Chapter 46

They squeezed through the door frame together, their bodies’ dangerously close. Mia caught the scent of him, her body’s baser instincts stirring. She moved a few steps away from him, to a different air space. His scent was too familiar. The door slammed behind them with a thunderous force, causing Mia to jump, looking back at Harvey.
The difficulty of today would be maintaining distance, no matter how much she wanted to snuggle into him and breathe his scent in. Unknowingly, he’d become a comfort for her and now that they were forcing the connection to be that of strangers she felt nothing but loss. She’d been staring at him for too long, his gaze focused on locking the door. Mia spun around, turning her attention to the setting, her breathing automatically elevating. This room was too personal for them to occupy at the same time. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, the huge bed sitting in the middle of the room causing her mouth to go dry. She turned her gaze away, desperately searching for some thing or space that wouldn’t cause her mind to wander or hope.

There was a tiny table at the corner of the room, she moved towards it without a second thought. She’d resigned herself to ignoring the placement of the bed; she’d use her imagination to erase its presence. Mia placed her handbag down on the table and pulled a chair out.
She gazed up from her seat, her eyes blocking out the sight of the bed. She didn’t want to see it. Two eyes made four. Harvey leaned against the locked door, his hands crossed at his chest as he perceived her openly. She hadn’t known how long he’d been watching her.

Mia shifted uncomfortably under his scrutinising glare, clearing her throat as self-distraction. Was he peering into her soul? That was impossible right? But she felt vulnerable under his watchful eye.

“Was it difficult getting away today?” he spoke softly, his tone carrying a hypnotic promise as it swirled towards her.

“Not more than usual.” She chuckled weakly. Harvey nodded as these words settled in his mind. How hard had it been for her to be sneaking around in the past weeks? The puzzle was coming together; all the times she suggested another time or date was due to her tip-toeing around her husband.

“I had so much I wanted to say to you,” Mia broke the silence, his vision had glazed over, he was no longer seeing the present reality. “and now I can’t think of a single thing to say.” Mia sighed, the nail polish on her finger nails grasping her attention as he refocused on her.

“I know the feeling.” He swallowed a sigh. He leaned off the door and made his way closer towards her, he sank down on the edge of the bed, facing her. Mia could smell him again, her heart strings tangling with each other in an unchangeable mess. She could clearly see the brown in his eyes and the sharp shape of his jaw. Not too long ago, she had unspoken permission to trail her fingers along the lines of his face. The urge to repeat those actions were clawing at her. He was too close.
The more he stared at her the more his brain was being rewired to believe that he could forget the circumstances that led them to this point of awkwardness. Could he really find in it him to let her go? To let the first potent connection he’s ever felt to just walk out of his life?

“I want you to know that I never intended to lie to you.” She forced herself to gaze at him and not at her chipping nail polish.

“But you did.” He responded, he had to stand his ground. If he was getting involved with a woman who was married and in love, he’d be playing a losing game.
Mia nodded. She realised that the truth should have been revealed from the start. “I know, and I am sorry. I-I,” she sucked in a breath.

“Why did you hide it?” he cut across her thought. It was clear that she was struggling with her words.

“You were my escape and I was scared to lose that connection. I felt happy when I was with you.” She’d lowered her gaze and her voice.

“Escape from what?” he tried not to focus on the other words. They were too tempting to listen too.

“My life.” She shrugged. If he was to know the truth, it should be the whole truth.

“You are married with a child, why would you want to escape from that?” He leaned forward, coming closer to her, his eyes daring her to lie to him again. He knew of Gabriel’s behaviour, the man was no saint and he hadn’t the loyalty to commit to one woman, but he needed to hear the grievances from the source.

“I enjoy every moment I spend with my daughter.” She said defensively. “She is the only thing I will never regret or escape from.” She shook her head, her voice strong for the first time since they began this conversation.

“And what about your husband?” He was getting closer to the queries he had. The voice recordings he’d listened too just last night rang in his ears. Was there love or was it a façade? Not that either answer would change the fact that she was married, but he knew which one would make him feel better.

“I have no relationship with him.” Another strong statement; backed by her intense gaze.

“Then why are you still there? Isn’t it that you cannot seem to let him go?” Harvey’s emotions were beginning to climb its way to the surface. He was struggling to keep himself calm and indifferent.

“I-I…” she stammered, caught off-guard by the rise in his tone, “I stay for Amiyah.” She finally said, regaining what little composure she had. “The relationship between me and Gabriel ended soon after we brought her home from the hospital.” The images of her sister revealing those photos to her imprinted itself in her mind as clear as if it occurred days ago.

“What changed?” Harvey probed. How could a relationship crack so quickly? He was getting restless sitting in one spot, his leg shaking impatiently.

“I found out that he had never been faithful to me and he was unapologetic about it.” Her voice cracked. One wrong decision had turned her life into turmoil, the stress of it threatening to overwhelm her.

“Do you love him?” Harvey asked, the sadness in her voice triggering his anger. “Was I a crack at revenge?” he followed up with this question quickly, rising to his feet and pacing about the room.

“I don’t love him, Harvey.” She traced his movements uneasily. “and I think it’s clear to the world that the only person Gabriel loves is himself.” She declared bitterly.
He didn’t know what he wanted to know. None of this was helping him, none of it making the reality easier to digest. She didn’t love him? Okay, then why was Gabriel still a factor in her life?

“Why did you allow my advances?” he stopped pacing and glared at her.

“Because…” Mia cleared her throat, “I was attracted to you.” She said as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Is that all it was, attraction?” he spat the word out as if it was acidic.

“No.” she admitted, for the first time to them both. “I kept being drawn to you, and I couldn’t say *no* anymore. I feared that if you knew the truth you’d run in the opposite direction.” She half yelled at him, “I didn’t want you to run away from me and the more time we spent the more I realised that I wanted more, but this life I have…” her voice trailed off. This conversation was reminding her of everything she would be without. The frustration in her building but she had to give him the answers he deserved.

“I know.” He cut her off, he was seeing the distress in her as she tried to explain it to him. She was tied to a man she didn’t love anymore, to a relationship that couldn’t be repaired and yet he wondered why she was still there. That question was yet to be answered.
On instinct, he walked over to her, bending his knees and kneeling in front of her. He gazed into her widened eyes, his hands reaching up to cup her face. He inhaled deeply, peering into her eyes, drinking in every curve and line in her face.

“You look so tired.” He traced her dark circles with his thumbs as she leaned into his touch, her eyes closing down momentarily.

“Harvey…” she protested weakly, twisting her neck. The feel of his hands on her skin was breaking her resolve.

“Has he ever placed his hands on you, Mia?” his voice was slow, the tone of it almost tricking her into giving up her secrets without a second thought.

“What?” Her eyes shot open once the gravity of his words struck her.

“Tell me, Mia. Has Gabriel ever put his hands on you.” The reminder of her screaming was trapped in his brain. She didn’t answer, she was searching his eyes. Gabriel had done questionable things, he’d scared her sometimes but could she honestly say he put hands on her? Her mind flashed back to the day he’d grabbed her body against his and refused to let go. That doesn’t count does it?

“If I ask you to leave him, will you seriously consider it?” Harvey’s breathing had hitched. The fact that she couldn’t answer him was all he needed to hear.