43 | New York

**SIENNA**

I tried my level best to sleep on my way back, to shut off my brain and not think about anything else, but it was harder than I thought. Before coming home, we were given back our respective phones and other items, and ever since I clutched it in my hand, I could not stop checking for his message every second.
It has been months since I was restricted from its access, but it did not matter to me anymore for reasons unknown. I did not bother opening the countless emails, Facebook, Instagram and other social media accounts that one upon a time took my time. It felt as if I were a new person who was completely devoid of social attachments.
I had expected a text, even a formal one, from Gabriel after I had left. Between both of us, he could have acted mature and dropped me a curtsy message. Every time I closed my eyes, flashes of our time together burned into my eyes. The way I tempted him inside the confessional box, the welts he had painted on my ass, the care and concern he showered while I had been bed-ridden. I could not stop thinking about him and wondered how the hell was I going to spend the next three weeks with the memory of him.
It was well within my knowledge now that Gabriel was an obsession I could not shrug off. He was not like any of the boys I had dated, or even half the asshole I was destined to marry. He was the forbidden temptation, and my desire for him was so much more than sex.
*He was the fantasy—the powerhouse man that every woman craved*.
Gabriel scowled more than he ever smiled, and I have never wanted a man who scared and intrigued me at the same time. The rugged edges of his personality pulled him to me, and immediately, I was riveted by the energy he possessed.
I wondered if I was anything like the women he dated in his past or were engaged sexually. I was neither mature nor experienced, but he had made it viscerally clear with his hands and fingers and lips that he was attracted to me. And every time he kissed…I melted.
It was the only time he’d given me access to his soul, letting his guard down for a bit. But even then, he would not reveal the deepest darkest secrets of his past except for crucifying himself for the mistakes. And God knows what these mistakes were!
But whatever the case may be, Gabriel and I did not have any one-sided shit going on. He was as attracted to me as I was to him, and there no denying the truth. No matter what he told himself.
It was around eight at night I reached New York. The private jet my father has sent was waiting in a nearby location at Galena, and from there, it was a journey by air. And not a moment passed that I did not think of Gabriel. I could not stop.
But upon reaching New York, stepping out of the plane for the first time in months, I realised that I had missed nothing about this city. Oddly, my heart and soul was left back there, at Mount Carmel.
The driveway to the mansion where I had lived previously was crowded with expensive cars. The doors were guarded, and it seemed that Ivory had made quite a number of changes while I was gone.
“Welcome home, Miss Emerson,” a man stepped up, well-dressed and groomed by my family’s standard.
“I will be in my room,” I said, walking past him. I was in no mood for a welcome message, designed and directed by my stepmother. And I did not bother to care if my father was around.
“Er…excuse me, Miss?” he called out.
I merely stopped and looked over my shoulder. “What?”
“Mrs Emerson wanted you to see her when you arrived. She has made all these arrangements—” I stopped him with a raised palm.
“I don’t give a fuck what she wants. And next time, don’t call her Mrs Emerson in my presence. Is that clear?” It was my mother’s title.
“Right, sorry, ma’am.”
I was just about to walk out when a devious idea crossed my mind. I turned and faced the man. “Give her a message for me, will you?”
“Sure, Miss Emerson.”
“Tell Ivory that if she wants to see me, she can take her non-existence ass and come see me in my room.” I smiled. “I want the exact words delivered.”
The hesitation on his face was as clear as the sky.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, now it’s good to be home,” I smirked and strode towards the bedroom.
What seemed like an hour later, as I was shuffling through the list of Netflix searches, the door opened wide and in walked the woman I loathed with my heart and soul. “You are back.” She flashed a fake smile I could recognise for a mile.
“Well, I am.”
“How was school?” Ivory asked, stopping at the foot of my bed. “I see that Mount Carmel has not changed you much.”
“That you must have been very upsetting to you. Isn’t it, Ivory?” A smirk lifted at the corner of my lips, irritating her further.
“Your father paid a fortune to sent you there so that you can learn some good manners. But it seemed that you are completely incapable of change and decent behaviour,” she snarled.
“My father paid or Zane Abbott?” I challenged.
Ivory paled but quickly masked her expression. “He is your would-be father-in-law. And since you mentioned it, I remembered something. Zak wanted to meet you before the Christmas party. Actually, he insisted upon it, and your father agreed.”
“How benevolent of my father!”I snorted, rolling my eyes.
“Sienna, do not screw this up,” she warned, making me lift up my middle finger.
Conveniently so, I ignored her and returned to the screen. “If you are done, take your pathetic self out of the door the same way you came in.”
I did not bother to see that she walked, but when the loud noise of the closing of the door reached my ears, I simply sighed and slumped back against the pillows.
Within a few hours of reaching New York, I knew that it was a bad decision. Not only it made me miss Gabriel terribly, but I also could not stand to see the faces of these people. One moment I was packing the bags, and in the next, I was in the airport.
Fuck New York.
I wanted to be at Mount Carmel.
I wanted to be with Gabriel for Christmas.
And I did not care if he wanted me there or not; I’d still be at school where my heart belongs.


****************
**GABRIEL**

I downed the eighth or ninth glass of scotch down the throat, feeling the burn right from the throat to the stomach. Forsaking alcohol was just a personal choice and had nothing to do with my religious duty because priests did drink. Not a lot, they still.
But I did not want a single, minuscule moment of my life when I’d be vulnerable because I was afraid that I’d give up. It took six years of abstinence to give up the things I craved, and I could not let a moment’s weakness get the better of me.
Well, God had a different plan, though.
He sent me the most alluring thing he created in the name of Sienna Emerson and tested my devotion. And fuck me, I failed.
Once I had finished the glass, I unscrewed the bottle and simple drank from it now. I could have gone to Father Lucas, go down on my knees in confession and felt a little better, but I did not. Instead, I drowned myself with alcohol just so I get reminiscence Sienna guiltlessly.
Fuck, I missed her.
Every time she sassed and disobeyed, she gave me an opportunity to dominate and discipline her. Her responses were natural and submissive, of course, with the right power exchange.
She was everything I should not want, and yet I ended up craving.
Misery tore at my heart as I staggered towards the bedside table and grabbed the rosary. I did not want to go to the church or expose myself in this intoxicating state to anyone else, so I just wrapped the beads around my palm and knelt on the floor.
*“Don’t do this to me, God. Do not forsake me in the toughest of times,” I prayed*.
Father Lucas taught me that every confusion, sorrow, and happiness led to God, and even when we think that he abandoned us, he will watch and protect us.
And I badly wanted to believe that.
I was torn between my responsibility and my need, the right and the wrong, because I was falling for Sienna. She was my student, and in every way, it was a sin.
I was a sinner in the eyes of God, in the eyes of society and in my conscience -- I knew it all. Despite all of that, I could not stop thinking about her. Wanting her. Taking her as mine. My devotion and dedication were thinner than a weary fabric now.
*“Don’t test me, God, please. You know I will fail. I know I will fail*.”
I hung my head in defeat when a sharp knock on the door interrupted. Shit. Scrambling to my feet, I grabbed the almost empty bottle of alcohol on the bed and put it away to make my way towards the door. It was a futile effort, though, because I was reeking in alcohol.
“Coming!” I yelled when the knocking grew incessant and whoever was on the other side was bloody damn impatient.
Reaching for the knob, I yanked it open, and for a second, my heart stopped beating. I blinked a couple of times to make sure that it was not the result of my intoxication or a fragment of my imagination but in reality.
*Sienna*.

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**I have always liked my female leads to be bolder than the males, so please, let me know if you like Sienna taking charge when it's needed.
Also, Gabriel has a lot of reasons to behave the way he is, given his past is a complicated mess. (we will come to that later)
And, my dear readers, who take out their precious time to read, comment and give me their valuable feedback -- Thank you! I dont have words of gratitude, but truly, I am blown away with the amount of appreciation**.