Chapter 23

**Skyler Johnson**

I don't think anyone can be heartbroken if they didn't care about someone. It's kind of required to love a person, or at least like them to be hurt by their actions and I've spent the last two hours trying to convince myself that I feel nothing for Xavier Black but my heart just doesn't want to get the message. As soon as we came home I locked myself in my bedroom, closing all the curtains and locking the balcony door, for the first time since I could remember and now I'm here, where I've been for the past two hours. Trying to convince myself I'm not at all heartbroken by the rejection I faced tonight.

Thing is. It boils down to this, doesn't it? Where you're alone in your room, admitting to yourself that you like a man you claimed you hated with every fibre of your being. You never know when it happened, because that would defeat the point of falling for him, wouldn't it? We've all been through it, even though you never meant to fall for him. Thing is, now you have to be honest with yourself about it all. You have to admit that you never really hated him, at least not all the time. You have to admit you had a soft spot for him ever since you saw him at his sister's spelling bee. You have to admit you kind of liked him when he was arguing with you about kids and sitting in on every one of your self-defence lessons.

You have to admit your heart melted a little every time he showed up for one or another wedding planning thing, even though he never really said anything and he let you make all the final choices. You admit that you liked that he didn't let you cry about your problems, instead he allowed you to shoot it out. You have to admit that if this is going to be your life from now on you would rather it be with him than someone you've known since childhood. You would want to spend your life with someone that would easily love you for all the dark thoughts you've had because they're just a little more broken than you are.

So, you admit you're in love with a man that you've been wanting to hate so bad. You admit that you like the attention he's giving you, even when you're claiming to ignore him. You know you would want to come home to him every day because he doesn't judge you when you blow a fuse at someone for not putting the right amount of roses in the centre piece. You admit that you've made a mess of your life and you want him to fix it for you. You admit all these things because at the end of the day you wouldn't be admitting them if his rejection hadn't made it feel like you were dying.

******

"Who are you and what are you doing in my kitchen?" I ask the black haired guy that's busy eating some of my breakfast cereal. He looks at up me, laughter shining in those big brown orbs of his that makes the kindness of his face apparent, even around the spoon in his mouth.

"Ura and I'm having breakfast, obviously." He says and his chocolate lips curl into a smile. Like he knows something I don't and I'm not sure I have the energy to play this game with him when I didn't get any sleep last night.

"Well, you're eating my food, Ura." I tell him, moving further into the room to get myself a bowl of the colourful circles in his bowl.

"Your mother said I could have some." He says and I roll my eyes. Of course she would hand out my food to total strangers but then again, he can't be a complete stranger if she even let him into the house and allowed him to eat my food. I don't say anything as I fil a bowl with milk and wood shavings and take a seat next to him. We eat our food in silence and I have to admit I like him if he can understand the principle of a silent breakfast.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him as I rinse out the empty bowl, while contemplating if I want to just go back to my room and try to sleep or watch a movie but that would require to make popcorn and I'm to lazy to wait for that.

"Well, Gabe was supposed to go with you to pick out Xavier's ring but since he can't stand you I was given the job." He says and I roll my eyes. Gabriel thinks I'm some kind of spoiled princess and although he's not far of he hasn't even had a decent conversation with me to know that yet. He does stare at me, like all the time and he gets so angry when I call him out on the bullshit he spews when he's around me and now I can't imagine how Natalie would even halfway like him but that's her problem and not mine. Speaking of her, I should call her and apologize, even if I don't agree with this thing they have going on.

"Give me an hour." I tell him and leave him behind in the kitchen. If he got into my food I'm sure he can find a way to keep himself busy while I get myself ready. Although it takes me an hour and a half to get ready because I allowed my mind to run in the shower he doesn't seem angry about it and I know I'm going to like him, despite him eating my food without my permission.

"So, what kind of ring we're you thinking of getting him?" Ura asks as we walk into the store and I give him a coy smile.

"A wedding ring." He rolls his eyes at my answer but laughs about it none the less. "I don't really know. I'm kind of just going to look at them and wait for one to scream Xavier to me, you know?" I ask and he nods.

"I do know, I picked out my wife's ring like that." He says and I find myself looking at his left hand where, sure enough, a gold band adorns his ring finger.

"How long have you been married?" I ask and he smiles, like it's his favourite question.

"Almost a year now. December it will be." He says and I give him a small smile. I still don't know why Xavier doesn't want to get married in the winter but I'm going to take a wild guess and say he doesn't want to deal with the snow, even though it makes things look blissful.

"Good for you, now let's look at rings and hope one screams Xavier." I laugh as we make our way up to the counter. The man behind the desk is polite and very helpful as he goes back and forth, bringing us every kind of wedding band the store has in stock. We look at gold ones and silver ones and all of it in between and as the minutes tick by I'm getting more and more disheartened . Who knew picking out the perfect ring would be so hard.

"Maybe we should try another place?" Ura asks as the guy, Derek, disappears into the back to get us more options.

"We will, if he doesn't come back with something that's perfect." I tell him and he nods. I thought I would just walk into the store and pick out the first ring I saw but after last night I can't do that anymore. I know I have a lot to make up for but this is a beginning at least.