Chapter Twelve

Chevelle




River is out at a bar with Jack and I’m at home, lying in my bed. The image of what I witnessed when I walked into River’s room this morning burned into my mind, haunting me.

Opening his bedroom door, my eyes are drawn to him immediately, taking in the sight before me. I’m utterly speechless as I stand there, watching as his right hand is curled around his cock, making long strokes up and down its hardened length.

Fuck!

I shouldn’t be watching this.

I turn to leave but pause, looking back at him working himself once more before stepping from the room.

”Chevy…” he moans, my name falling from his lips as though I am the one he’s dreaming of as he pleasures himself.

“Fuck, baby.” He groans, stroking harder, faster.

“River?” I whisper, not believing what I’m seeing or hearing but unable to tear my eyes away.

“Yeah, baby. Stroke my dick.” He grunts causing heat to spread throughout my body, settling between my things.

“River!” I say, louder this time.

His eyes burst open, his hand still gripping his cock, stroking.

I can tell the moment that he realizes what’s going on because a blush stains his cheeks and he throws the sheet over his lap, taking away the view that I was enjoying.

At the memory of River stroking himself while uttering my name, the heat from earlier returns with a vengeance. Slipping my right hand beneath the blanket covering me, I begin rubbing the bundle of nerves between my thighs, imagining that its River’s hands pleasuring me instead of my own. My breathing deepens, coming faster as my fingers rub faster against my aching bud.

“Fuck…” I cry as the pressure builds. “River…” I’m so close. It’s right there. I can feel it just out of reach. And then I hear the sound of the front door closing.

“Fuck…” I murmur, frustrated. He’s home much earlier than I expect him to be.

“Hey, Chevy.” River calls from just outside my room.

“R-River…” I mutter, caught off guard, as I hurriedly sit up, acting as though nothing was happening beneath the thin sheet covering me. “H-hi” I rush out breathlessly. I can feel my cheeks reddening as I look over at him standing in my doorway and I’m beyond thankful that the lights are off. “You’re back early.”

“Yeah, I tried. I just wasn’t really feeling it tonight. You okay?” He says, taking a step into my room. I can’t seem to make my tongue work; words aren’t coming as I watch him take another step into my room, coming closer to my bed.

I nod yes, but I nod too quickly, and I know that he doesn’t believe me.

River stops next to the bed and kneels down so that we’re eye level. Raising his right hand, his fingers slipping through the knotted strands of hair as he cradles my neck, he looks me in the eyes through the dim light and my heartbeat picks up in intensity once again.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Your heart rates accelerated,” he whispers.

“N-no it’s n-not,” I stutter, causing his eyes to drop down to my parted lips.

Licking his lips, he grins, “yes, it is,” he utters, his voice deep and gravelly. My breath catches in my chest and my heart drums harder against my ribcage, no doubt in my mind that he knows, “and your breathing is kind of labored,” he notes, once again biting his bottom lip. I’ve noticed it’s a habit of his but haven’t figured out the cause behind it just yet.

Standing up, he rasps “Were you being a dirty girl, baby?” As he waits for my response, he lowers one of his knees onto my bed, followed by the other. Slowly he crawls up my bed, stopping just in front of me.

A smirk forms on his face when I don’t answer. Instead, I continue to just stare at him, the blush creeping up my neck and face answer enough.

As I stare at him, I note how incredibly beautiful he is. Beautiful in that rugged way that is unexpected but still just as staggering.

I want to kiss him again. I want to feel his lips against mine once more, feel the weight of his body as he presses into me.

The thought shocks me but it shouldn’t considering all the things I’ve found myself feeling about him lately.

Before rational thought kicks in, I lean forward, crashing my lips against his. A groan comes from his throat when I slide my tongue against the seam of his lips, begging for him to open so that I can taste him.

Without hesitation, he opens for me, our tongues dueling, his hands slipping beneath my lower back, slightly lifting me as he stands. Then, placing me back against the bed, he rises over me.

A low, deep moan leaves me as his body comes into contact with mine and the heat from moments ago is back, fire racing through my veins.

I know that this is wrong, it could ruin everything, but it feels so good.

“Just kissing…” I say, breaking away from his mouth momentarily.

“Of course.” He pants, grinding his hips into the spot between my thighs that’s aching for release. “Whatever you say.”

“Fuck…” I moan as our hips meet again and a spear of pleasure rocks through me.

“You feel so good.” He whispers against my skin, his lips feathering kisses down my neck. I crane my neck, giving him better access as our lower bodies continue to dance, grinding together seeking release.

“This is so wrong…” I utter as the fire grows hotter.

“It doesn’t fucking feel wrong.” He murmurs, his hips thrusting once more.

With each kiss, touch and thrust I grow closer to the edge until I’m wound so tight that I may combust at any moment.

River rises back up, claiming my lips once more as his hips continue thrusting into mine, building the fire higher and higher.

“Fuck!” he growls, placing a kiss against my sternum as his hands raise my shirt up my torso, revealing the little bitty boy short underwear that I’m wearing. “God, you smell so good. I bet you taste incredible.”

He places a kiss between my breasts as his hands grip my hips, holding me down as he thrusts. Rivers' tongue lashes out, teasing a hardened peak before covering it with his mouth.

Just kissing! My brain screams at me as another moan escapes me. He moves to my other breast, showing it the same attention as his hands move around to my backside, his blunt nails digging into my ass cheeks.

“Just” I mutter, trying to get the words out to tell him this was just supposed to be kissing when his lips come back to mine, cutting me off, not allowing me to finish.

I’m so close, so close that I can taste it.

River thrusts once more, his hips circling against my aching center. I can feel his hardened cock between my thighs, each thrust making me think that maybe, just maybe it would be okay. But before that thought can go any further the ball of fire that had been building in my core combusts. It feels like lava is soaring through my veins as the flames lick my skin. River holds me against him, his mouth never leaving mine as the fire slowly dies and I find myself falling back to earth, completely sated.

“Wow…” I breathlessly utter, my heartbeat still pounding against my chest.

“Fuck.” River growls, looking down at me, his eyes filled with heat.

“That was…” I mutter trying to find words to describe what that was as the moment fades and the rational part of my brain begins working again.

My breathing kicks up once again, my heart rate never slowing as panic surges forth. “That was…that was…” I’m unable to get the words out as my ears begin to ring, my whole body feeling flushed as tears spring to my eyes.

Sitting up in the bed, my panic increases exponentially as my throat begins constricting. Clawing at it, I try to do something to help as it becomes more and more difficult to bring air into my aching lungs. Tears begin falling from my eyes, only making the situation worse as the seconds tick by ever so slowly.

“Shit!” River sits up in front of me, placing his hands on my chest. “It’s okay, Chevy. You’re having a panic attack.”

My eyes flutter around the room, trying to find purchase on something, anything.

“Chevy, look into my eyes. Listen to my voice. Can you do that?” It takes a moment for what he says to register through the panic but once it does, I lock my eyes on his gray ones. My airway continues to constrict, my panic increasing as I watch his mouth moving, trying to listen to what he says. “Feel my hand on your chest?” he says as he takes my left hand in his right and raises it to his chest, then doing the same with my right, then placing his back against my chest.

“Breath with me, okay? When I inhale, you inhale. When I exhale, you exhale. Are you with me?” I give a slight nod, focusing on his breathing as I try to fight past the feeling in my chest and throat.

“Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Good,” He says, still staring into my eyes. I can see the sadness and the fear in them, but I can’t dwell on it because the only thing I can focus on at the moment is the feel of his chest expanding and contracting beneath my hands, guiding me so that I’m able to get air back into my lungs.

“That’s it. Just breath in, breath out.” Slowly the pressure in my chest begins to ease, the vice on my throat loosening as I continue to listen to his voice giving me reassurances, allowing me to focus on his breathing, my breathing.

When my breathing is finally normal again, River pulls me into his arms, stroking my hair as shudders rack my body.

Fuck! We kiss and whatever and I have a panic attack, I think as the pressure in my lungs begins to build again.

“Breathe, Chevy.” He murmurs against my head, my hands still against his chest, feeling his breath evenly entering and exiting his body. “Don’t think. Just breathe.”

I must have drifted off against Rivers' chest at some point because sometime later, I'm awoken as he shifts beneath me.

Turning towards him, I try to smile but I’m pretty sure it ends up being more of a grimace as I think about what we did and the panic attack that followed.

“River…” I start, trying to find words to both apologize and explain that we can never do that again, when he interrupts me.

“Don’t.” He says, placing his finger to my lips. “It was incredible. Don’t over think it. Don’t ruin it.” Leaning forward, his lips close over mine once more, stopping my reply.

I can’t help but overthink it. This could ruin everything. My breathing hitches and I know if I don’t get it under control, I’ll have another panic attack.

“It was wrong…” I whisper, breaking away from his kiss. My head is lowered, our foreheads pressed together but I can’t look at him. To keep myself from doing so, I begin fidgeting, wrapping my hands in my nightshirt.

“Hey, Chevy. Look at me, okay?” he urges, cupping my cheek in his hand. ”Please…” he whispers.

The devastation in his plea is what causes me to look up. I can tell that my reaction hurt him. Hurting him is the last thing that I want; I may be confused about a lot right now but that, I know for sure. And the knowledge that I’m the cause of his pain causes my chest to hurt.

“There is nothing wrong about what happened between us. Or what happened after. Do you understand?” His tone is soft but still stern. He truly believes what he’s saying, as if what just happened between us doesn’t change everything.

“But…but…” I stutter, trying to put my fears into words. I need him to understand why what happened between us shouldn’t have happened and that it can never happen again.

“But nothing.” He says, staring into my eyes. “We just kissed.”

Just kissed?

Really?

So much more went on here than just kissing, I think to myself, shaking my head back and forth in denial of his words.

“No. We didn’t. You…you… I-I—” the words just won’t come, they’re right there but I can’t seem to say them. My frustration grows from my inability to explain, causing the tears that had been building behind my eyes to begin to fall.

“Shit.” He mutters, wiping my tears away with the pads of his thumbs before closing his lips over mine once more. “We just kissed, made out. Absolutely nothing about what we just did was wrong, not in any way.” He says, breaking the kiss.

“But—” I try again but he once again cuts me off before I get to finish speaking.

“No but’s, Chevy. Okay?” he says, placing a chaste kiss against my lips and then folding his arms around me.

The beating of his heart is strong and steady. He truly believes what he’s saying. I can tell it just by listening to the beat of his heart. It doesn’t sound nervous or frenzied. It sounds normal and content.

The thought of River thinking that something between us is okay, normal even, makes me wonder if maybe I’m all wrong. Maybe I’ve been overthinking this entire situation.

I just don’t know if I’m ready to take that kind of a chance just yet. Right now, River is my world, he is all that I know. I don’t know if I’m ready to risk losing that if things were to go bad between us.