Chapter Fourteen

Chevelle



I’ve been in my room pretty much all evening, trying to figure out what’s going on with River, when my phone starts ringing.

“Hey Caprice.” I greet, my mind still preoccupied with River and what the phone call in his room earlier was all about.

“Hey Sis! So, I just called to let you know that Mom wants to do dinner this weekend and wanted to know if you and River could make it.” She sounds breathless and there’s a lot of noise in the background.

“Where are you?” I ask, standing up to shut my door.

“Sorry, I’m just leaving practice.” She says as the noise in the background dies out and I hear a door shut.

“Practice? For what?” There’s still so much that I don’t know about her or the rest of my family.

“Cheerleading practice.” She says, shocking the crap out of me.

“You’re a cheerleader? Really?” I ask, baffled that my sister who seems so much like me would join the dark side.

“You just shush it! I’m really good and I love it.” she says. I can tell there’s a grin on her face and I laugh, glad that she’s doing something that makes her happy.

“Well, as long as it makes you happy. But it’s after eight. Why is practice just letting out?” I ask, confused.

“We have competitions coming up; Coach is making us come in for extra practices to make sure that we have our routines down pat.” I guess that makes sense.

“Ah gotcha...” There’s a few beats of silence between us except for the radio that comes from Caprice’s side as I decide if I want to broach the topic of River and I. “Hey Caprice…”

“Yea?” she asks, turning down the music.

It takes me a few seconds to begin speaking, nerves surfacing as I open my mouth to say what’s on my mind. “So…some stuff happened, and I don’t know what to think about it.”

“When you say some stuff happened, exactly what do you mean?” This should be weird talking about with my little sister, shouldn’t it?

“I need to start at the beginning. The other morning, I walked in on River, umm, taking care of himself…”

“Wait!” she interrupts, “You caught him masturbating?” she says, laughing into the phone.

“Yes…” I sigh, feeling a blush creep its way onto my cheeks, “But he was asleep…he said my name while he was doing it and I swear to God, I couldn’t look away…there has to be something wrong with me, since I just stood there watching, right?” I rush out, embarrassed at being weak in that moment.

“Oh my god! You did not! Is he big?” she squeals, causing me to have to pull the receiver away from my ear before she causes my eardrum to bust.

“I did…”

“You want him so bad and you know it. Don’t even try to deny it. And as for it being wrong, I mean, aside from the fact that he was asleep, I don’t see the harm in it…does he know that you were watching him, um, take care of himself?” she snickers, and I know that I really should just shut up right now, but I need answers. And I can’t talk to River, so she’s all I’ve got.

Heaving a sigh, I begin again. “There’s more…” I pause, trying to figure out the right way to put into words what I want to say. “That night… I couldn’t stop thinking about him and watching him doing that made me feel things down there…and umm…” I hesitate, unsure if I should really be discussing this with her or not.

“You got your rocks off while thinking about him, didn’t you?” She accuses, as if it’s normal conversation between us.

“No... well, yes. Or, well, I tried. But he came home before I got to finish…”

“Talk about lady blue balls. That sucks!” she remarks, and I have to stifle a giggle.

“I’m still not done... I kissed him.”

“Hell yes! Chevy and River sitting in a tree…” Caprice begins singing through the line and I roll my eyes as I ignore her continued singing.

“What are you four?” I ask once she’s sang the last words. “Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. I kissed him…which turned into making out with him.” I pause momentarily and then rush out “…he ended up finishing the job for me…” I can feel my face flame in both embarrassment and excitement at the memory of what happened between us.

“You slept with him!” She screeches, excitement clear in her voice.

“What? No! We just kissed or, well, that's all it was supposed to be, but then we also kind of rubbed against each other until my whole body started shaking and I felt like I was going to explode from the inside out…”

“So, you dry humped each other until you had an orgasm…” she deadpans. Great, my little sister knows more about sex than I do. “I don’t see the problem here. Orgasms are...fuck…well you know since you had one.” She finishes on a giggle.

“Yes…but it was….” I hesitate, bringing my fingers to my lips and rubbing my thighs together at the memory and trying to find the right words to describe how incredible it was. As wrong as I thought it was at the time, and as much as I am confused about what is going on between him and I, I can’t help but want it to happen again. “It’s never been like that before…when I’ve done it to myself. Never even close to being like that.” I ponder that fact and then finish my thought, “But, well, umm…after all of that…I kind of…umm, I kind of freaked out on him.” I murmur, still very much embarrassed from my reaction.

“You did not!” She gasps and my face reddens even more. Burying my face in my hands, I curse myself for my reaction to such an experience between him and me.

“I did...” I mumble hiding my face behind my hands, although she can’t see me. “I had a panic attack. He calmed me down and held me until we both ended up falling asleep.” In hindsight, I don’t regret the making out that happened between us, but I do regret how I reacted after.

“At least he comforted you. River really seems like a good guy Chev…”

“He is, Caprice…” I trail off. River has been amazing towards me. But why? It makes no sense. “Okay, so then a few days later someone slipped a newspaper article about my accident with a weird note attached to it under his door and when I asked him about it, he acted all weird and since then he’s been really distant.” She makes a weird noise on the other end of the line but doesn’t comment, so I continue. “I don’t like it. I don’t know what to think about any of this. Did things go too far between us and now he regrets it?” I finish with bated breath, fearful that she may think the same thing and that everything is now ruined.

“I think maybe he’s just giving you your space after the whole make-out, freak out ordeal.” She tries and I appreciate the attempt but, in my gut, I know that’s not it.

“I don’t know, that may be part of it but then why did he start acting weird after the whole newspaper article thing, Caprice. Why would my accident cause him to be like this?” I am so out of my depth here. I have no clue what I’m doing, what’s normal and what’s not. I hate this!

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” she asks, as if it’s really that simple. It’s not.

“I can’t.” I whisper, the fear of losing him creeping in to where I feel like I may suffocate at the thought alone.

“Hey, it’s okay. Bring him this weekend and maybe time away together will help ease the weirdness between you two?” I nod my head as though she can really hear me but before I get to speak, she continues, “But Chevy? You need to decide what you want.”

She’s right. I know I’m confused but I hadn’t really thought about the fact that my actions are probably just as confusing for him. Maybe that’s all that this is. I’ve played hot and cold and he just needed to get away from the bipolar-ness that is my feelings towards him and our situation. Maybe the news article reminded him of my situation, and he felt like he was taking advantage of me or something? I guess I really won’t get any answers until he decides to talk to me about it and questioning it all is doing nothing but causing me to have more questions.

“Okay, this weekend should be fine, but I’ll talk it over with River, if I can get him to talk to me. And thank you. You’re the only person that I have aside from River right now. And it really seems like I’m starting to lose him.” I croak, the tightness in my throat still present as I ponder over everything.

“Don’t over think it. I highly doubt you're losing him; I’ve seen the way that he looks at you, Chev. And I’m always here, that’s what sisters are for.” I think over her words for a moment before replying.

“Well, I appreciate it just the same. I’ll let you know about this weekend.” I say, feeling the pull of tears gathering in my eyes.

“Alright, and Chevy?” She says, pausing a moment before continuing, “I Love you.” Caprice throws out the sentiment and I know that she means it, but I can’t say it back just yet.

So instead, I say, “You too,” and then listen as the line goes silent. Leaning back against my headboard, thoughts of my current predicament racing through my head as a tear slips from my eye.

I don’t know what’s going on with River and I don’t know what my feelings are towards him, but I do know that I don’t like the distance that he’s put between us and the thought that I may be losing him causes my chest to ache.