16: Likely Just A Panic Attack

Gabriel keeps looking at me as he leads the way down the hall, like I’m a timebomb ready to blow. Honestly, I’m feeling alright. Definitely not what I had been expecting. The rumors and possible first hand experiences with vampire blood that I’m heard about are horrific.

But as I follow Gabriel down more winding halls, I still loathe him, still hate his stupid face, so apparently halfblood’s blood is less intoxicating.
“You’re room for the time being.” He says as he finally opens a door down a hall of many.

“For the night. I will be going back home tomorrow.”

He takes a breath as if readying himself to say something. His lips partially open before snapping shut. A few seconds of silence pass between us before he finally says, “I’ll be down the hall if you need me.”

Need him? Never. Or so I thought. I stand in the hall frozen as he leaves me, retreating back down the hall. He doesn’t look in my direction before stepping into a room four or five doors down. Great.

With no other choice, I enter the room and try my hardest to suppress an awe as I take it all in. There’s no expense apparently that Phillip won’t spend on his manor. The room is like the rest of the house, jewel tones, elaborate finishings of gold, textures on textures. After being alive for decades, centuries, I’m sure the money just rolls in.
I plop down on the bed with an overwhelming feeling nagging at me. Almost like a flutter of a panic attack itching away underneath my skin, but from what. It’s over with and I’m finally alone even though this is all just the beginning. And that’s it. It’s just beginning.

The more I think about it, little side effects are starting to peek through and make my hyperventilating even worse. A nervous jitter rattles my bones and a slick sweat breaks out across my hairline. It all comes on so fast.

Gabriel. Just his name sends a shiver down my spine and a jolt in my heart. Damn it. I can fight this. I am a smart, strong, witch. A little blood lust over a vampire that is gorgeous isn’t going to bring me down.

I’ve never been one for meditation, but tonight I start. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Slow and steady. Pure thoughts, clean thoughts, no thoughts of Gabriel.
I don’t know how fast or slow times goes by, but then it gets more intense, stronger. The pull, the ache, the pain.

Every fiber of my being is on fire and I’m pretty sure the only way to extinguish it is Gabriel. Damn it. A scream struggles to rip from my mouth, but I hold it back as best I can. Only a feeble yelp slips through my tight lips.

With a jolt, I stand up from the bed, instantly the room spins and I struggle to stay on my feet. I just need Gabriel. That’s all. That’s not totally terrible. It’s all a fuzzy haze as I walk to the door, step out into the hall and go back down the hall where I saw Gabriel go, except things get a little heavier and darker.
And before I know it, I’m crashing to the floor with a blackness engulfing me.

***

I wake with a groan in bed. Like a trickle of water the moments before this come back to me. I was in antagonizing pain, I walked out into the hall seeking Gabriel and obviously not in my right mind, everything went black all of the sudden, and now I’m in bed feeling as though I’ve been hit by a truck.

Another groan escapes my mouth as I prop myself up on my elbow.

“Rise and shine sleepy head. You missed breakfast...and lunch, but dinner is in an hour. You should be hungry.” His voice eases the ache in my joints, but sets my mind on fire.

“How did I get back in here?”

“I found you lying on the floor in the hall mumbling my name. I carried you back to your room and sat with you until you fell asleep.” I can hear a smile on his lips, “I snuck back in to here when you woke. Thought it would help.”

“Kill me.” Another groan comes out as I move my stiff joints.

“Afraid not, Love.”

A rage comes over me as he calls me Love again. “I said don’t call-” I shout at him, but a grunt of searing pain cuts me rant short.

“The more you fight, the more it hurts.” His voice is full of amusement. I can’t see him, but I can imagine the smart ass smile on his face like it always seems to be, taunting me.

“I guess I’m a sucker for punishment.” And that’s the truth. I would drown in pain rather than float in pleasure with him.

He ignores my whines and groans. “I’ll stop back in a bit to bring you down to the dining room for dinner. Try to get changed into something a little more formal.”
“And where do you suppose I get something a little more formal? This isn’t exactly my house.” My words are a slurred mess as I’m unable to control any aspect of myself from either fighting him or swooning over him.

“The closest of course.” He flashes me the devilish smile, yet again before leaving me alone in the room.

The second the door snaps shut a jarring pain attacks every part of my body. It stabs at my head and squeezes my lungs. It takes every bit of energy I have to get to the closet and peek inside. Am I going to listen and wear something in there, no. Am I curious to see what’s actually in there, yes.

A pitch black, blackhole threatens to take over my vision as I fight my way to the closet. It takes several tries before my hand grab onto the tiny knobs of the doors. First time on vampire blood and I’m acting like I can’t hold my liquor. Get ahold of yourself, Hazel.

A few deep breaths and unwanted, but calming thoughts about Gabriel ease some of pain and clear my vision. Great. That’s the key to getting myself put back together, positive thoughts about Gabriel. He doesn’t need to be close, but I need to think positively about him, which at this moment is extremely hard to do.

I pass through gown after gown after gown in the closet. Pink, black, a deep midnight blue. Mysterious or not so mysteriously, all my size. I slam the doors shut and refuse to wear one. I’m not playing house with a bunch of vampires. My holey jeans, t-shirt and olive jacket are gonna have to do.

I sit on the edge of bed trying to get a grip on myself, testing theories and coming up with terrible results. The one that hurts the most is Caleb. The thought of him stabs me in the heart and for a second I actually think I’m having a heart attack, but it’s most likely just a panic attack.

A heavy knock startles me to my feet and the arriving guest doesn’t wait or knock again, they just open the door like they own the place. When Gabriel peeks his head inside, a huff escapes my lips because he kinda does...own the place.

“Are you ready-” His words stop abruptly as his eyes meet mine. “to go.” he mutters. When he steps inside, I can see he changed out his loose jeans and too tight t-shirt for a pair of slacks and a button down shirt.

I instantly regret not changing into some ridiculous dress. But I don’t want to be here, I don’t belong here. So I hold my head high and follow Gabriel out. He remains quiet as we make our way to the dining room. He’s not telling me something. At least, not until we come to a stop outside a set of carved wooden doors.

“Phillip has always been the formal type,” the words spill from Gabriel’s lips so fast I almost don’t catch them all. “But, I applaud you for standing your ground. Although, I hope you don't get nervous easily.” He whispers in my ear seconds before he pushes the door open.

The hugeness of the room blows me away. It’s even bigger and grander than the room I met Phillip in. He definitely likes to show off. As I tear my eyes away from the grandeur of the room, my eyes land on the people. Several people. A mixture of people all dressed to the nines.

And here’s me, in worn jeans and an army jacket.


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