Chapter 23

*Sleep. Now!*

These were the commands being sent throughout his body as he closed the front door behind him and made his way to his room. He’d purposely waited around at the hospital longer than his shift to avoid seeing Amber this morning. It was a petty move, of that he was aware.

He was angry and disappointed and yet he didn’t understand why he wasn’t running for the hills. There were things he considered deal breakers and cheating was definitely high up on that list. So why was he still coming home to her? Why was making a decision so difficult? It should have been simple.

“You still at home?” he paused at the entrance of their bed room door. Amber was on the floor, legs crossed on top of each other. She was folding away clothes and placing them in the bottom draws of their wardrobe.

“I took the day off.” The article of clothing in her hand dropping back into the basket as their eyes made four. Nate nodded and walked over to the bed. He plopped down and closed his eyes.

Amber couldn’t find it in herself to leave for work without seeing him. He said that they would talk today and her mind surged. She wanted to sort out their issues before she could wholeheartedly apply herself to her sister’s need. As it stood he was also unaware of Mia’s revolutions and she thought it best for Mia to explain to him tonight, after he’d gotten his rest. She knew that despite whatever may happen between them, he cared for Mia and Amiyah.

“How did the surgery go?” she’d turned her head back towards the basket of laundry.

“Successful.” He shifted until he was in a sitting position. He patted the bed next to him, when he noticed her eyes couldn’t see him he said, “Come sit down.”

He watched as her legs unfolded and she rose to her feet. Why did he love her so much? The very sight of her rendering him confused.

Amber did as he said, her body reacting to his command before her brain processed it. “Are you ready to talk?” she eased down next to him. The urge to fall into his arms nagging away at her.

He nodded. “I can’t keep pushing it back and neither can I pretend.” He cocked his head to the side and looked at her. No matter the angle she was still so perfect, he mused, a tiny part of him wishing he’d never picked up her cell phone that day.

“Are you considering leaving me?” She was surprised by the strength in her voice, she’d spent so much of her time with this man, she knew when he was mulling over a decision. She didn’t know what she would do if he did.

“Who is Carter?” He ignored the question; he had no answer to it. In circumstances such as these, it was clear what should be done, sadly that didn’t line up with what he wanted.

Saying the name out loud turned his stomach into knots, acid rising up in his throat.

“I met him online.” She said slowly, noting the rise in Nate’s eyebrows. “He sent me a random message on instagram in relation to one of our photos.” She added quickly, she needed him to understand that she wasn’t looking for anything or anyone. “I initially thought he was someone who knew you so I responded to not be rude.”

Nate inhaled deeply, using that time to process, “Continue.” He could no longer look at her.

“Whatever it is that you are thinking I did with him,” Amber rested her hand on his shoulder and tried to find his gaze, “I promise you nothing physical happened.”

“Nothing physical?” he scoffed, shrugging her hand off his shoulder. Did she really expect him to believe that after the message he read? “So do you have feelings for him then?” he did catch her gaze now, his tone hardening with the same intensity as his eyes.

“No, I don’t.” She answered honestly, watching as the tiny bit of patience dimmed from Nate’s eyes.
He set out laughing humourlessly. He was deeply flustered now, his legs lifting him up from the bed. He raked his hands through his hair and walked across the room. He needed to create some distance between them.

“I hope you can see why I’m finding it hard to believe you.” He was pacing now, his back towards her. “And, if I do believe you it’s a harder blow to think you cheated on me with some random guy you didn’t even have feelings for.” He scoffed, facing her, searching her for any signs of remorse. She did appear sad, but then again she appeared to be in love with him this whole time. How was he to ever trust her?

“Did our relationship mean so little that you would risk it over someone you didn’t even have feelings for?” he narrowed his eyes and waited for a response. He was trying excessively hard not to raise his voice. It was something he promised himself to never do and regardless of the arguments they had in the past he’d always managed to keep his cool and give her the respect she deserved. Today was proving difficult.

“Nate I promise I didn’t—” her hands were folded in prayer as she pleaded with him to listen to her.

“Why did he ask to see you again then? What have you been doing when you see him?” The questions erupted out of him before she could finish. Nothing was making sense to him. He started pacing again to relieve the tension accumulating within him.

“We have only ever video chatted.” She revealed, her eyes tracing every movement me made. She was growing nervous, she’d never seen him this bothered, then again how could she blame him?

Nate twisted in a circle and scoffed. He pushed his hair back on his head, shaking his head in defiance.
“I can show you the messages, I am not lying.” She persisted, pulling her cell out of her pocket and handing it out to him. “Take it,” she insisted. Nate glanced at the cell phone and then at her face.
“Do you really think I want to read messages of my girlfriend flirting with another man?” He questioned, his eyes had a tinge of madness about them.
She shook her arm to reiterate that he should take the cell phone. “I didn’t flirt with him, read the messages.” She begged, her arms beginning to hurt.

“You’ve kept things from me, you understand how my trust in you has wavered right?” he questioned, searching her features, for what? He didn’t quite know. Did she understand that she betrayed him? Regardless of if she hadn’t slept someone else.

“I get that, and I take full responsibility.” Her voice was cracking. She paused, she didn’t want to get emotional, she didn’t want him to think she was using her emotions against him. “Please read it,” she begged, he caved and pulled the cell phone in his hand, “I didn’t start up a conversation with Carter and I didn’t—“

“Please. Do.Not. Say. His. Name.” Nate interjected, pressing his eyes shut to erase the sound of it on her voice. He unlocked her phone, his mind screaming not to open the messages but she’d insisted and it was the only way to verify her words, he didn’t have it in him to give her blind trust.

She swallowed, “I have no intentions of ever betraying you, I was just lonely.” She revealed.

“Lonely?” he looked up at her from skimming the messages, “Now I make you feel lonely?” he furrowed his eyebrows, tiny creases forming in his forehead.

“It’s not a justification but it started up as a friendship.” She said, “You and I have completely different schedules and sometimes it’s lucky if we get an hour or two a day with each other.”

“I know my schedule is difficult, but we talked about this before we moved in together.” The biggest fear he had was coming to pass. In their early stages she had assured him that no matter how busy his work got, she would never seek attention elsewhere.

“I know, and I don’t have an issue.” She quickly corrected.
“Oh, but you do.” He retorted painfully, “so much so that you searched for comfort from another man.” He needed her to be self-aware, nothing would be worth working through if she couldn’t recognise her own mistakes.

“Fair enough.” She responded, she had no excuse. “I was just in a rough patch and I felt empty.” She said, “I just needed to talk to someone to ease that.”

“And why didn’t you tell me this?” he’d stopped scrolling through her cell phone. If there was anyone she needed to be open with it was him.

“I don’t know, you were so busy and I thought it unreasonable to tell you that I just wanted more time and attention from you.” Her eyes were glued to her fingers, they’d suddenly become so interesting.

He didn’t know what to say in response. He wasn’t out there hanging out with friends or purposely ignoring her, he was working. “Did this friendship turn into more?” he switched the topic. He wasn’t satisfied just yet.