mom.” Hesitantly, I reached out to hold her. I envelop her into a tight hug, holding her close. Her arms dangled, not returning my hug. “I will be okay, I’ll call you before we go to bed.”

*’When did my mother begin to feel so far away from me?’* I thought, my eyes stinging softly as I let her go. The distance I feel between me and my parents is unbearably painful.

*’Some things can’t be changed so easily.’* Lucia responds with a sore voice, trying to motivate me into feeling better. *’We will get through this, together.’*

*’We will, **even if we have to run away to be free.**’* I think, as I pass through the front door. I slip off my backpack, before putting my leather coat on. I lock the front door, and trudge towards my bike.

*’Enough of this energy, let’s go see our mate!’* Lucia snaps happily, her mood growing excited.

*’We have something to go find first.’* I chuckle, her excitement invigorating and motivating me. I take in a deep breath, being cautious of any scents nearby. Nothing suspicious passes under my nose.

I hop onto my bike and put my backpack back on, Then, I quickly send Leon a text and start up my bikes engine.

**”*Headed out, I need to grab something before I meet you there. See you soon <3*”**

I look over my shoulder at the packhouse, relaxing and letting out all the heaviness of what just happened. I pull out of the driveway and onto the gravel road, heading into the woods towards human civilization.