Carolina's Words

Athena


When my eyes looked from downstairs as the closed door opened and Celine got out of the room with dishevelled hair, swollen lips and crinkled clothes, just the thought of what might have gone behind the closed door made my heart ache. But I did not have anything to do at all.

Even when she flashed me a mocking smile as she noticed me standing in the hallway before walking away to her room.

I decided not to go back to the room, for now, I needed some time for myself to recover because there was no way I was going to be able to breathe in that room after knowing what had happened just a few minutes ago.

I found myself walking to the library area, taking a look around the place using the new surrounding as a distraction.

From looking at the library I could tell, this place did not have many people coming over there or looking over it. It was not like as if it was dirty, but all the furniture and even books were very old. Some had torn covers, some chairs and tables were not steady, and some lights were broken but not replaced yet.

The place was clean and tidy, but the state of it was not at its best compared to the entire mansion and its decoration.

What could be the reason that out of all the other places this was the only one that is not being taken care of?

My eyes fell on the bookshelves and curiously I began to take a look at the books. Most of them were either poetry or plays, only a few were novels.

One or two even had handwritten notes on them. At first, I ignored the notes but then suddenly my eyes fell on the name written t the end of one of the notes.

Carolina....

It was written by Sebastian's mother.

"When life becomes meaningless....poetry heals."— 5th January, 1994.

I put the book back in its place before I moved on to finding the previous book I left unread.

"I thought I was never going to find a new reason to live, but it seems like I finally have a reason to keep fighting. A little soul is growing inside of me, I am going to be a mother."— 18th June 1994.

I moved on to find the next book, searching amongst the huge collection of books to find the one with the notes.

Finally, after searching for a few minutes, I found another book.

"It's a baby boy. So between 'Penelope' and 'Sebastian', I have to pick the second option. I wonder what he will look like, will he have blue eyes like me? How small will he be when he comes into this world? I can't wait to have him in my arms."— 8th September 1994.

A melancholic smile spread on my lips while reading her messages, she sounded so excited about her pregnancy.'

However, the next note brought tears to my eyes.

"Elijah brought another woman to the house today. I know he does not want me and my Sebastian but he wouldn't let me leave too. I don't want my baby to be sad because of me but I can not stop my tears either. I am beginning to doubt— Am I going to be able to give my Sebastian the life he deserves? Am I going to be able to keep him away from the dark shadow of his father?"— 2nd October, 1994.

She did not deserve to go through all of these...

"He kicked. Yes! I felt him kick today. I don't have anyone to share this news with but I am just so so so happy!!! Just a few more days and I am going to be able to hold my baby, he's going to be in my arms."— 15th November 1994.

"I don't know if I want him to come out or not. Am I acting selfish by bringing him into this cruel world? What if I can't be there for him when he will need me? What if he has to fight the world alone and his life becomes meaningless just like mine? I don't want him to get out. I want him to stay like he is, safe in my womb, like this forever."— 28th November 1994.

I wiped my tears, putting the book in its place before I moved on to the next one.

She deserved better, she deserved so much more than this world has given her.

"He's in my arms today. He has got blue eyes just like mine, his hair is kind of a mix of his dad's and mine, and his smile is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. Holding him feels like heaven, a precious little soul...I am going to give him everything I can, I will protect him with my life."— 20th December 1994.

I grabbed the next book.

"It was his first birthday today. He started walking a month ago with his tiny little feet and learned how to say 'mama'. Elijah did not allow me to do anything for Sebastian, for him, my Sebastian is another burden just like me. He has not even for once taken him in his arms or looked at him properly in this whole time. I wish, for once forgetting everything Elijah would try to look at our child with love."— 20th December 1995.

"It seems like I don't need the company of books anymore. The more my baby is growing, the more gibberish cute conversations have taken a big part of my day. He is the prettiest baby boy anyone can ever have, the adorable face of his can melt anyone's heart but...not his father's."— 13th July 1995.

"Sebastian likes looking at the sky, yes I have figured that out by his gaze that often gets fixated to explore the colour of the blue eyes. I can not take him out, because I am not allowed to but maybe there'd be one day when he'd not need to stay trapped like this anymore. When he'll grow up, I am sure he'll grow as a strong man who will have no weakness. The world won't be able to hurt him. He'll be a warrior not a weak and pathetic person like me."— 8th November 1995.

"He asked for a toy today.....but Elijah gifted him with one of the worst nightmares possible. Sebastian has not spoken a word since he watched his father beat me. My bruises are still hurting but what's hurting more is that I can't give him what he deserves. I have failed to protect him from the dark shadow of his father. Will my Sebastian ever find happiness?" 12th March 1997.

"I have stepped into the library after ages, the past years have been quite tough for me and my kid. I have a feeling that Elijah is not going to keep me alive for more days, it seems like he has become tired of me being around. I don't have any way for me to make it out of this storm. I don't want to leave my Sebastian alone, I don't want him to witness my death which might traumatize him forever. Who'll take care of him? Who will be there for him when he'd have nightmares? I don't want to be away from him.....but I don't think Elijah has the intention to let me live. I hope Sebastian will grow as a strong man and find his happiness one day, I hope he won't allow the world to snatch his happiness and cage him in the darkness like me.'— 1st December 2006.

I hurriedly put the book back in its place before I anxiously searched for her letters in more but to my dismay there were no other letters in any of the books.

So this was the last letter Carolina wrote.....

My restlessness reached an edge and I found myself exhaling a shaky breath.

Sebastian's father ruined many lives. Not only did he ruin Carolina's but Sebastian's too, and now his maliciousness that has once taken away the smile of my mate was ruining my life too, all my dreams and hopes.

My chain of thoughts was broken when I heard sudden footsteps, a maid stood there at the entrance of the library as she looked at me wide-eyed.

"Mam, Nobody is allowed to enter the library except for Alpha." She rushed towards me, her voice low as a whisper, "Please come with me, Alpha's expecting you in his room. If he finds you here it's going to be a big problem."

"Wait, do you know why none is allowed in the library?"

"Because it was Alpha's mother who used to use the library only, Alpha does not allow anyone in this place." She said.

So that means, my assumption was true. Sebastian doesn't let anyone come here because it holds his mother's memories.

"Okay, I'll go to his room. Thank you," Flashing the maid a small smile I walked out of the library and headed upstairs.

God knew what was waiting for him once I go into the room because facing Sebastian was the one and only thing I feared.